fabulousgal Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 im sorry i couldn't ride my bike to your rehersal and got upset when i fell off and decided to go home because i was embarassed and had wanted to impress you. i am sorry you never understood why i was so embarassed. it's like, you thought i was weird or something for feeling bad i had fallen in front of you...i tried to explain to you its like when you are trying to look cool in front of your crush and fail miserably. im sorry i made you go out one night to meet my friend. all his friends had bailed on him, and i didn't want to be the last one that did - since we had tentative plans w him anyway. i think i drank too much that night, and when you called me out on it the next day, i told you i was sorry and would be more careful in the future. you were right. but somehow, i don't think you took my response to mean jack sh* because you still looked annoyed. i appreciated what you told me that day. but you can't seem to appreciate me. im sorry i told you i missed you 5 days after i moved. you wrote me first when i left, and jesus just 5 days ago we were wrapped up in eachothers arms. my bad. im sorry i got upset when you told me you didn't know if you felt so strongly for me or not, but you liked me. mind you, you spent the entire weekend prior being kinda intimate and told me "this is perfect". i feel rejected by someone i really let in. you've moved on, i am not one to stop anyone so you can keep moving. one day someone will appreciate what you couldn't or wouldn't.
Author fabulousgal Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 my stomach is in knots, i spent the entire day cleaning furiously....you could perform surgery in my kitchen its so clean....and i end up sobbing over the dishes, the thought, that i'm the only one missing the other is hard as crap because i thought it was special. yes i know im whining. i should be so irate at this individual and pity the day he try to talk to me - but i'm not. i wish i could cut him out, but i keep reliving everything over and over, wondering what sign i missed or how he could say somethings and then do another.
Angel1111 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I don't fully understand your post but I'm sorry you're going through this pain. I remember doing that 'extreme cleaning' thing. There's something soothing about it, isn't there? So, who's saying they're sorry - you? You moved and didn't talk to him for 5 days? Hmmm....that is kinda strange - for either of you. Sounds like there was a lot of love or affection here and that it's somehow lost in all the misunderstandings.
Author fabulousgal Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Thanks Angie, I am saying I am sorry. Our relationship had a short window, and then I had to move away (far far away). We seemed so into one another, he said certain things that I don't think you say unless you are. Right before I left he told me he couldn't do an LDR, he didn't feel that serious. I live a lifestyle with lots of travel and income so I didn't "get it" at first, but I did later. He doesn't have these things. And most people like dating someone who is in person. Especially if you've only been seeing one another for a short time. I just have never experienced that luxury as my job is all travel. We spent the last bit of my time together and it was great. I even pulled away slightly because of our chat, but he wasn't at all. When I returned home - I didn't know what to expect. He wrote me immediatley, and after a few email exchanges I said "I miss you" and he freaked out and said something about moving on. I was like wow I've only been gone 4 days. We kept in touch for awhile, but I went NC, then broke it, and got kind of a write off email from him, which is fine it is better this way. I can't date someone I don't know that well, overseas. It just hurts, whether its the cut off method or he care/i care method. but i wasn't getting that, so the cut off method it is. sigh.
Angel1111 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Well, his response seemed a little over the top just because you said you missed him. I agree that an LDR would be very difficult and not really something you'll ultimately want to do. Still, I'm sorry it hurt so much and that he's acting that way. Most guys do that because they don't want to start all the mushy talk because it's harder to disconnect when that happens.
Author fabulousgal Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Thank you very much for talking this out w me!! I know saying mushy things wouldn't help disconnect....its just so hard because my last memory of him is him kissing my hand and watching me walk to my plane. it wasn't harsh. he's right, it's better to move on. i just really opened up to him A LOT and now it sucks he doesn't want much to do with me. but even though im down and feel rejected, i know i deserve better. even through the dark cloud that is weighing me down ... i know that. my lifestyle makes breakups so blahhhhh to the max. i travel for work, so i am alone in hotel rooms most nights and forget consistent hobbies. i think i would have moved on much easier had this not been the case, because when i am between jobs i get in a routine and do good things.
Angel1111 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Well I don't see the need for him to act the way he's acting now. Maybe he blames you for moving away and for making that decision. He may feel that you 'made your bed', so to speak. You know, sometimes travel can provide opportunities to meet great people. If it consistently affects your personal life, you may want to consider a new career. Hope you're doing better.
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