emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 What happens if I see her with her new guy? I'm not ready to deal with that right now. I've done what I can so far to avoid it. I haven't left my house. But eventually I'm going to have to leave and what if I see her with him? I'm scared of what I might do. What I might say. Like even worse what if they last. What if this isn't just a fling with this other kid. What if I find out through the grape vine she's moved in with him and I havent done anything while she starts a new life with him.
saturnfell Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Ok, relax. You do have to leave your house one day, but you do not need to revisit places you think they may be. Don't concern yourself with the "what if's" of life. What are the chances you will run into them? Avoid, avoid, avoid.
MWH Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 You can't hide in your house forever can you? I go AROUND the side of town my ex lives on just to avoid any potential problems. You are going to have to make a plan of action before you run into her. Your actions are NOT out of your control- you need to step up, tell yourself that you are a gentleman and that you will act like one. Period. There is nothing to be gained by acting out. Are you gonna feel upset? You bet! Now how are you gonna ACT? Gonna let her see you all shook up and hand her your dignity? Hell NO! Be polite, be a gentleman, and be on your way somewhere else. Talk to yourself NOW before it happens so you will have a plan. Then stick to it!
Riffmeister General Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Ok, good consideration to be having now rather than when it happens. You can prepare. Think of yourself locked in a garage with BA, Face, Murdock and Hannibal Smith. Get that blow torch on the go (how did they ALWAYS find one of those?!) and get building yourself an armoured tank out of a 57 Chevvy, 3 bed springs and a copy of Readers Digest. Just make a pact with yourself. When you see them, laugh. Out loud. When you see him, imagine he has a really silly squeeky voice and he's talking a load of utter bull, something really stupid. Intensify that imagination in your mind, make it make you laugh. (this is a real theraputic technique usually used in the treatment of phobias of things like spiders, wonder if it works here?) Or think of a really motivational line or lyric from a song. I've got Mudvayne's 'Fu*king Determined' in my head cos it's empowering to me. I don't agree with this avoidance tactic. For one it's just putting off the inevitable, and two, deliberately avoiding something is actually making you THINK and FOCUS on that very thing. It's like when someone says "Don't think of a pink elephant". What do you think of immediately?! That's because the words "think of a pink elephant" are contained within the sentence, and the brain can't process negatives (don't ask me to explain that one) so it ignores it. Do exactly as you would normally do. You'll see her sooner or later, but be glad you have time to prepare rather than it happening out of the blue and your brain freezes like you've eaten too much ice cream and you do something stupid.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 ok so I put up a front in front of her while on the inside im destroyed emotionally? I was thinking about it and what if I see her at the mall or something and she's shopping with this guy at a place where we used to spent a lot of time together. I thought I might go berzerk and beat the **** out of him just because I can't hit a girl
MWH Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 ok so I put up a front in front of her while on the inside im destroyed emotionally? I was thinking about it and what if I see her at the mall or something and she's shopping with this guy at a place where we used to spent a lot of time together. I thought I might go berzerk and beat the **** out of him just because I can't hit a girl Or perhaps he'll knock your toofers all over the floor... C'mon, man, get real. You need to step up, suck it up, grow up, and BE the MAN not the boy. Step up, have class, dignity, and be honorable in all of your actions with or without her. It is up to YOU.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I understand that avoidance only prolongs the agony but i think that seeing her with him would be a huge set back. I'm really scared about this
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I hardly doubt that I would go so far as to punch someone but the idea is running through my mind. And the fear is overwhelming me. The fact she might be with him forever. The fact that I might see her with him while I'm still tore up over it. Being a man is a lot easier said than done when it comes to my heart being shattered
Riffmeister General Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I understand that avoidance only prolongs the agony but i think that seeing her with him would be a huge set back. I'm really scared about this It WILL feel like a huge setback! Accept this NOW!!! What you need to understand tho, is rather than it BEING a setback, it's actually part of the healing. You see rubgy players (if you're from the UK) or American Football players smashing the sides of their heads before they go on the field? It looks just like the kind of pain they'll experience anyway when they get out on the field, but what they're doing is getting themselves used to the trauma. That's what this is. You need to feel the pain of it happening for the first time before you get used to it, there's no avoiding that. Now is not the time for fear, it's the time for positivity. BELIEVE you can handle it when it happens!
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I mean one way that I've been able to do good is thinking she's dead. That way I can avoid her being happy with someone else her being with someone else etc. But if I see her that just brings it back to reality for me
MWH Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I hardly doubt that I would go so far as to punch someone but the idea is running through my mind. And the fear is overwhelming me. The fact she might be with him forever. The fact that I might see her with him while I'm still tore up over it. Being a man is a lot easier said than done when it comes to my heart being shattered Listen up man- Everyone in this forum shares or at one time shared that exact same fear. You've been given some great insight from the folks here. It is up to you to take it or leave it. Courage is NOT a lack of fear- It is acting right IN SPITE of it.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I intend on taking the advice otherwise I wouldn't have made the thread. But the fear is still there. That's all I'm saying and I'm trying to formulate a plan so that when this does happen I'm prepared for it. I'm going out tonite and I'm worried about maybe seeing her.
Riffmeister General Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Courage is NOT a lack of fear- It is acting right IN SPITE of it. That really ought to be a "'Nuff said" moment. And it would have been if I hadn't come in here with my size 10s and posted again...
saturnfell Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Can I ask a potentially silly question: do you live in a really small town? What are the chances you will run into her? I know one of the other posters on here said they drive around town to avoid. Wonderful suggestion! This is why I asked my original question. As much as you're planning how you'll act if you see her, I wonder, are you planning on making it so you actually do see her???
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 It's a real small town. And the only way anybody in the town can go and do anything is if we drive past her house. Not to mention she works in an area where all my friends and I go so I have to avoid seeing her by staying at home. Luckily I'm only on Christmas break from school and I'll be heading back soon but still. Plus there's nothing to do but go to the mall, like we're in highschool still, but she's there a lot so if I ever go it's when I know she's would be sleeping or something. I dont want to see her trust me that ship has passed. I was having a good day yesterday and today it's gotten a little worst because I started worrying about whether or not I would see her
saturnfell Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 You found your cure: going back to school! Let's speed up the clock! Honestly, I would just stick around the house until you go back, expecially if it's that small of a town.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I dont want to avoid my friends from home though. It becomes unbarrable to stay inside all the time but at the same time I fear of the outside world because I might see her. It's so hard to figure out what to do. I liked the laughing at them if I see them Idea but I have a fear of seeing her
You'reasian Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 What happens if I see her with her new guy? I'm not ready to deal with that right now. I've done what I can so far to avoid it. I haven't left my house. But eventually I'm going to have to leave and what if I see her with him? I'm scared of what I might do. What I might say. Like even worse what if they last. What if this isn't just a fling with this other kid. What if I find out through the grape vine she's moved in with him and I havent done anything while she starts a new life with him. Don't worry about what she's doing; worry about what you are going to do. Act with courage and purpose so you can overcome this fear. Don't take in the gossip, let it slide and do what you need to.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I'd like to think that I wont worry about it but I'm a worrier I guess
mm4184 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 i know exactly how you feel. i live in san francisco though and you'd think it was easier to avoid him, but nope. we have the same interests in music and some mutual friends, not to mention 2 of my best friends that work with his tv show. it sucks, but everytime i see him i put a smile on my face and front like everything's fine. i'm sure he knows i'm not because he's seen me at my worst when i practically died when we broke up (how sad to think of that day and how stupid i must have looked) but all you can do is keep them guessing. i always wonder what the hell he's doing and with who and it kills me.. but i hope that the NO CONTACT and whenever we run into each other makes him wonder the same.. although i feel like he's probably over it. ugh whatever i keep obsessing over stuff i can't control. if you run into your ex with another person (which i have yet to experience and i'm DREADING that day) just be civil and go your separate ways. i would at least say hi instead of dodging them though.
You'reasian Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I'd like to think that I wont worry about it but I'm a worrier I guess How did I get over being a worrier and trying to be a warrior? lol Strength of mind. Its a mental decision. You have the ability to control your mind, although it can get hard at times. Your head is the steering wheel so to speak and you ultimately decide if you're going to drive straight ahead or veer of the road and crash. Decide what you need to focus on and take action to reinforce those thoughts. Body follows the mind.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Ok so all of your guy's advice was great the first round and it got me through. But I'm right back to where I was again. I feel like it's coming. Like the closer it is to me going to school, the sooner God's going to make me go and see her with him. I'm not going to be a hermit and stay in my house away from my highschool friends and let her win that way. As I start making plans with my friends though, I just see myself running into her/them. Why does this day have to be inevitable. I'm not ready for that. WHat if it comes and I break down right there in front of them. Or even worse what if im alone when I see them and I look like a total loser. I know I shouldnt think of the whatiffs but they're there. If i think about the whatiffs and the possibilities of what might happen I feel i could be more prepared.
You'reasian Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Ok so all of your guy's advice was great the first round and it got me through. But I'm right back to where I was again. I feel like it's coming. Like the closer it is to me going to school, the sooner God's going to make me go and see her with him. I'm not going to be a hermit and stay in my house away from my highschool friends and let her win that way. As I start making plans with my friends though, I just see myself running into her/them. Why does this day have to be inevitable. I'm not ready for that. WHat if it comes and I break down right there in front of them. Or even worse what if im alone when I see them and I look like a total loser. I know I shouldnt think of the whatiffs but they're there. If i think about the whatiffs and the possibilities of what might happen I feel i could be more prepared. Stop yourself with the whatiffs. Think through all the possible scenarios and understand how you would see them from your perspective and hers then put it to rest, but ultimately you should want her to be happy whatever she chooses! There comes a point in time where you have to set her free. Let her know how you feel and give her space - you see her with the other guy, you need to know that this is making her happy and so you should care that she is happy too:)
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 I dont want that bitch to be happy. I gave her my everything and she tore it down and dumped on it. I tryed to be the best for her and she just gave me up for a better model. Why would I want her to be happy after how miserable she's made me
You'reasian Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I dont want that bitch to be happy. I gave her my everything and she tore it down and dumped on it. I tryed to be the best for her and she just gave me up for a better model. Why would I want her to be happy after how miserable she's made me She hurt you. Now think, think about what went wrong. Notice any correlations? Cause-effect? Its going to be dark, thinking about it, but make the proper connections between everything and understand what YOU need to do next time around in this same siuation! Let it go.
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