bermuda Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Ok.Here I am looking for advice really. Have been with my partner for 14 years and on Christmas Eve he walked out on me saying he didnt know what he wanted where he was going with his life. Ive known him since I was 11 and now I am 36. Hes been all of my life and Ive doted on him. The main problem is although we both went to university and have great educations hes got a great job. I the top of my industry wining a national award so to go it alone,..... took on the wrong business partner who took me for alot of money and subsequently I went Bankrupt. I feel he lost the respect for me then. I carried on working being a supportive partner, not crumbling but internaly lost a lot of confidence. I did the stiff upper lip! I began working as a consultant however my income has not been brilliant. I put all my money into he house and worked as a freelance dance instructor to help. He earns a fantastic salary. I could put money on it if I won the lottery tomorrow things would be different. I let him down. Since being Bankrupt he lost his father and it all didnt get dealt with. His job is stressful I know that. I have caught him out a few times over the years but we have worked through it.WE have been round the world together with my job had the time of our lives and now this! I thought we would be having a family this year. So now he refuses contact, no text not nothing, I am distraught to say the least but grown up enough to know that a weak sniveling partner is not an attractive look...so when we have met I have put the make up on been calm etc.. My not knowing is if hes got someone else..he has told friends no.I do believe this to some extent. But why would a guy leave his partner with nothing to go to. 14 years and no phone calls..hes cold and now trying to get me to leave our home. Hes very cold, and feels like a stranger..which I find hard after 14 years!But as he has told lies over the years I dont know. People think I mad staying with him, but you cant help who you love can you? Hes told people that if he saw me with someone else he would fight for me.But am 36 too old to play games. I am at a lose how to get him back. Is it that he thinks the grass is greener? I dont know as I have never experienced this?
RM0123 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I am so sorry. I too am on this site to find comfort from my recent break-up. It is hard to know why a man would walk away from 14 years? Were you two married? I don't know if I missed that or not.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 You are wise enough to realize sniveling is unattractive. So your best bet is strict NO CONTACT. Don't email him Don't text him Don't call him Don't talk to him through mutual friends Don't talk about him to mutual friends Focus 100% on getting your life on track. He'll come groveling back possibly. If not, then who cares? The dude is a freaking dance instructor. Who cares what he makes, he's a tool.
Author bermuda Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 No I have been working at night as a dance instructor as well as my day job! He works in the Finace. Thanks for your advice though! ITs very hard after 14 years to eventhink straight!
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Nothing wrong with a FEMALE dance instructor. Oh hell, wheres geisha to hand me the big shovel again. I always seem to dig myself in big holes. Heh. It gets easier day by day. Just cut off all contact. He has to come back to you. Let him. If he doesn't, then who's loss really is it?
Author bermuda Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 No we are or rather were engaged. Yes 14 years is a really hard to deal with. So much of our life has been together it hard to live in our home at the moment without going mad!I cant just turn off 14 years. I dont understand I seem to be all over the place. If I caould get him back tomorrow I would. Were not kids. Hes just refusing contact. Very very hard. Thankyou though. I hope you are coping with your situtation
Author bermuda Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Bless thank you! No female dance instructors and personal trainers arent that bad! Your right he has to come back I know that deep down but its a right blow after !$ years. Weve only ever had a week apart so I suppose I am really just lonely looking for answers!..I hope he realises that the grass isint greener!!
RM0123 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I am having such a hard time right now. I just want to scream. I am so mad at him. How could he do this. What is driving me absolutely nuts right now is that we are supposed to be going on a cruise tomorrow!!!! It is all paid for and we are not going. He broke up with me this past Tuesday. How could anyone do that someone? Especially when you say you are breaking it off with them because you are not ready for them to move in, in 9 months. Why not wait til after the cruise!!!! I am hurting so bad.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Bermuda, although none of us can get this magical fairy dancer to come back to you. But we can offer to be here for you whenever you need to talk. He may realize the grass is not always greener or he may keep dancing on rainbows in his mind. What he does isn't important. You'll come back, don't worry. Your life will bounce back; it will recoil like a gun. You don't have to worry about him, just focus on you. And don't expect to heal in a day or two or week or two or month or two. This will take a long time. But everyday, your heart will grow a beat stronger. In the end, the person you were will only be a shadow of the greatness you become. I've witnessed it first hand many times. Including in the mirror.
Author bermuda Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 I dont know what to say really as I understand exactly what your feeling. Going on the cruise with a friend would be the best option but am sure thats the last thing on your mind! You maybe need to ask him why he/you not ready to move in? And what could help the situation.? Just say calm and focus slowly. Do not scream at him as it will push him to push his head in the sand. You just need to be calm and try and talk to him
Author bermuda Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Thankyou. However always alot easier said than done. As crazy as it might sound to the world I would have him back tomorrow. Deep down he knows this. HEs never lost me if you know what I mean. But am not in the right place or frame of mind to start doing anything.Hes been my life and now nothing. I must sound like a right lunantic but my brain has gone into over drive. Maybe its a midlife crisis, I dont know but I seem to totaly shocked. At the moment I cant see the future, I cant see past today. Its the not knowing where he is, not hearing his voice after 14 years is so strange.
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