Joker77 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I was one who always felt the need to get closure. On this past break up, I thought I would need it. The more and more I've thought about it, I really don't care if I get it or not. How do the rest of you feel about it?
starzphalling Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 personally i need closure.....but.......i don't need it from the other person. i tend to just sit and think, too much for my own good i think sometimes. after a breakup i tend to create my own closure. this is really only my second major breakup, but i did the same thing this time that i did last time. after feeling like utter crap for a while, i sit back and find what i learned from the relationship, and let that become my closure. i think there is something to learn in everything, its a matter of what you choose to take out of a situation......then i go back to feeling like utter crap, and then randomly being ok, then crap, then ok...yada yada yada...but all in all, yes i need closure - but i make it for myself so i don't have to rely on anyone else....i've come to find that relying on other people is a huge mistake because all you really have is you...that could be the bitterness talking...but its what i got for now lol.
northstar1 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I was one who always felt the need to get closure. On this past break up, I thought I would need it. The more and more I've thought about it, I really don't care if I get it or not. How do the rest of you feel about it? Depends what you mean by closure. Closure in a sense of answers to questions that have tormented you about the breakup? A truthful explanation of why it ended, or hearing/proof that there will be no reconcillation (ie. they've moved on)? I think many people hang onto hope that their ex's made a mistake, or if circumstances were different it would work again..........and that can leave them in limbo for a long time. Whatever you need to move on fully, do it. If it means hearing from them that things will never happen again........it's painful in the short term, but might be the final kick to help some who are stuck.
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Closure is important to me to both give and receive. It's not only what's said but how it's said. And yet, if you choose to disbelieve or not listen to what and how issues are expressed, you'll never gain closure.
LostNLonely Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Closure of any kind would be nice, even if it's self-created, fact, fiction or BS lies from my ex, anything to help clear the mind and drain the heart.
kizik Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Closure is a retarded Hollywood buzzword. If closure means that I need to hear something from my ex in order to deal with my current situation - then I'm a pretty weak little girl, aren't I? However, if closure means accepting myself as a human who makes mistakes and will learn from them, then sign me up!
Riffmeister General Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Weird, I was just thinking today, what the hell is this closure thing people talk about? My ex-ex told me the other day that she never got closure from me because we broke up the day she went travelling (as planned) and she's not seen me since. We had a video call yesterday and she called that closure. Whatever works for you, I thought! I guess 'closure' (yeah, nasty Hollywood buzz-word) would be seeing my ex with the new guy and not caring, or meeting them with the new, gorgeous, perfect girl on my arm and seeing her get all jealous... no, that's not fair. I guess the feeling of vindication or something. Fortunately I'll not run into them until June at the earliest, so I've got plenty of time! Or maybe, even better, the moment you realise it did happen for the greater good after all.
kizik Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Or maybe, even better, the moment you realise it did happen for the greater good after all. If that's closure, I got it along time ago, the minute I first did something without being nagged by the ex. In fact, thanks RiffMeister, I'm going to start a thread about this.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Weird, I was just thinking today, what the hell is this closure thing people talk about? Or maybe, even better, the moment you realise it did happen for the greater good after all. bizarrely, as i was reading this thread, i wondered the same thing..........what does it mean? different things to different people i guess. i like your answer though..........the moment you realise it did happen for the greater good. (everytime i hear the greater good, i hear jim broadbent..........hot fuzz!) what happens if that moment is ten years from now?! i don't want to wait that long! i typed out a letter type thingy of stuff i'd say to my ex. i posted it in the "post here instead of contacting your ex". don't know if i'd ever send it to my ex. a lot of it is about unanswered questions though. about why he really broke up with me. i;ve been posting bits on that thread for the last while. i feel better when i put them there. because i feel even if i were to contact him, i wouldn't get an honest answer. i might not even get an answer. though i'd love to think he'd respect me and answer................i guess i woudn't know if i was right or not unless i try.............. NC NC...................NC?!!! i sent him an email a week and a half after he dumped me.............saying we could never be together again.........my so called closure. which broght no closure at all! the emotions were still too raw at the time. i shouldn't have sent it. hindsight is a wonderful thing. though it made me feel better to say to him after all the hurt, that we could never be together again. i listed some issues in the email..............the reply i got stated it's harmful to give different sides to the same story now. and pointless now............. i guess he doesn't want to share. why would that have changed in the last few weeks?! still feel i'd like to know the truth.............but i think i'd rather wait and see if i get job soon, so i at least look more confident and like i don't need him if i had to see him again. because i know i don't need him. WARGH!!!!!!!! and because seeing him now is not a good idea anyway, even if i know i never want him back!
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