osswald Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 So, I have this classic case of being torn between two guys. The first one is my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years and the second one is a guy that I met two weeks ago, but we really hit it off. My boyfriend and I are the complete opposite on so many things but we complete ourselves so well. I really love him but lately I've been finding myself being attracted to other guys. Normally, I just find the guy cute and nothing bad happen until two week ago. I was at a friend's party and I met this guy who I have so many things in common that he could have been me on the opposite sex!! Anyhow, we talked the night away, and the chemistry was there that most of my friends felt akward to be in the same room than us. Nothing really happen but since then we talk on the phone some times. I really don't want to betray my bf and surely I don't want to end things with him but I feel so much alive with the other guy... What should I do?! Confused
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 You sound like one of my ex-gfs and the scenario we were in Hindsight being 20/20, I would say go for this guy. Be true to yourself, but let your current man go, but very carefully and kindly. Reason being that the new guy and you would bond instantly and stronger initially than your current man. While its good to be a good compliment to someone for long-term dating, I think that finding someone whose more like you would be better for a relationship.
atwitsend Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Think hard on what you're doing. It may set you on a path you do not want to go down. If "you really love" your boyfriend like you say. I have a couple questions to ask. Does your definition of love mean that you can have a relationship with another guy who you know that you may be falling for? If so does it mean that your boyfriend can have the same? Do you one day imagine yourself married to him? Do you want to have an awful secret coming between you? These are questions you should seriously be asking yourself. If you are attracted to this other guy, you should go to your boyfriend and tell him or break-up with him before you crush his heart. Please read through the stories on this board before you make any decisions and see the destruction that infidelity (cheating) on the ones you love produces.
LostNLonely Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 "Nothing really happen" Oh, really? Do tell... "but since then we talk on the phone some times." Your already cheating, look inside your soul, fix what's broken, tell your boyfriend, then tell this other guy you need to break-it-off with him too. Why? Because if they"ll do it with you, they" do it to you as well. Your a very messed up woman, you need time to get it together before you bring your toxic love anywhere near innocents. C-ya!!!
norajane Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Just because you two got along well and there was chemistry does not mean that he'd be a good boyfriend, that you two would be a good couple, or that you two would grow to love each other. He could turn out to have a wandering eye or be a cheater, he could be neurotic, inattentive, emotionally unavailable, have a bad temper, be super-possessive and jealous, controlling, hate your family and your dog, may never want to get married and have kids, he could be a player, he could just lose interest once the chase is won, or it just might fizzle out when he meets someone hotter than you, anything! You hardly know him! It's normal to meet people you're attracted to even when you're in a committed relationship. But you don't have to act on it, and you certainly shouldn't toss away a 4 year relationship to someone who loves you and makes you happy just for some guy you just met. If you really think your bf and you aren't good together and you want to end things, fine. Then give that a lot of thought and end it if you must. But don't do so for some guy you just met.
milane Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Just because you two got along well and there was chemistry does not mean that he'd be a good boyfriend, that you two would be a good couple, or that you two would grow to love each other. He could turn out to have a wandering eye or be a cheater, he could be neurotic, inattentive, emotionally unavailable, have a bad temper, be super-possessive and jealous, controlling, hate your family and your dog, may never want to get married and have kids, he could be a player, he could just lose interest once the chase is won, or it just might fizzle out when he meets someone hotter than you, anything! i completely agree! i was dating a guy for two years whom i loved. we got along but we were complete opposites. then came another guy who i hit it off really well with. i didn't physically cheat on my boyfriend but everytime i was with him, i was thinking of this other guy. i knew deep in my heart that i would never marry my boyfriend even though i loved him so i broke things off and started dating the new guy within a month. we got along so well, i thought everything was perfect...until he showed his true colors. he turned out to be moody, constantly put me down and later i found out he was cheating on me with two different girls! i don't regret breaking up with my boyfriend but i feel awful that i broke up with him for another guy. (he knew why i broke up with him) so think carefully...don't foolishly rush into something that you may end up regretting later. don't let "chemistry" blind you.
Treasa Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Just because you two got along well and there was chemistry does not mean that he'd be a good boyfriend, that you two would be a good couple, or that you two would grow to love each other. He could turn out to have a wandering eye or be a cheater, he could be neurotic, inattentive, emotionally unavailable, have a bad temper, be super-possessive and jealous, controlling, hate your family and your dog, may never want to get married and have kids, he could be a player, he could just lose interest once the chase is won, or it just might fizzle out when he meets someone hotter than you, anything! You hardly know him! It's normal to meet people you're attracted to even when you're in a committed relationship. But you don't have to act on it, and you certainly shouldn't toss away a 4 year relationship to someone who loves you and makes you happy just for some guy you just met. If you really think your bf and you aren't good together and you want to end things, fine. Then give that a lot of thought and end it if you must. But don't do so for some guy you just met. Yay! Now I don't have to type the exact same thing. Saves me time.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 So, I have this classic case of being torn between two guys. The first one is my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years and the second one is a guy that I met two weeks ago, but we really hit it off. Then break up with your bf since he obviously doesn't hold your heart for you to get cozy with another guy. My boyfriend and I are the complete opposite on so many things but we complete ourselves so well. Then why get close to another man? I really love him but lately I've been finding myself being attracted to other guys. Then you do not love him. Break up with him before you really do something he doesn't deserve to put up with. I really don't want to betray my bf and surely I don't want to end things with him but I feel so much alive with the other guy... What should I do?! Again, you should break up with your boyfriend. The fact you don't want to end it with your bf is irrelevant. If you stay with your boyfriend and keep disrespecting him and going to parties and flirting with "cute" guys in the ever so fickle manner, then you are staying with him for your own selfish reasons. So break up with him as he doesn't deserve a girl that parties and puts herself in social settings to flirt with other men. Cuz sooner or later, as you have already proven, you will betray him. and if you don't think you haven't already betrayed him, think again.
georgejungle Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I really don't want to betray my bf and surely I don't want to end things with him if you REALLY Truly feel this...Then it's a 'No-Brainer', you STAY with your BF and stop flirting with other guys. It's not cool to your BF.
Javelin Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Don't you just love a developing case of, 'emotional cheating?!' What should I do?! 1) Tell your boyfriend, exactly what you're telling us? One thing I do not get about people is that they come on this forum and confess here, rather then owning up to their confusion and facing it before it becomes a problem. 2) Take a break from your boyfriend and lose the spark to figure things out. Yes we all know you don't want to hurt him, but the real reason you want to keep him around is because you don't want to be alone if the 2 week spark fails. This is a common human trait called selfishness. You've also been in relationship for 4 years and that's a very long time. 3) Seek counseling Currently, you're a potential cheater and that's a bad character flaw to have. Seek help, other than loveshack and work on yourself. 4) Take some time to yourself Again, 4 years is a long time and perhaps your relationship needs a recharge. Take some time to do your own things! Now that doesn't mean you can go out and have sex with other guys. It means that your current relationship is on hold, while you work on you.
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