casey001 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Hi all Just wondering if I could get you advice on something. There is this guy who has recently approached me and told me he really likes me. He txts me everyday non stop and showeres me with compliments etc. He told me he has fallen in love with me. Thing is I dont feel the same way back at all He is a nice enough guy but he has been gay all his life and has suddenly turned straight. He really just isnt my type at all. I know he has been hurt alot in the past so how do I tell him this without hurting him. Whn he first asked if I ever thought something could happen between us I kind of avoided the question by saying I had just come from a long term relationship and wanted to be single. He said that was fine but still txts me and rings me every day and buys me little presents all the time. I know it sounds lovely but its almost to the point of harrasing me, he is in constant contact 24/7. Some times I wake up in the morning to about 20 txts left from him. I feel like I should be honest as I dont want him to feel like im leading him on or that I lied if I end up in another relationship. So how do I tell him? Should I distance myself from him, eg not reply to his constant messages? Please help, I have been hurt before and I know how horrible it is and i dont want to hurt anyone ever!!! So please help me sort this out!!!
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Yes, distance. Many, many miles of distance. It doesn't sound "lovely" at all -- as you say, you are feeling harassed. Be kind but be assertive. Tell him you are flattered and appreciative but you do NOT reciprocate his feelings. Ask him to please stop contacting you -- put some limits to it, if you do want to maintain a friendship; or block his numbers. If you want to remain friends, respond to texts according to YOUR limits. Avoid his calls, according to your limits. Most importantly, do NOT accept anymore "little presents" from him. That will just send a HUGE mixed signal. Your part is to be compassionately assertive and speak out for your own wants and needs. If that makes him feel "hurt", it really isn't on you because you would have done the maximum that is within your power to do.
You'reasian Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Gay his whole life? LOL Too funny. You could always let him hang, avoid the question, don't contact him - let it drag on and on and on
LostNLonely Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 A restraining order should do the trick. Seriously. The guy is mental. You should tell him directly. Oh, make sure you have someone watching your back, meet him in a public place, drop the bomb, and if he still doesn't go away, call the courthouse and get the info you need to protect yourself, your being stalked.
Author casey001 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 lol thanks guys Yup gay his whole life, Even engaged to another man!! But since meeting me he has decided his is straight and wants to have a relationship with me! The thing is hes a nice guy and I know he means well but I dont feel the same at all. I had an ex bf (whom I was with for about a year) suddenly distance himself from me. He stopped talking to me and came really distant and angry with me all the time for no reason. It broke my heart sooooo badly and I dont really want to do that to someone else!!! I know its a bit different as were not together or anything but im just worried about hurting someone!! So what do I do? Still distance myself?
Thunder77 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 My dear. Brutal honesty is the best policy. In situations like this, sometimes it is needed to set people straight and bang them between the eyes. You don't want to lead him on and avoiding his original question will get you know where. As much as it might hurt him, he must know how your feelings or in this case lack of feelings towards him.
Ronni_W Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 So what do I do? Still distance myself? Other way to look at it: If you do NOT distance yourself at some point, isn't the likely outcome that you will end up marrying the guy? I agree with you, though, that just suddenly disappearing isn't the mature way to handle uncomfortable situations. Tell him, nicely but in no uncertain terms. Just saying "no, thanks" does NOT mean that you are being insensitive or deliberately hurtful.
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 My dear. Brutal honesty is the best policy. In situations like this, sometimes it is needed to set people straight and bang them between the eyes. You don't want to lead him on and avoiding his original question will get you know where. As much as it might hurt him, he must know how your feelings or in this case lack of feelings towards him. Gotta go with Thunder77 on this. And don't date gay dudes. lol
wateraholic Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I agree. Distance is by far the way to go here. Tell him the honest truth and take a step back. Maybe he'll go back to being gay. That's really weird by the way, to just turn straight all of a sudden. I have a couple gay friends and we have some VERY good looking mutual female friends that are really great women and they wouldn't dream of turning straight for them! If telling him the truth doesn't work, I'd cut ALL contact. Sometimes there is no right way to deal with crazy people... they don't understand their crazy! Good luck.
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