4givrnt4gtr Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 So last nite I was hanging out with this guy Ive been dating for a few weeks. Now, Ive noticed he doesnt seem to be too physical, as in, he's affectionate but not all over me. The day before yesterday I noticed I was being all over him and he wasnt reciprocating so yesterday I made a point of not touching him unless he touched me. Interestingly he kept touching me all night long. Then we decided to go to bed cuz he had to get up early. SO we were in bed and we started kissing. One thing led to another and we started messing around. He kept talking a bit dirty, telling me what he wanted to do to me. Then he asked me if i wanted it. At that point i wanted really bad, so I said yes... Well, he then said "not tonight, you wont get it tonight". I felt so rejected and a bit of a whore. There i was practically begging him and he said no. I didnt make a big stink about it til afterwards, when I said that I was feeling like I am a bit more physical than he is and whether I was freaking him out by being so sexual. He said that he didnt want our relationship to be sexual all the time and that he didnt like it when kissing always ended up leading to sex in relationships. He also mentioned that he thinks i want to be more affectionate in public and that he didnt feel comfortable with that. That hugging, holding hands and maybe even a peck was ok but other than that he wasnt ok with. I never really asked him to be more affectionate in public, but i guess during new years I felt again a bit rejected when I went to kiss him at midnite and he just gave me a quick peck. Im still feeling a bit butt hurt about it. On top of that he told me he wont be able to see me again til next weekend, when he planned to cook a nice dinner for me. I dont know why im so upset. I felt very out of control, like he is driving the relationship, including sex... Any advice as to how to regain my footing here? I like him a lot, he's a sweetheart, but i really dont want to end up where I was in my last relationship where the guy took complete control of the relationship...
ruggy Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Sounds like he's testing you. Testing your limits. Do the same to him. Go just far enough to get him going, then back off. Same thing he's doing to you. Then again, if this guy is on the edge with you, you could loose him. Its a crapshoot if you want to take the chance.
LostNLonely Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Gay, or otherwise he has a teenie weenie, that's my opinion. In either case tell him it's alright, but in the case of a smaller than average penis, don't lead him on, if he doesn't measure up to your needs or expectations, be honest and cut him loose.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Ruggy: What do you mean by testing me? like, how much I can take or how much can he tease me? TOday i thought he might be wanting to feel wanted, and in power, i suppose, so he puts me in the spot he had me yesterday to then say 'not today'. Then again, when we talked about it he said he just thought it would be hot to do that and then have us both be thinking about it the whole week. I dont know...maybe its some sort of sexual game im not getting and instead Im feeling rejected. Lost: He isnt gay, and he doesnt have a small penis. We've had sex before, which I thought might have been too soon and he might be feeling a bit weirded out or something. I talked to him about that as well, he said he didnt think it was too soon. I dont know...am I being too sensitive and insecured? Im really hating to feel like this. I really like him but I dont want to feel like he is trying to get control of me. Im also feeling that so much analyzing is going to end up driving him away....any thoughts?
Bella Jordan Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I think ultimately, you need to decide whether or not you want to be in a relationship with a guy who thinks it's okay to test you and play these sort of games. If he didn't want to have sex, he shouldn't have been fooling around with you and telling you all the dirty things he wanted to do to you, only to back down and tell you're "not getting it." Has your relationship genuinely been "sexual all the time"?? Not being in the mood is one thing, but to build you up only to turn around and shoot you down. Whatever you do, don't dwell on your feelings of rejection and try to understand that this isn't about you or anything you're doing wrong. He obviously has some issues that he needs to work through.
Shygirl15 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 So last nite I was hanging out with this guy Ive been dating for a few weeks. Now, Ive noticed he doesnt seem to be too physical, as in, he's affectionate but not all over me. The day before yesterday I noticed I was being all over him and he wasnt reciprocating so yesterday I made a point of not touching him unless he touched me. Interestingly he kept touching me all night long. Then we decided to go to bed cuz he had to get up early. SO we were in bed and we started kissing. One thing led to another and we started messing around. He kept talking a bit dirty, telling me what he wanted to do to me. Then he asked me if i wanted it. At that point i wanted really bad, so I said yes... Well, he then said "not tonight, you wont get it tonight". I felt so rejected and a bit of a whore. There i was practically begging him and he said no. I didnt make a big stink about it til afterwards, when I said that I was feeling like I am a bit more physical than he is and whether I was freaking him out by being so sexual. He said that he didnt want our relationship to be sexual all the time and that he didnt like it when kissing always ended up leading to sex in relationships. He also mentioned that he thinks i want to be more affectionate in public and that he didnt feel comfortable with that. That hugging, holding hands and maybe even a peck was ok but other than that he wasnt ok with. I never really asked him to be more affectionate in public, but i guess during new years I felt again a bit rejected when I went to kiss him at midnite and he just gave me a quick peck. Im still feeling a bit butt hurt about it. On top of that he told me he wont be able to see me again til next weekend, when he planned to cook a nice dinner for me. I dont know why im so upset. I felt very out of control, like he is driving the relationship, including sex... Any advice as to how to regain my footing here? I like him a lot, he's a sweetheart, but i really dont want to end up where I was in my last relationship where the guy took complete control of the relationship... All I can say is keep your cool and you'll get back in control. Be nice and affectionate but don't over-do it. Reduce the lovey dovey stuff, that gives too much assurance. My BF was behaving somewhat the same way. It really broke my heart and I felt completely powerless until I developed a strategy to gain my control back. I just did small things, for example, when he writes me email and sign off "I miss you so much", I will sign off my response by "talk to you later!!". Little stuff like that can do wonders.
tincanman99 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I think its about control and power with him having both in the relationship. I dont think the way he treated you is right. You dont encourage a person, get physical with them, lead them up to the brink of having sex and than cut them off. Its not nice and I think its plain disrespectful of the other person's feelings. Now you feel badly and feel like a whore. I can say this for a fact, you are not a whore. You are being emotionally manipulated. I think his guy is messing with you in a huge way. I cant say whether he has small equipment but I can tell you I think this guy has the potential to be abusive whether it be emotionally or maybe physically. Ask yourself this one question: do you enjoy the way he made you feel? Ask yourself that question. I would bet the answer is no. Ask yourself one more question: do you want to be involved with someone that makes you feel this way? If you have any self respect the answer will be no again. I think you should cut him loose and go find someone who treats you the way you should be treated.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I felt so rejected and a bit of a whore... I don't get it - where's the whore in this ?? Did he leave you something on the nightstand??
Jilly Bean Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Do you like these kinds of games? Because that's what he's playing with you. I think anyone who uses sex as a weapon either has some control issues, or some serious hang-ups. Either way, I don't think your sex drives mesh, and I don't see how this would be worth any more effort. I'd lose him. He sounds like a dud, AND an ass.
BoerumHill Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I think its about control and power with him having both in the relationship. I dont think the way he treated you is right. You dont encourage a person, get physical with them, lead them up to the brink of having sex and than cut them off. Its not nice and I think its plain disrespectful of the other person's feelings. Now you feel badly and feel like a whore. I can say this for a fact, you are not a whore. You are being emotionally manipulated. I think his guy is messing with you in a huge way. I cant say whether he has small equipment but I can tell you I think this guy has the potential to be abusive whether it be emotionally or maybe physically. Ask yourself this one question: do you enjoy the way he made you feel? Ask yourself that question. I would bet the answer is no. Ask yourself one more question: do you want to be involved with someone that makes you feel this way? If you have any self respect the answer will be no again. I think you should cut him loose and go find someone who treats you the way you should be treated. Good post. If you really care about this guy you need to talk this out in very honest terms. He has to know how he made you feel. If he is unwilling to do that, throw him back. Plenty of fish in the sea.
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