nama Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Hi guys, Not sure if this is in the right forum but here goes... I'm a cold person and I want to change this. I'm cold for 2 main reasons; one I was abused (briefly) as a child and secondly my parents (I love them to bits) were never affectionate or even encouraged me as a child. They are quite conservative and strict and were brought up like this so who can blame them for turning out that way. However, I under no circumstances want to end up like them. I'm not a touchy-feely person and when i do hug people i've noticed they are 'half-hugs'. I don't really do affectionate touching, it's not me. I've been in two serious relationships (I'm a 27 year old female) and both said I was cold and hard to get to know. I find it very hard to express my feelings though I cry very easily and when I do I hide it. To me crying is a sign of weakness. Having said all that I'm a very compassionate person. I love people. I find it hard to have relationships with men as I act too 'formal'. I'm an attracive woman but apparently I give off weird signals/ vibes. A few different things going on but I'm hoping you can help. Thanks!
carhill Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I've met many women like yourself. I call them the "conflicting vibes" encounters. Their words and overt behaviors say one thing and the subliminal signals their body language and aura send out say something completely different. I was a lot like that in my younger years and it did affect my ability to form healthy friendships and relationships. For me, I grew out of it. The more I exposed myself to the world, and especially to cultures which are overtly affectionate, the more comfortable I became with the expressions. Is it hard for you tell someone verbally that you love them? Right Just keep trying, especially with people whom you feel safe with. It'll work out...
Author nama Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Thanks Carhill. Its not just about telling someone you love them, its the affection that comes with it. Touching, being flirty, warm etc. I just can't seem to do this, I seem to tell myself that it's not my nature but thats a load of b. everyone knows that. Apparently I walk around with a permanent scowl on my face or I always looke pissed off and I know for a fact I dont and am not - well not consciously anyway. I'm intimidating as well. Carhill, what do you mean by exposing myself to the world? Just meet as many different people and do different things?? I do tend to keep to myself most of the time. Thanks.
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