RM0123 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Hi and thank you for taking the time to read my post. I have so much to say but will try to limit it without leaving out the important details. I am 26 years old and my boyfriend (or ex, i will just call him dan) turns 27 this month. We have been together for 6 years, with two previous breakups about 2 years apart. I am really Dan's first girlfriend and when we first started dating Dan was interested in me but really more concerned with his buddies and other things in life. He was not going to college. Just working as a cook. A point came when Dan told me he I couldn't be his girlfriend because he just can not commit. It does not have to do with me. Well, we tried to be just friends and that led us right back were we started. Although this time Dan was more interested in me. Well this next time things were going better and we were closer. Dan also started college which he once said he just can't go. However Dan would never want to admit that we were in a relationship and one day broke my heart by planning a trip without me after we had just talked about going on one. So I broke it of with him after a long talk because again he said he couldn't commit. Well again after a couple months we got back together and things had never been better. I was so happy and he seemed to be too. He told people we were in a relationship. He paid more attention to my needs and feelings. He also started law school after about 2 years. We talked about me moving there with him this AUg. I told him I would also like for us to get engaged then and married the following year. He always "joked" around saying things like "Whoa" when I talked about it, yet he said he was just kidding and that this is what he wanted. Well tomorrow morning we are supposed to be going on a booked and paid for cruise. However, Dan broke up with me this last tuesday saying I deserved better. He said he talked with his parents and realized I want diffferent things than he does. (I will mention I never felt his parents wanted us together, He is Jewish I am not). He cried telling me this and told me he loves me with his whole heart. So basically I feel as though I have hit a brick wall. I don't want to let Dan go. I have never been in this much pain before. Any advice?
Author RM0123 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Two added things.. We had talked about him talking with his parents about me moving to the state he is in law school and he was going to wait til after the cruise to do it. He also was going to do it on the phone because he was nervous to tell them. This obivously didn't happen. His parents are also paying me back for the cruise and flights since I paid for both of ours.
californiadreaming Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I am honestly lost for words. First of all I want to say I am sorry for this situation taking place in your life. At the same time these things happen for a reason. That reason is usually to learn something. I think what Dan needs is time. I think he needs time to miss you, or not. He needs time to figure out what the hell he wants in his love life. I mean it seems as if you all communicate well, so that is not an issue. But maybe the dudes confused, and maybe his parents have helped confuse him. With that said, he will be moving out of state and being truly on his own.. So remember that "time" thing I was talking about? - yea thats when that comes in. See when he is all off on his own he will have no choice but to think about what he left behind. He will have no choice but to miss you, or move on. Either way the truth will be revealed. As hard as it sounds you need to go FULL NC right now, continue on with your life. Let him move away, and don't speak with him until he realizes that he is an idiot for letting such a good woman go after 6 years. - At the same time when he does contact you saying this, he will probably want you to move to where he is. - Don't! .. Pace this out. You don't have time for games anymore. Let him know that if he is serious about you, he needs to show it. - Don't fall for I miss you, I'm sorry, move here, and then I can't commit after 6 months of you moving there. - So that's what I think in a nutshell. Us guys can be so hard headed at times. - I tell you this though if you are his everything, once you start NC on that a** he will crumble like a leaf in the fall. Don't answer him at all, and watch and see. - Trust me I know, I was on that side of the stick before. I was the one who turned my phone off the whole weekend, and then sent my ex a email that Monday saying that I did not want to be with her. Within 4 hours I had a change of heart, and when I went to call her, and try and work it out... lol well look where I am now.. on LoveShack.org- But in thee end it was what was intended because I was a horrible person in general. I had to learn fast about who I was, why I degraded myself, and what I needed to do to be a better person, and look at me now. My own family notices all of the change, and they congratulate me. It feels good to care for me, and in return whether its my ex, or a new woman.. I know I am and will be ready. -Good luck.
Author RM0123 Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Thanks California. I had actually read your situation previous to this post. It is strange how others are going through the same pain and there is no way to really heal it. Just for a little clarafication. He has already moved out of state. We have been doing the long distance thing since Sept. And doing it very well I might add. Constantly talking and reaffirming our love for eachother. We were going to wait til after his first year for me to move down there because I just graduated school and he will be coming back in May to do an internship here.
californiadreaming Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Thanks California. I had actually read your situation previous to this post. It is strange how others are going through the same pain and there is no way to really heal it. Just for a little clarafication. He has already moved out of state. We have been doing the long distance thing since Sept. And doing it very well I might add. Constantly talking and reaffirming our love for eachother. We were going to wait til after his first year for me to move down there because I just graduated school and he will be coming back in May to do an internship here. Oh ok, Well then just cut his a** off from this moment on. & yea all of this has been a journey, no day is the same. I am greatful for it although it sucks. I compare it alot to my experience in jail for a few months. I hated it! - But I am thankful to have experienced it, because now I know that I will do everything I can to never ever go back. So it's the same thing with love, self love, and intimate relationships. The thing that sucks is dealing with it on a day to day bases not knowing the outcome.
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