TG84 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Hey everyone, i am having these panic attacks during the day and when i try to go to bed at night. I cringe and just go into a deep slump emotionally whenever i think "she's probably having a great time right now at a bar or something while I'm here). Whenever I drink or go out, I invariably return to thinking about her. During the day, I can't stop thinking about her, and it's affecting my friendships and my life in general. She's one of the only girls I've ever been with and I love her a lot, so there's the lingering question of if I'd ever be able to do better. Only when I'm at home looking at loveshack for help to I get much solace. And the only time I can sleep is by convincing myself or hearing a piece of news that makes me believe she would consider getting back together for me ("oh i heard y'all broke up -- sounds like she needs some space dude, but don't worry in time she'll come back) I can't think, food doesn't taste good, and water even tastes bitter at times when it's really bad. I've had about a half dozen sleepless nights over the past 20 days. Even when I'm with people, every ten minutes I find myself staring into space thinking of her and completely being rude to the people around me. Every conversation I have, I invariably mention my ex. She was such a hug part of my life the past few years. What can I do? Should I take medication? Should I seek out closure? The biggest thing is she refuses to see me anymore -- my cousin told her she needed to give me closure, and she apparently said she would call, maybe email, but definitely refused to see me. I guess I'm a reck at this point. NC would be so sad because of what we had and could have had, and I don't think I can do better. Back Story: Ive been going through a really bad breakup over the past few months (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t173433/) -- basically, after a long term really serious relationship, she dumped me on the phone while we were doing LD a few weeks before long distance was about to end. Then she was contemplating getting back out loud to my cousin, and then when i told her things would be great, please come back, etc. that seemed to reinforce her decision and she refused to meet up with me to talk in person. i told her i would give her space and not see anyone else, hoping with a month or so of space she would realize what she was losing. But since then she has done a lot of cold things and basically treated me like a stranger. (myspace photos kissing guys knowing i would see them, we talked once by chat and she didnt care at all about what was going on with my life, etc.). i guess there was no closure for me either, as i am still shocked she would break things off so soon after she said she loved me and wanted to be with me really badly. Anyway -- the important part is that
Brayden Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Ask yourself has the pain lessened at all since the first week after the break up? Even if its just a little improvement its an improvement. No advice anyone cant give will make u happy right now or even able to function normaly. But advice can help u not feel so isolated and alone. You just need time. A few weeks ago I couldnt imagine functioning as Iam now. You dont need to be 100%, but 50% is enough to give u strength to fight off most of the pain. Thats what Im doing right now. I couldnt sleep/eat for days either..It kills seeing those pictures of her with guys. How can she be so heartless? Breaks it off then kicks u while your down. And your saying your worried u cant do better? What in your eyes is your perception of better? Please dont tell me appearance because thats no way to judge how good someone is. And please dont say how caring she is, cos if she was she wouldnt hurt u with those pictures. And if u still think she was that good. Then u should think to yourself, If i was capable of meeting someone this good once then of course it could happen again. I dont think u need medication or anything. You just need to stay strong and hang in there. Just need more time..I too was upset knowing shes out partying while im depressed because of her.. But doesnt that show u the kind of person she is and that u can do better..And you think too much..Your driving yourself insane. Thats what I did, i couldnt stop thinking but i realised Im just in a world of my own. Regardless of wether or not I get all negative and drive myslf crazy it wont change anything and she wont know wat your feeling, not that she cares. So it wont benefit you. But we dont have control of our minds when out emotions are controling it. Just hang in there and try to think ahead 1 week. then another week.count the days and dnt dig or look up info on her cos it just ensures your pain will last longer..and u can do better but u have to be positive cos positive person attracts positive people.
Surfer Dude Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I don't think you need meds or therapy, at least not yet. I was pretty much in the same state as you, no matter what I did or where I went, my thoughts were focused on her 100% of the time. Even when drinking out with friends, I was thinking about her, how she was probably having sex with some guy while I was all miserable and depressed. But the pain goes away. It lessens every day, even by bits, but it eventually completely fades.
EmperorR Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 It gets easier trust me, yes your still in the early stages where you think you willl never find a girl that good again but it's all a crock of bs. Trust me she ain't coming back sorry no need to sugarcoat it.
bhweller Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 i know once they are gone, they are gone. sure sometimes they come back but its never the same. once they leave once, they will leave again unless you dump them or somebody dies. its been a little over 24 hours for me and i'm doing the best I can. the hard part is just knowing that she doesn't feel the way I do.
bhweller Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 to the OP i would say that if you are still depressed in 2 more weeks you should consider medication. you don't have to stay on it long term.
Peter_pan Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 It gets easier trust me, yes your still in the early stages where you think you willl never find a girl that good again but it's all a crock of bs. Trust me she ain't coming back sorry no need to sugarcoat it. agreed, trust me to dude ! dont get meds. stay happy. it will get better. (cant believe i made it myself ! )
Author TG84 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I'm ruined. She just AIM messaged me, after my cousin demanded she give me closure, saying SHE's DATING SOMEONE ELSE -- she hadnt planned on it, but it just happened. I didn't respond -- but she was long i fyou want to talk, then fine. When we broke up. She told me she wasn't in a place to be in a relationship, that there was no one else, that this guy was one oif a group of guys that was unatttrative and she would never date (he is unnatractive -- had always been a friend, but must have swooped in for the kill after the breakup). the worst thing is i sill love and care about her -- evern as her friend, I would be hurt that she would rebound like this...I dont know what to do with myself. I didnt sleep last night -- I had panic attacks again, and shortness of breath at work yesterday. She was everything to me the past 3-4 years -- we were going to start the rest of our lives together in LA, and now she's dumped me and immediately started screwing this loser. Now what? I still want her in a lot of ways because she gave me direction and we practically grew up together. But this is such a blow to me emotionally -- I thought I couldnt recover before after you all's words knowing she may come back some day, but now I just dont know. I dont know how I'll make it through work, etc. over the next few years.
Author TG84 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 It hurts a lot that she's getting over this so easily to and finding someone else so quickly. She was talking about going somewhere exotic for the summer when we were doing LD, and now she'll probably be taking this guy with her and they'll probably last til then because she'll want someone with her there. Meanwhile, I'm in LA, with few friends, adjusting and in an awkward phase with her well out of my life. I don't want to say the S word, but I am so depressed that I don't know what will ever make me happy -- my job feels empty, my life feels like there's no direction to it without her, and I never have an appetite and can't sleep. I guess Brayden, you are right about your post -- that's something I must get over, but now with a picture to along with it and a relationship with her doing all the things with him I did with her and shjould have done with her... I just need everyone's help and support since I don't have it here in LA right now.
Surfer Dude Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 It hurts a lot that she's getting over this so easily to and finding someone else so quickly. She was talking about going somewhere exotic for the summer when we were doing LD, and now she'll probably be taking this guy with her and they'll probably last til then because she'll want someone with her there. Same thing happened to me, after we broke up all the things we were supposed to do together, she did with her new boyfriend (3rd in a row after dumping me). It feels like the thing most sacred to me has been violated. I suppose I could do the same, but having some other woman in her place still seems so difficult. Meanwhile, I'm in LA, with few friends, adjusting and in an awkward phase with her well out of my life. I don't want to say the S word, but I am so depressed that I don't know what will ever make me happy -- my job feels empty, my life feels like there's no direction to it without her, and I never have an appetite and can't sleep. I guess Brayden, you are right about your post -- that's something I must get over, but now with a picture to along with it and a relationship with her doing all the things with him I did with her and shjould have done with her... Welcome the club. Ever since she left, my life completely empty, I have nothing to do and no where to go, few friends that I have resorted to alcoholism, never leave their rooms... I'm really afraid of opening up to a new relationship, I just have problems trusting people after what happened. But we'll be fine bro. It's just a matter of time. There is absolutely nothing we can do about it. NC and time heal everything. It worked before, it should work again. Hang in there.
steve9417 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 trust this one ........ you'll be fine just like SurferDude said it might feel like the worst kinda groundhog day but thanks to good old time it'll pass i've personally had nearly 7 weeks of NC - yes S was an option but i always believed that i'd get over a woman that was not deserving of me - i cried loads, talked to family / friends, been seeing a therapist, exercised and started writing a journal - i'm still in the mix but doing these things has broken the back of the "panic" - i generally believed i'd be okay and i'm starting to get a sense of that now ....... you're perhaps in the worst place right with the info you've just been given .... i was badly cut up thinking of my ex when she mentioned a new man and knowing what he was doing with her ....... now i kinda laugh it off ...... seriously you'll get to this place in time there's a load of good advice on LS - esp the stuff NoFoolin posted some 4 years back ....... really helped me - check it out medication (including self medication) is a way to numb the pain ...... its an option and i did consider antidepressants at the start - in the end grieving and reaching out to close friends / family helped me to release all the worst of the pain take care of yourself ...........
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