confuzledman83 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 We have known each other for ten years and been together since last november. Things have gone down hill. She tells me that I was once not the man I was, (everything I list I was the total opposite) She said"you are weak, not confident in anything, you bring me down, i don't know if I am in love with you, your a pussy and a b*tch(meaning that I am to fragile let little things get to me and I complain about being hurt when I shouldn't), you mooch off me(she didn't mooch from me though before), your basically not the man I feel in love with. I ask her even if I change can things be ok with us then get back to loving each other unconditionally? Her reply is I DON'T KNOW, and if you do change tomorrow you expect me to wipe the slate clean and forgive you(I tell her no I don't expect you to just forgive and forget)???!!! That is her reply all the time. I want to prepare myself for myself(in other words better myself for myself so that I can be good for me and then I can be good for others). My overall question is that I love this woman my friend for 10 years and fiance(lover) for 14 months, should I see if she agrees with a "trail separation" or should I just let things keep getting worse or say its over and move on? What do you suggest(I know all relationships are different) all opinions are appreciated. Straight need help
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 (((hugs))). I'm sorry that you are in such a crappy relationship. IMO, everybody deserves much more positive and supportive relationships than what you have been getting...and settling for. I hear that you do still love her. But, based on her harsh judgment of you, and her toxic criticism of you, there really isn't any evidence that she still loves you. People who genuinely love, respect, appreciate and care about you would NOT make such cruel observations and esteem-sucking comments. They wouldn't even be able to think those things, nevermind be willing to say it out loud to anyone else...and especially not to you. You do deserve better...but that is only MY judgment. More important is if YOU believe that you deserve better? Do you want better? Do you hold any hope that you can ever get what you truly deserve and desire from this particular relationship, and from someone who can dump this level of hostility on you? Your answers to those types of self-reflective questions will help you assess where you are, and make wise decisions about how to get where you want to go.
eclipseIDE Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 We have known each other for ten years and been together since last november. Things have gone down hill. She tells me that I was once not the man I was, (everything I list I was the total opposite) She said"you are weak, not confident in anything, you bring me down, i don't know if I am in love with you, your a pussy and a b*tch(meaning that I am to fragile let little things get to me and I complain about being hurt when I shouldn't), you mooch off me(she didn't mooch from me though before), your basically not the man I feel in love with. I ask her even if I change can things be ok with us then get back to loving each other unconditionally? Her reply is I DON'T KNOW, and if you do change tomorrow you expect me to wipe the slate clean and forgive you(I tell her no I don't expect you to just forgive and forget)???!!! That is her reply all the time. I want to prepare myself for myself(in other words better myself for myself so that I can be good for me and then I can be good for others). My overall question is that I love this woman my friend for 10 years and fiance(lover) for 14 months, should I see if she agrees with a "trail separation" or should I just let things keep getting worse or say its over and move on? What do you suggest(I know all relationships are different) all opinions are appreciated. Straight need help Listen to what she thinks of you? Does it sound like she respects you? Is she perfect? She doesnt sound like a nice person, How do you think she would deal with you if had a bout of depression or some other set back? Sounds like she would probably kick you when you were down.
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