carhill Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I think ur rly cute ,bt ur obsesed with her.U need 2 alone 4 a min.Take som tim 4 urself instead of rushing 2 meet smbdy .im not xcited bout the thought of being a robound. If I were divorced and had "mentioned" my wife (ex) a couple times during a date and saw this on my phone from essentially a complete stranger, I would not waste my time. Why? Essentially because she's telling me what to do. She doesn't know me well enough to enjoy that privilege and the date isn't an anonymous support forum where I asked for her advice. It's a date. Funny, when I went on dates it was always the women ragging on about (not merely mentioning) their ex'es. I learned to just smile like the plucky duck I am and silently said "next". I'm positive that, when I did speak up and set my boundary, it was the last time I saw the woman. So, OP, do you want to accept that kind of behavior from a woman, even if she's "right"? Up to you. If this woman is a long-time friend for whom you've recently developed romantic feelings and she knows you well, tell us about that.
Ronni_W Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Heh now i'm confused like i said i really like this girl but now i'm not sure if i should contact her or wait. Dave, what is your own instinct telling you to do? -- that really is always the BEST, most accurate gauge of what will be best for you. When you connect with that (your own 'inner wisdom', as it were) you can totally ignore every other piece of "advice" you hear from external sources. STOP telling yourself that you are confused, cos you'll just make yourself more confused . DO NOT let crappy external "advice" make you feel confused, either -- there is a part of you that already knows what is useful and what is crap. Trust that part. For what it's worth (and keeping in mind to ignore this, if your instinct is telling you something different), I agree with what luvg said. Contact her now but wait 2 or 3 weeks before asking her to lunch. I would suggest to call her (now), but texting would be better than nothing, IMO. Good luck!
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Well i did reply to her text the other night saying this I think ur cute as well and i assure you im not obbessed with my ex but whatever ill take the time you said i should and hit you whenever later. As you can see not the greatest text i should have sent.
carhill Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 DO NOT let crappy external "advice" make you feel confused, either -- there is a part of you that already knows what is useful and what is crap. Trust that part. Whoa....calling my advice crappy now. Excellent! Now I know I'm getting somewhere. Sounds a lot like our later sessions in MC
Ronni_W Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Whoa....calling my advice crappy now. Carhill, you're personalizing or projecting or something Why do you feel it is YOUR advice to which I was referring, and not advice in general? Whether it is what course to take, or car to buy, or when/how to contact this woman? (Which actually is MY fact of what I intended to convey, and not only to Dave.) Anyway, I thought you knew by now that I love you plenty! Big hugs. Dave, please note I meant for you to trust your instincts no matter what decision you are in process of making.
sultry33 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 op i think you have met a goodun.. at least she respected you enough to tell you how it is.. you must have brought your ex up maybe more than you realised;) been there in both senses.. had one guy show me a love letter an pic def nono:eek: i was outa there. on the otherhand whilst i was healing i did mention my ex too much and i took time out as i knew i was not ready. If you do feel ready to date now and this girl is your chosen one then keep the contact up even if its a " hi hows you?" its better than nc for a woman a month is way too long! personally i dont like the wait;) i hope things do work out for you.. my new partner and me did discuss our ex relationships briefly asi do find it helps .. was not over the top and i think we both was ok with it.. good luck to you
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Thanks for all the good advice everyone
Author OCCDAVE Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Grrr i sorta did like this girl but im not sure what to do
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