Legend777 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Basically, i've been talking to a girl for quite a while now (about a year and a half)... we've been talking mainly on the phone because we live quite far apart - so seeing her is difficult... I like her, she likes me etc etc etc. But we've decided that due to the distance thing we're just going to see what happens as far as becoming more than really good friends... My problem is that i'm really not great at conversations. She knows this. Last night i spoke to her for about an hour and a half on the phone. We talked as usual (she talks a lot ) but then she mentioned that i don't actually make conversation much. She claimed that i know her better than she knows me (thats probably true). We've talked about this before - how i'm not good at making conversation etc and i've said that its not like i'm keeping things from her - the things that i think of just don't seem worthwhile saying. I said that if she wants to know anything she just has to ask. But she never does... she wants me to just say things. I really don't understand this at all... why cant she just ask me things she wants to know? Its not like im completely useless at talking - i'd like to think im a good listener and i can keep a conversation going once its started, its getting it started i have problems with... so, basically, i need some advice on what to talk about - or at least how i can get around this... thankfully she was saying it in a jokey way - but i notice it aswell sometimes and i would like to be able to do more of the talking sometimes. Sorry for the long post guys but thanks in advance for the replys
citizen67 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Personally, I do not love talking on the phone except to certain people whom I know really well, and can read thier intonation even though I am not seeing them - so that may be hte case with you also. If you want to keep up this phone relationship, take some time during the day, when you are not speaking to her, to make note of interesting things - maybe something in the news you heard (any opinion on this Israel Hamas situation?), maybe a thought that occurred to you (are you ever driving and look around at other people in cars and think how crazy that we are all alone in these moving machines?), or a great song that you heard for the first time (have you heard the latest Kings of Leon - I hope to get tix to the show). Make a mental note of things worthy of discussing - you can even make a list with key words to jog your memory when you are speaking to her. If making phone conversation isnt natural to you and you want to continue with this girl, you need to make an effort
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I said that if she wants to know anything she just has to ask. But she never does... she wants me to just say things. I really don't understand this at all... why cant she just ask me things she wants to know? THAT is a good conversation to introduce with her -- ask her what, in her mind, is the difference between her finding out things by asking you, versus by you being a mind reader, figuring out what she wants to know, and then telling her? Tell her you don't understand her position. Ask if she recognizes the pressure such an insane expectation puts on you. Find out if she has any interest in, and suggestions for, HELPING you become a better conversationalist through her understanding and empathy, and by guiding you instead of making you feel crappy about your current skill level. And, of course, citizen gave some really excellent suggestions that you can do on your own. Sports, science, arts, entertainment, literature, world events, trivia, history, travel, etc. Being a good conversationalist does require one to have a bit of basic knowledge in a few areas.
Author Legend777 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 thanks for the advice guys. I kind of talked to her about it, i knew she wasnt being completely serious when she said it anyway... she was saying it in a jokey way to sort of wind me up... but there was some truth to it. She understands that ive been trying and apparently im lots better than i was when we first started talking anyway Thankfully, i think im a pretty good listener anyway and i try to always be there to help her... Im just going to keep trying, lets hope i get better at this talking thing
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