preciousga Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I dated a guy for a couple of months and at the time he was so deeply in love with me. I was still running the streets and wasn't ready to settle down. He said he wanted to be with me & have a child, but that freaked me out. I stopped seeing him. Now that I'm single, he has been contacting me and he has a girlfriend now and they fight constantly. He is very attractive, so i slept with him twice. I told him that I'm really starting to like him now, and that he should call me when he's single. We can't just be friends because the physical attraction is so strong. Do you think I did the right thing cause I haven't heard from him in three days?
Geishawhelk Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 wait another week then get in touch. You have no way of knowing why he hasn't contacted you. 3 days isn't many.
joybean72 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Hi Preciousga, I had to read your back story first in regards to posting this...I am sorry you have gone through that horrible ordeal btw. (((((HUG))))) So that brings me to a few questions and what I see just by reading both posts (answer if you want to, tell me I'm wrong, tell me to STFU if I am intruding too much (lol) whateva!) How long did that happen to you? Was this current ex bf the the guy you were seeing when that all happened with the "evil" ex bf? Or how soon after that happened did you start seeing this current ex? When someone goes through something as traumatic as rape, being scared (by not reporting the incident)...."running away"...feeling not worthy of receiving/accepting someone's love...and having a fear of not being able to give it back to anyone...are all part of the PTSD. Have you sought counseling for that? (I'm not in ANY way saying you are crazy...I'm just asking because you (& he) may have unresolved issues in play that have or can affect having a healthy relationship.) Your statement, "He is very attractive, so i slept with him twice" is kinda concerning and almost blase in how it comes across in your post. Also stating that you are "starting to like him" being as the guy was deeply in love with you however long ago is raising a red flag with me. The guy may have either: A.) Not called because he doesn't want to venture or invest anything more in fear of his heart broken again by you. B.) Not called because he got what we wanted from you and his relationship isn't as bad as he's letting on. (Which I HOPE isn't his attitude if he knew what you went through!) C.) Not calling because he's trying to figure out how to end things with his gf. Anywhoo...it's only been three days! In any case...hope things work out, for everyone involved.
Author preciousga Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 That happened to me four months ago, i did receive couseling and it REALLY did HELP. I was seeing the guy "that's taken" over a year ago, but he was a good guy and we dated for awhile. Therefore, us becoming intimate again felt natural. I'm not one to date someone that's taken, so i ended it but i really like him now. Thank you for being sincere, i really appreciate it.
wildsoul Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I think you did the right thing! If you can stick to your boundaries, you'll do just fine. One thing I've learned here, from my own experiences and from others is this: Once you've already cheated with a guy, he WILL contact you again for more. It might be days, or weeks. Rarely, they'll wait months. I bet you hear from him next week. It's really on us to set the boundary. You've got all the power. Remember that when you start missing and thinking you need him. So if you want a relationship and not an affair, then hold firm. You've already stated your boundary. Now just hold steady. You're worth it!
norajane Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Once you've already cheated with a guy, he WILL contact you again for more. It might be days, or weeks. Just make sure he's really single before starting to see him. Cheaters aren't so great with telling the truth. They deceive in order to get what they want - that's how they operate.
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