iamconcerned Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Hello, I have been with my girlfriend for two months now. We both love each other very much and visualize a long-term relationship. She says she loves me and I love her too. However, our relationship has very little romance -- we haven't had our first kiss yet, we've never had sex (both of us are virgins), we will only hold hands and cuddle, but she will not rub me or anything when we cuddle and I will be the one rubbing her back, legs, arms, etc. The farthest we've gone is laid in bed together with our shorts on. I asked why she won't touch me, and she says she is afraid I would get offended (which is ridiculous, and I wouldn't at all!). I told her I am her boyfriend and it is perfectly ok for her to touch me since I am her boyfriend, and she says she will "work on it." I asked her if she was ready to have sex, and she had to take some time to "think about it." Then, she came back and told me that she wanted to wait until this March to have sex (if then). She says for me to "ask her" in early March, and she will let me know then if she's ready. I am leaving off to college in another state this coming August, and she says she doesn't want to have sex with me and get close with me before I leave for college. We do want to remain in a relationship together while I am away at college. I have tried approaching her a few times regarding the sex issue, and I tell her that sex is very important in the relationship for stimulating the relationship and keeping it healthy. Sex is by no means everything to me, and I told her that numerous times and she knows that, but it is nonetheless important to me for having a healthy relationship. She has given very jaded reasons or no reasons at all as to why she doesn't want to have sex. She isn't opposed to having sex before marriage, but she will NEVER bring up the sex topic, and when I bring it up, I have to push her to get her to talk about it. I told her I will not pressure her into having sex at all and will wait until she's ready, but I'm not sure how much longer I can wait with little romance in the relationship as it is. I am happy being with her but it seems our sexual compatibility differs as I have a higher libido than her. I would like some advice on what to do in this situation. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!
Storyrider Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 How about kissing her before you get to the sex part?
Author iamconcerned Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 I understand that Storyrider, but how am I able to enhance the little romance in our relationship as it is?
anne1707 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Also remember that sex and romance are not the same thing. Maybe a little bit of real romance will bring you closer together.
Author iamconcerned Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 anne, how would you advise to try and get her to be more romantic in the relationship?
anne1707 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 How about you being more romantic by: Making her feel special, cooking her a nice dinner, getting her a surprise gift (and it definitely does not have to be expensive), going for a walk on the beach, listening to her, sharing your dreams for the future, just calling her to tell her you love her, going for a picnic And not using these as opportunities to initiate more than holding hands. Remember - Romance is NOT sex
Storyrider Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Well, with kissing her, you kind of just have to do it. There's no use talking about it. It already sounds like you've been alone together in an intimate setting. What is it that held you back?
Dumbledore Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Remember - Romance is NOT sex Surely this is a typo?! The H and the N keys are right next to each other, so I'm guessing it's an easy mistake to make.
anne1707 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Romance is definitely HOT but it is also definitely NOT sex. But get the romance right.....
the_blur Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 How old are the both of you? If you're under age, maybe she's just young and wants to wait a little more, in which case it's fine. I would go have fun with other girls while I wait for her. If you're both adults (19 - 21+), I can't see why you would put yourselves through this. Definitely, as the person with the higher libido in the relationship, give her some space to get herself sorted out. 2 months without a kiss? ... You may be absolutely correct in your assessment that you have way different libidos. (I used to have this problem as well)
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