blind_otter Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 What is the best course of action? Should you remain completely impartial, or give your opinion? If you give your opinion, they may stay with someone they are incompatible with, or breakup with someone they really want to stay with - in either case, you can be made out to be the bad guy. But if you don't give your opinion, don't your run to risk of being considered uncaring?
Citizen Erased Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Comfort them but don't give an opinion. If they get back together chances are they will share what you said with the other person. Awkward!
corazoncito Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 It's a tough position to be in but sometimes it helps just to be an ear for them to talk to/at. If you're careful, you can do this without really telling them to do one thing or the other. Like repeating back what you hear them saying. And that's not just patronizing them. Sometimes I think it helps people to sort through their thoughts when they hear how they come across to other people. I think if they ask you direct questions, like "what should I do?", it's fair and honest to just tell them that you're there to support them but that they're the only one who can make the decision. I've never had a friend get upset at me for saying that.
johan Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 You can solve this problem in such a way that you won't have to be supportive, offer an opinion, or say anything at all, simply by sleeping with your friend's guy. Problem solved. If not that, then it's probably be best to be honest and help your friend see things clearly. Help to provide the perspective that she might not be able to provide for herself.
quankanne Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 just tell her you're there for her, to listen whenever she needs to talk, and leave it at that. I think a lot of post-break-up dealings have to do with the need to unload all the crap that's in your head and your heart, and having someone who's willing to listen, to not judge, is like hitting the lottery. Because in their own way, they're helping you choose the right path by just providing that ear.
Author blind_otter Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I think I violated the cardinal rule: don't give your own opinion. But, having always been a rather opinionated person, it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. The following is just an elaborate justification for being overly opinionated, I think.... It's just that this guy is such a tool. He's a 30 year old busboy - but he only works one day a week. He mooches off of my friend on a constant basis. It's always "cover me for a few weeks for rent/utilities/groceries." Then, his father cuts him a check and he pays my friend back. Also, he told my friend that she needs to lose weight....while they were having sex. The worst part is that my friend is maybe 100 lbs soaking wet, so I don't see how SHE has to lose weight when HE has cellulite on his stomach (I've seen it, and was fascinated - I've never seen a man with cellulite before). Thirdly, he is addicted to prescription painkillers. I just think she can do so, so, SO much better. She started dating this guy about 3 weeks after she got divorced, so this sort of screams "rebound." And when he got kicked out of his apartment 6 months ago due to the fact that he paid his rent 2-3 weeks late on a regular basis, they decided to move in together. Since then, I believe that he sort of views my friend as a convenient mealticket, and that is his main motivation in maintaining the relationship. Now it's all just so ugly. They break up, get back together, break up, get back together. And I made the mistake of speaking my mind, which has made for some extremely awkward moments. Like at her mother's funeral, right before Christmas, when they were broken up. Immediately after the service, he pulled her away from saying goodbye to those who attended, to talk to her about how he wanted another chance. I was so pissed! It was her mother's FUNERAL, fergawdsake. I gave him the ol' stinkeye, but she took him back. Ick. He's such a choad. They are going on their 4th breakup in as many weeks. Hopefully it will stick.
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