SilverLining Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Alright, I've posted a few times on here before. It has always helped me before, so I'm posting here again hoping for clarity. The story is, I was dating this guy for over 5 years, and about a month after we got engaged he broke up with me. He had dumped me practically every year we have been together, and at first it seemed understandable - we were fighting, etc. But as the years went on, we were doing incredibly well and he would just break up with me with practically no motivation, it seemed. The last time, we seemed to be doing amazingly well. He was excited about getting married, and the relationship just seemed practically effortless. And then, one week he said he wasn't happy and he thought I should be more attentive - which because of trust issues, I hadn't been - and I apologized and began to be more attentive right away. He said the next week that the problem was resolved, that he was committed to me and to working on our relationship. Then he suddenly broke up with me, taking both myself and everyone else by surprise. I tried to get him to rethink, but he wouldn't. I didn't talk to him for a month, and then we started seeing each other once a week and sleeping together, going out to dinner, etc. I found out that he was talking and flirting with other girls, so I told him either me or the girls. He chose me, then the next day changed his mind. So I did not speak to him for over a month this time. Well he emailed me asking about the ring. The engagement ring was either lost or stolen, and we decided he'd come over and we'd take the room apart to look for it. He came over, we ended up sleeping together. We spent the day together just running errands and etc, then came back to my place, couldn't find the ring, and then he left. I know I need to be stronger. It's like...he's my kryptonite. I am furious with him, I am hurt and upset. I no longer respect him as much. But when he is there...I just feel so drawn to him. And it is much more than a physical thing. It's like...every thing he does is so perfect. And when we are together, we are always so perfect together. We are the couple that everyone looks at jealously. We are always laughing, happy, touching, we always seem so in love. When he is not there, it's like a part of me dies. I freeze up and I don't even realize it. And when he is there...I melt, and suddenly come alive again. I'm weak and my whole being, my heart, my soul, my body, everything inside of me is screaming that we are supposed to be together. I keep telling myself that a person who was meant for me would never hurt me so much. But on this primal level, I know that everything in me responds to him, mentally and emotionally as well as physically. I have been in two other long term relationships and also have been engaged before - I'm 27 - but I have never felt this way about another person before. It's been hard to get over a breakup, but I have never felt as though the breakup were so completely wrong. And I cannot understand how this person, after so many years, after proposing, can tell me he no longer loves me. I don't give a damn about marriage. I just know deep inside that we belong together. But obviously we arent together, and I don't know that we ever can be. I just don't know how to stop this feeling. It's been about 7 months, and despite all of my anger and pain, I would still do anything for this person. Every time I see him, I resolve that I will never see him or talk to him again. But as soon as he calls...I just can't stop myself. Suddenly I feel as though I am willing to give up my own pride, anything, for the chance to see him again. To stop feeling so dead inside. I don't know, has anyone ever gone through this before? I mean...this is something more than just being brokenhearted. Like I said before, I've been devastated over a breakup before, but it was never anything like this. I just need maybe some advice to help me get through this, to know there's light at the end of this tunnel. I'm so afraid I will never meet anyone who makes me feel this way.
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