No Hero Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I used to think I was the hero in my own story but lately I have begun to see myself as the villain in my wifes story. I became a born again Christian 10 years ago and really prospered spiritually. About 5 years ago I started getting discouraged about my life and my prospects for realizing certain career goals. I am a problem-solver by nature and the fact that nothing I tried could solve this problem frustrated my beyond measure, causing tremendous emotional pain. I was also feeling very lonely and started losing hope of finding that 'someone' whom I felt a 'connection' with. This combined emotional pain lead me to start a few (3) really ill advised romantic/sexual relationships with women that were totally not right for me and which could have ended in nothing other than the fiasco in which they each did end. Each ending left me more hurt and more in despair of future happiness. Then, I decided to take steps to find a real relationship and do so in a healthy way. I signed up with E Harmony because I thought their system of matching people made sense. I met a number of intelligent, Godly women who more or less had their lives together. Moreover, I had great conversations with many them and thought a few of them could be a great match. Then "A" contacted me. I didn't answer for a while, and when I did it was short. I did not want to reject anyone based on my shallow first impression of a computer profile so I kept emailing. No spark at all. Then she called me and we talked. No spark. Then she finally insisted that we meet for a date, and I thought what the hell. We talked a long time and kinda hit it off and so we saw each other a few more times. It was evident to me after the 2nd week that I did not 'like her in that way', but I thought I was being to picky and decided to stick it out. Once, I even got frustrated with her and ended a date early (the implied breakup was obvious to both of us) but she called me later, made a concession to what had frustrated me and we kept dating. A week or two more and I realized that there were things about her that I really hated. For instance, I'm a very private person who only shares intimate things with my significant other and she tends to disclose private things at random and on an unthinking whim. Also, I prefer to be a bit reserved when meeting new people because I'm polite and want to get a feel for their sensitivities whereas "A" will offend without discrimination - she is a bit boorish and I hate how that reflects on me. Further, I'm philosophical by nature and she is the opposite, leaving both of us frustrated at the others lack of 'getting it' - but she gets over it whereas I feel more and more hopeless of a meaningful conversation every time. Well, right after a horrid (from my perspective, but not hers) 3 day vacation together, we found out she was pregnant. (Yes, another moral failure on my part). I didn't know her well enough to trust her raising my son and possibly shutting out my paternal rights to raise my son AND I didn't want my son to be legally illegitimate, so we got married 9 months later right before he was born. I told her I loved her and was marrying her for love and I have been miserable ever since. Yes, many things she does irritate me, but over the last 3 years I have tried to accept my decision and accept her as she is. I do love her, but I just cannot feel love for her as a wife. What is making me so miserable though is 1) She loves me and I can't reciprocate that. I have been in a relationship where the other person did not love me and it hurt me more than death. I can't believe I am doing this to her. 2) For me, I might NEVER experience life with a person I feel a real partnership with or a real connection to. That thought is terribly hardto bear, even though I know I did it to myself... 3) We are both Christians and divorce is a pretty serious sin. I really want to start over again but how could I just disobey God so easily and then hope for His blessing again (especially when its quite possible that the Jesus was saying that if you get a divorce for reasons of convenience you really don't have the right to get married again, unless it is to your former spouse)? I've never expected 100% happiness in life. In fact, 10% happiness would be great! Right now I feel like I have 0% happiness and about 50% pain... and yet I'm not severely depressed or despondent. I'm entirely confused. Is there anyway to settle all the competing factors here and still do the 'right thing'? What IS the right thing? I mean, divorce is a huge sin, but isn't forcing her to be married to an unloving man pretty awefull too? Jesus would want me to really love her, but I can no longer fool myself into thinking I can control which emotions I have or don't have. I'm starting to feel very bitter and resentful against her. Honestly, I feel hardened towards her - even if I COULD love her, I don't want to. This especially sucks because her presence in my life has helped me in many 'practical' ways. ps... I've told her how I feel and it hurts her, but I'm not sure she really believes me (or maybe she is just taking it better than I would if someone told me that).
lovehim4ever Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Is there ANYTHING that you do like about her? I mean I can't see you just marrying her just because you didn't want a illegitimate child. Marriage is something that should never be taken lightly. To me it just seems like everything was rushed and you just didn't know how to take it in all at once. If you married her, you should try to work things out. The worst thing for your son who be two unhappy parents. Try this: Make a list of all the good things you see in your wife and all the bad things you see in your wife. If the good outweighs the bad then you need to stick it out a figure out a way to be happy in your marriage. If the bad outweighs the good then get a divorce. I think it would be better for your whole family to be apart and happy rather than together and miserable. Yes, divorce isn't a good thing in God's eyes, but God forgives as well. Remember that. So make the list and pray for guidance.
Walk Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 From the moment you met her you haven't liked her. You never saw her as someone you really wanted in your life. The majority of her personality traits and characteristics annoy you. You continued having sex with her knowing she was not someone you imagined as a life partner. You made the promise to love, honor, and obey (or cherish) your wife in front of God. Your main reason for not divorcing her is because God will see it as you sinning. You'd rather hurt others then have your image tarnished in God's eyes. For a moment, stop thinking how others will see you, or how God will view your actions. Put your wife and childs best interest at the forefront. For one moment, think about what your wife needs and how you could best help her achieve those need? Start putting the ones you PROMISED to care for First. Whether that's letting them find real happiness on their own, or working with her to create a better marriage. But right now, you need to pull your head out of your butt and start taking responsibility for your actions.
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Hero, In 'The Power of NOW', there is a chapter on "enlightened relationships" that you may find extremely useful. The chapter does stand on its own for the most part, so you wouldn't have to read the entire book unless you felt drawn to doing that. A book that addresses your thoughts & feelings about your past choices and decisions is 'Woulda Coulda Shoulda: Overcoming Regrets, Mistakes, and Missed Opportunities'. It is showing available at amazon.com For your relationship, possibly a series of counseling sessions with your pastor or a spiritual psychotherapist? For your pessimistic outlook about life in general, cognitive therapy is likely the most appropriate to help you find a more positive mindset. Good luck and God bless.
Author No Hero Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 I appreciate the balanced advice, your compassion and also the book recommendations. Ronni: what exactly is cognitive therapy? I took cognitive psychology in undergrad, but I know it can't the same thing because the class I took revolved around how the brain learns... unless somehow what you are talking about is in retraining the brain to see things in a more positive light??? That sounds interesting. I'm going to Google it but if you read this thread, I'd really like to know more or where to get info. I think that maybe my problems with my wife could be seriously exacerbated by my own pessimism about other things which I think is what both of you seem to suggest in different ways...
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 ...unless somehow what you are talking about is in retraining the brain to see things in a more positive light??? Well, not necessarily more positive as more accurate/realistic -- which, when one is dealing with a predominantly negative (pessimistic) mindset naturally also leads to a more positive (optimistic) perspective. In therapy, it's not so much about HOW the brain learns but WHAT the given client's brain has accepted/adopted as its "truth, facts and evidence." Which, it is then about using tools and techniques to replace outdated, ill-serving beliefs and patterns of thinking with more accurate, current, useful and supportive ones. For me, cognitive therapy is more active in that we don't have to explore childhood stuff to start figuring out what is behind our current-day "negative" thoughts, feelings, habits and actions. At least, clients do have the right and authority to say, "Help me find and correct any errors in my current-day thinking so that I can improve my current situation. I don't really care HOW I got here, I just want to go someplace else." And a good, non-egotistical therapist will take you there. Not sure if any of that helps, though -- do post again, if not. EDIT: Sources for 'cognitive therapy' seem to be all theory, or marketing for therapists who love their education and enjoy speaking in psychobabble. I'll re-post if something more useful shows up when I google some other terms.
rdbidwell Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Sounds like she deserves someone who really loves her for who she is and you feel like your not the person. What would you do if someone did not really love themselves around you....I think God does not care what you do but rather that you care what you are doing....God already knows whats up.... We are all learning in this life about what that's all about. Seems like you've been honest with her that you do not actually feel or never did "that" way about her. It would lead me to think ...why did you lack the ability to be honest with yourself...why you would make compromises to your faith, yourself, to her???? Perhaps you needed her acceptance of you or approval instead of loving her for who she is. I would look into therapy for the answers you are trying to find about yourself and the reasons you do what you do. Not God....or your faith. Perhaps you do not really love God either and are just trying to get His approval also...that's why you may find it so hard to actually be fulfilled following your interpretation of His ideas and desires for your life...perhaps it is more about being approved of instead of you being real to yourself and life and Him. In any case it is not a big thing to God for you to figure out your life....He already knows you will. Seems everything we are going through in life is connected to how we are feeling about ourselves....find out what your are hearing inside.
You'reasian Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 What does she tell you when the two of you talk?
Author No Hero Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Ronni W : I bought Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda and its an amazing book. I think it explains Cognitive Therapy in a pretty understandable way (basic for laypeople) and then works out the applications in some excellent ways. Its been around forever - I wonder why I never heard of it before! Serious thanks because this will be big for me. RdBidwell : I appreciate your response, but I think we are on different pages here. I was always honest with myself about my feelings - I clearly wanted to make sure that I had the legal right to be in my sons life and also that he would not be illegitimate and so I chose that value over choosing not to marry "A". Yes, that is crappy and horrible but many unwed fathers lose all their rights to be in their children's lives. I'm a good dad and I love my son and don't want him to end up like many boys who have no dad, or worse, have an evil step father that harms him. Hurt "A" or hurt my unborn son; that was my choice. To save one I had to hurt the other. I saw no way out of that dilema and I chose the lesser of the two evils. I thought "Perhaps I will learn to love 'A' whereas if I don't marry her my son will be fatherless". As for God's approval, I'm thankful that He does not approve me by looking at my actions and my thinking - if so then I would be in trouble, just like every other person in our human race. I am approved by God because I have accepted Jesus' sacrifice on my behalf. Hence, I look to please God and do what He wants me to do in gratefulness... this is my problem - I obviously sinned big by sleeping with "A" in the first place and to continue doing so. I obviously spit in His face and acted ridiculous. Now I'm contemplating 'fixing' this mess by more sin... Please don't make the mistake that I am coming at this from a rational perspective either - you don't understand why I did what I did because it is completely non-understandable. That is what happens when emotions get in the mix. As for God, I think you are confusing 'God' with 'Ego'. God is a real person, not an internal idea that I can manipulate at will to make me feel better or worse. My ideas and interpretations of who God is come from the Bible and listening to whats going on inside me will not change Him. For instance, just because I made myself feel better about fornication doesn't for one second mean that God is ok about it. BUT... you are completely right that I DO need to listen to myself and figure out whats going on inside. I need to be real with God in that way; I need to tell Him what I'm feeling even (especially) when its not in line with what I know He wants. But then again, I've always done that. My problem is deciding what IS the right thing to do now and then finding the strength to do it. Finally, I don't always love God. In fact sometimes He really irritates me - especially when He tells me I cant have what I want or doesn't open a door that I want to go through. Thats why the metaphor of God being our "Heavenly Father" is so true - Fathers love their children even when their kids are spoiled rotten brats and show disrespect, disobedience and rebellion against them. In the long run though, this passes and the children deeply respect and love their fathers for being strong when they were weak. I admit my failure and now I need a rescue; that is my issue, not whether I love God or not. All in all Bidwell, I am a crappy person but I'm trying to do the right thing - but the 'right thing' comes in many competing forms. Perhaps I am looking at it from a Utilitarian perspective rather than a Deontological perspective, but I think even Kants categorical imperative would not so easily solve the question whether to divorce and sin so that "A" can be free or to stay unhappily married. BentnotBroken : She obviously was not the right woman for me, God did not need to tell me that directly because He gave me common sense that told me so. But unfortunately whether she was 'the right one' was not a consideration when I married her. I TRULY don't believe God would want me to leave my son without a father, which is what happens many times when a liberal court system throws paternal rights away on a whim (in cases of unwed fathers). My best chance to make sure my son had a present father was to marry his mother. (I didn't know "A" enough to trust her after only 6 weeks and still didn't know her enough after 9 months). Also, please don't presume that by reading several paragraphs that I wrote that you know the whole story. I DID view my wife as a 'helpmate', a partner, but she scorned that. "A" is about "A" and what she wants is someone to do everything that she tells him to do. She's not really about equality or helping, she's about double standards and getting what she wants. I could list a hundred things I did as a Godly husband and then tell you about 95 ways she rejected those things. I can tell you about countless conversations where I came to her humbly and tried to explain my points of view about the marriage and how we might try this idea or that idea or another idea... what I met with was a lack of concentration and general apathy of concern towards most things I said. The things that she did show a concern about were forgotten by the next morning. Please understand that most of these things were ALREADY agreed upon BEFORE we got married, she just forgot or pretneded to understand when she in fact did not agree or did not understand. Yes, I am at a point now where the negative feelings have drowned out hopefulness in my heart and I am feeding those feelings I guess. That is where my problem is and that is why I need to make a decision; hence why I came here for advice. As for submitting to God, you are right. I must do that, and I am. That is where the question is coming in - Jesus says divorce is wrong so obviously I shouldn't do that. Right? Maybe, but is it merciful to make my wife stay in a relationship where she is unloved and I am so resent\tful that I see red when I look at her? I've lived long enough to know that this is a dirty world and you can't live here without getting dirty. I spent a long time trying to meticulously only do what God says (submitting legalistically) and then coming to find that even then I end up in sinful situations. I'm not rationalizing that sin is ok, just that it is not always unavoidable... hence Gods forgiveness! Heres my dilema BentnotBroken: it seems much more merciful to cut "A" lose, if thats what she wants, than to force her to stay in a marriage with me. Is it sinful? Yes. Will God forgive me? Yes. Does that mean its ok? NO. Does it mean the world is going to end or that God will no longer be in control? NO! But then again, I really don't like to think about choosing a sinful alternative in the face of a clear statement of Gods opposition to it. This is a real, human struggle and should not be so easily swept under the rug. Finally, if we do get divorced, I won't be looking for anyone else, even if I may want to. I agree that its bad advice to 'leave and find happiness for [my]self' because as you say, I'm already not happy because of my bad choices. You are absolutely right that I need to get things straightened out inside myself if I don't want to make this kind of mistake again. Reestablishing a workable relationship with the Lord is the priority. I appreciate the feedback and your dedication to put God's point of view out there for me instead of just permissively allowing me to satisfy my baser desires. You'reasin: When we talk about it, "A" seems to accept it with a poise and personal strength that I would not have in her shoes. I don't know if she really believes me because it seems like she is hoping I will take it back, somehow. I guess that is normal to want, when hearing something so disagreeable. In fact, I would love to be able to take it back. I wish it were just something I said out of anger but I can't continue to lie to her. The truth is out and its only fair to remain consistent about it. The other thing is that she continues to feel that she made lots of compromises in our relationship and wont compromise any further in order to make this thing work. My initial post was a bit simplistic in that I only called out my own failings in the relationship. I did not tell you how hard I tried to make it work or the things she did to defeat those things. I also didn't include the back and forth and back and forth or our two different perspectives that never ends in seeing eye to eye, but just more frustration for both of us. All in all, its a personality conflict issue. We care about each other and we don't want to hurt each other capriciously with words or actions. I'm not sure if she wants a divorce or not. She said she did, but then seems to hold back from it. I think she is waiting for me to make the move. I'm waiting to make sure that its the right move, rather than waiting for some serendipitous wisdom that would make our situation workable. Does that answer your question, or did I go off base?
rdbidwell Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Thank you for being careful with my lack of understanding as to the details of your situation...I agree with you that I was not on the same page....you are kind to my mistake...I hope I did not hurt your feelings. What if it was not a sin to divorce a person that you married....love and take care of your children...because you did marry them and then got a divorce in order to maintain your parental rights. Your problem would be solved. If I read right your concern is: Doing what is right. Knowing what is written as to what God wants..... your in the clear if you stay and forgo your own desires for a satisfying relationship. Staying for your unborn child's happiness even though you will not be truly happy....is a sacrifice of sorts and falls in line with Godly concepts of right. Not doing what you want to falls in line with Godly concepts...not my will but His. Supposedly God will bless you if you choose rightly....and curse you with woe if you sin. So you sinned and your screwed unless you choose a right way. Or your suffering because the choice you made could not be blessed and the card house is falling.....I wonder {to my self} if it would also be a sin to yoke with someone you are not able to love because of the differences. Love and take care of your son....go and sin no more and fall in love with someone for the right reasons. If you had to experience God for yourself without the Bible...and did not have someone telling you what was what....your common sense would guide you to retract yourself make amends and move on.....i think...or for me anyway ...that would be real. What do you think.
Ronni_W Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Ronni W : I bought Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda and its an amazing book. ... Serious thanks because this will be big for me. Congrats on taking your first, BIG step!!! (EDIT: Actually, second step, yes? First was posting here.) Needless to say, I'm happy to have made the recommendation, and glad you feel it will be as useful as I thought it might. Your serious challenge will be to uncover your own "stinking thinking", as my therapist calls it. It's not that we deliberately set out to fool ourselves but...we do tend to do that, do we not? So, a therapist may still be helpful. Perhaps to get you started in the very best direction, and then when you feel too "stuck" to propel yourself forward. If I could suggest that you borrow 'The Power of NOW' from the library, and read that chapter...it will bring in a spiritual meaning to your growth work, as well. Which I am interpreting is as important to you as the mental-emotional. Again, wishing you all the best.
stillafool Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I used to think I was the hero in my own story but lately I have begun to see myself as the villain in my wifes story. I became a born again Christian 10 years ago and really prospered spiritually. About 5 years ago I started getting discouraged about my life and my prospects for realizing certain career goals. I am a problem-solver by nature and the fact that nothing I tried could solve this problem frustrated my beyond measure, causing tremendous emotional pain. I was also feeling very lonely and started losing hope of finding that 'someone' whom I felt a 'connection' with. This combined emotional pain lead me to start a few (3) really ill advised romantic/sexual relationships with women that were totally not right for me and which could have ended in nothing other than the fiasco in which they each did end. Each ending left me more hurt and more in despair of future happiness. Then, I decided to take steps to find a real relationship and do so in a healthy way. I signed up with E Harmony because I thought their system of matching people made sense. I met a number of intelligent, Godly women who more or less had their lives together. Moreover, I had great conversations with many them and thought a few of them could be a great match. Then "A" contacted me. I didn't answer for a while, and when I did it was short. I did not want to reject anyone based on my shallow first impression of a computer profile so I kept emailing. No spark at all. Then she called me and we talked. No spark. Then she finally insisted that we meet for a date, and I thought what the hell. We talked a long time and kinda hit it off and so we saw each other a few more times. It was evident to me after the 2nd week that I did not 'like her in that way', but I thought I was being to picky and decided to stick it out. Once, I even got frustrated with her and ended a date early (the implied breakup was obvious to both of us) but she called me later, made a concession to what had frustrated me and we kept dating. A week or two more and I realized that there were things about her that I really hated. For instance, I'm a very private person who only shares intimate things with my significant other and she tends to disclose private things at random and on an unthinking whim. Also, I prefer to be a bit reserved when meeting new people because I'm polite and want to get a feel for their sensitivities whereas "A" will offend without discrimination - she is a bit boorish and I hate how that reflects on me. Further, I'm philosophical by nature and she is the opposite, leaving both of us frustrated at the others lack of 'getting it' - but she gets over it whereas I feel more and more hopeless of a meaningful conversation every time. Well, right after a horrid (from my perspective, but not hers) 3 day vacation together, we found out she was pregnant. (Yes, another moral failure on my part). I didn't know her well enough to trust her raising my son and possibly shutting out my paternal rights to raise my son AND I didn't want my son to be legally illegitimate, so we got married 9 months later right before he was born. I told her I loved her and was marrying her for love and I have been miserable ever since. Yes, many things she does irritate me, but over the last 3 years I have tried to accept my decision and accept her as she is. I do love her, but I just cannot feel love for her as a wife. What is making me so miserable though is 1) She loves me and I can't reciprocate that. I have been in a relationship where the other person did not love me and it hurt me more than death. I can't believe I am doing this to her. 2) For me, I might NEVER experience life with a person I feel a real partnership with or a real connection to. That thought is terribly hardto bear, even though I know I did it to myself... 3) We are both Christians and divorce is a pretty serious sin. I really want to start over again but how could I just disobey God so easily and then hope for His blessing again (especially when its quite possible that the Jesus was saying that if you get a divorce for reasons of convenience you really don't have the right to get married again, unless it is to your former spouse)? I've never expected 100% happiness in life. In fact, 10% happiness would be great! Right now I feel like I have 0% happiness and about 50% pain... and yet I'm not severely depressed or despondent. I'm entirely confused. Is there anyway to settle all the competing factors here and still do the 'right thing'? What IS the right thing? I mean, divorce is a huge sin, but isn't forcing her to be married to an unloving man pretty awefull too? Jesus would want me to really love her, but I can no longer fool myself into thinking I can control which emotions I have or don't have. I'm starting to feel very bitter and resentful against her. Honestly, I feel hardened towards her - even if I COULD love her, I don't want to. This especially sucks because her presence in my life has helped me in many 'practical' ways. ps... I've told her how I feel and it hurts her, but I'm not sure she really believes me (or maybe she is just taking it better than I would if someone told me that). I don't think God would want this for her. He loves her also not just you. I'm sure you have discussed this with him in prayer and if you haven't you need to. If thy right hand offends you, cut it off.
Scottdmw Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Hi NH, Like you, I come at this from a Christian perspective and consider what God would have a person do. I also take very seriously the literal words of the wedding vow--"for better or worse, till death do us part". If you didn't mean that, why did you say it? As you've found, you really can't change who the other person is or how they act. They may choose to change but you can't control it. You however can change yourself. I'm going to give a suggestion, whether it's right only you can judge. You could choose to accept that this is your life, that the marriage is absolutely irrevocable and all you can do is make the best of it and put the agonized decision-making aside. Do whatever it takes to make the two of you as happy as possible given that. Maybe you will never be in love. Maybe she will always do things you don't agree with. I am almost sure though that you could still be happy even so. There are people in this world that choose to be celibate for life because they believe God wishes it, I know some and they certainly seem happy. People find ways to be happy with far less in life than what you have. Ask yourself, would you choose your situation or would you rather be a quadraplegic, or a villager in Africa living in a hut, for example? You are the one that chose to promise "for better or worse" to this person, knowing that you weren't in love. Some practical suggestions. . .do you love your child? Focus on that, think about making the best possible life for your child. Maybe some distance (without divorce) could help the two of you--maybe you both need to spend more time with friends, activities, etc. so you don't get on each others' nerves as much. Couples counselling never hurts either. Scott
Scottdmw Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 A final note--on the activites etc. Take the energy you've been putting into "fixing" the relationship and put it into something else, something that you feel will improve your life whether it's career, working out, a hobby, etc. Give your wife space but don't completely ignore her, just show her that you're trying to make the best of your life. Allow her to be how she wishes rather than trying to change her. Show her love, but don't be so focused on her, the relationship, and trying to _fix_ both. Scott
smarterthanbefore Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Honestly, I think if you were looking for God's approval, you would not have been having sex with someone you did not like, let alone love before marriage, just my opinion. You put yourself and her is a horrible place. She married you based on the lie you told her about being in love with her. You can repair this. You can divorce her so she can find some one who will love her properly. You also can find the right person. You two can still raise your child together and make the child happy. What you are doing now is teaching your child it is okay to be in a loveless marriage where daddy don't like mommy. Is that the kind of marriage you want your child to have? Children usually reciprocate thier parents marriages, because that is the example they were given. People are always hollering i'm staying in misery for my children, how bout divorcing for the children, so they can see a good example of marriage and see two happy parents. I do believe God will forgive you for divorcing someone you don't love, after all, this does make your marriage a huge lie, which is also a sin.
Heroic Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 Seriously...not on Christ like thing in your post..you might want to rethink your label.
Author No Hero Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 Seriously Heroic, I know - that's why created the thread. I was in a bit of a crisis of faith and life. Got any other brilliant, insightful, self righteous comments you'd like to make? I promise I will give them as much attention as they are worth
Ronni_W Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Hiya Hero. How are things going over there? -- "better than before," I hope Sending hugs and good stuff.
ruggy Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 So your a christian, big deal. I am an atheist. Nice to meet you. Go to couple therapy and work it out. That is how they did it in the old days. We are in the want it now generation. Problem. Fix it NOW. Sorry, relationships do not work that way. It takes time and hard work on both ends. Since usually one of the members of the couple do not do this, it fails.
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