Goatsbreath Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 oh my god, how quick things change. So she was supposed to call sometime today to pick up the rest of her belongings from the apartment. I was debating if I should be here when she comes. I broke 11 days NC yesterday to learn this. Somehow finding the strength I decide to leave, go get a hair cut, etc. On my way back I see her car parked at a local place we eat at. My heart races wondering who she there with and I park in tim hortons, get a coffee and wait. Then I see her come out with some guy. Then I start my car and follow them, yup I lost it. At this time because of traffic I am unable to follow them and so I just drive around a bit, I lost them. Then suddenly out of the blue, Im in diffirent area now going home, I see her at the bank ATM. Yup, I pull in and confront her right there in the car. I say are you coming to get your stuff. She says yes, this afternoon and then I look over to the passenger. I say, so I guess this is your new boyfriend. She says yup rather blunt. I told her I would need my key back and she said she would leave it on the table. There wasn't much more talk after that and I just walked off. Im shaking, I feel a little crazy and I was doing ok before, now what the hell.
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 ouch. I don't know what to tell you buddy. I guess it was bound to happen. I dont know what I'd do if I saw my ex with the guy she cheated on me with, I'd probably do the same thing you did. I worry about whether or not to go outside for fear of maybe seeing them together. If I go out I have to be with people for fear of looking like a loser. But just remember you can't control her or what she does. All you have power over is yourself. I'm sorry you had to see that and she treated the situation so harshly. Try to stay strong
Riffmeister General Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Ok, you were acting crazy. You acknowledge that. Also acknowledge that this episode has set you back maybe a month. It won't take another month to get back to where you were, but any progress you've made in the past month has gone. You need to go NC, re-group and lick your wounds. The sooner she picks her stuff up and gets out of your life completely, the better. Accept the situation you've put yourself in now, but learn the lesson that this kind of thing hurts you badly and you won't do it again. Really concentrate hard on how this has made you feel, internalise it, understand it, then you'll learn. Sorry to hear it dude, no-one likes to take backward steps. Can't be easy when she's still got stuff at your place.
MWH Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Look on the bright side: you got that crap overwith. Now you never, EVER , have to see your ex with some dude for the first time ever again. I'm not making light of your pain- I know how badly that hurts. I live in a small rural area and I dread seeing my ex so I go AROUND her side of town when I go to town just to avoid any possibility of that happening. Next time DON'T follow her. Have a laugh at your own expense, smack yourself upside the head, shake it off, and carry on in a forward direction. What else are ya gonna do?
MWH Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 but any progress you've made in the past month has gone. NOT! Minor set-back. Dust off your knickers, lift your chin up, and laugh at yourself. Been there-done that a long time ago. You need to go NC, re-group and lick your wounds. The sooner she picks her stuff up and gets out of your life completely, the better. Accept the situation you've put yourself in now, but learn the lesson that this kind of thing hurts you badly and you won't do it again. Really concentrate hard on how this has made you feel, internalise it, understand it, then you'll learn. I agree- shake hands and make friends with the fact that you acted-out. Don't dwell on it. Ain't much you can do now, right? Carry on in a forward direction.
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I have played crazy in a previous break up and I told myself this time I would not go there. Even when I found directions to this guys place I copied them but then a day later I tossed them in the garbage because I did not want to be stalker crazy boyfriend driving by his place. Now today it seems it was tossed in my face, like, im just gonna go get a haircut and then boom, I see her car. I guess one good thing this did, finally I feel I tossed some fragment of hope I was hanging on to out the window. thanks goodness for that I suppose
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 isn't it good that you're seeing the positive side to it? maybe letting go of the hope is what you need to do to get over this. it kinda makes you powerless in the situation, but accepting that you are powerless to change this might help you to let go
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Well its the next day, Im one day further from the day I saw my X with her new man. It hurts and Its really crappy outside and im sitting in my apartment amongst a mess. Most of the furniture was hers so I don't have a couch anymore or chair. Just kitchen chairs. She came to the apartment later that day. I was there with a friend of mine. She was helping me get some of my belongings together and I have decided to move out of here and go live with her. I feel I need to get out of this place because of memories. Also, I managed to get myself into a little financial trouble during the past months and im hoping I can recover with cheaper living costs. I was really silent when she arrived and did not say much of anything to her. Honestly it would not of surprised me if she had brought him to help her move but she didn't which I was glad. Shes been so cold lately I just wouldn't have put it past her. The only thing she said to me was "so your moving out today too." I said "yes" and thats all. We pretty much ignored each other and after about 10 minutes my friend asked if I wanted to leave and go to Kmart for some supplies and come back later. We left, went shopping and then went to a bowling alley and had a few beers. then we went and ate then we ended up going out until around 2 in the morning. It was a long day of drinking and sad reflections. I should leave here but my friend don't have internet so I had to come back to chat on here. Sometimes it makes me feel better but right now everything seems pitiful. Here shes moving into a nice new apartment that I don't even know where it is. Starting her life on her own, living independently and now im forced to go put all my stuff in storage and live with a friend. Part of this debt was hers because she lost her job and had to go to counseling. I paid everything for a while and charge some on credit cards. Once she got on her feet she leaves. Seems like yesterday we were looking at houses together. Sigh.....
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I'm probably not as old as you but I can still relate. I remember when I was home from college this summer me and My ex were looking at apartments together and looking into possibly renting a house. Now she's gone with another guy probably, probably the guy she cheated on me with and I have no idea what she's doing with her life. NC for over a week and I think it's getting better. Your post made me fear seeing my ex with her new guy but I think I realized something: I'm better then she is, just like you're better than your ex. You and I and most of the people here are having the very backbone of who we are tested and hopefully we'll all get through this. Don't worry about the having to live with a friend, thats why we have them. You'll get on your feet again. And maybe she'll be happy without you and happy with someone else but so will you. It'll take you and I longer but we'll do it. Stay strong man. And keep your head up
Author Goatsbreath Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 man, I just had a good cry on the way over to the apartment today. sobbed, haha but I had not cried in around 11 days. Before this breakup I had not cried for years. I didn't even think I could cry until this all started happening. Good news is I get internet at my friends house tomorrow so I should only have to come back here to pack up the rest of my stuff by the end of the month.
openbook08 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Look on the bright side: you got that crap overwith. Now you never, EVER , have to see your ex with some dude for the first time ever again. I'm not making light of your pain- I know how badly that hurts. I live in a small rural area and I dread seeing my ex so I go AROUND her side of town when I go to town just to avoid any possibility of that happening. couldnt agree more! ( i do the same MWH! you gotta protect yourself!) the worst has happened and youre still alive, still breathing? ok then! congratulate yourself. (dont berate yourself over your actions immediately after, it happened, its done, the past, leave it there) new beginnings are coming your way, make the most of them, each day is a step forward, even if it doesnt always feel like it, its all progress X
againstallodds Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I sort of did what you did with my first ex. I try to find out stuff about her but I never saw any of my exes with the new guy. I am glad I didn't but it still hurt like hell. It's better not to know until you are healed. I guess there are things that are out of our control.
kizik Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Look on the bright side: you got that crap overwith. Now you never, EVER , have to see your ex with some dude for the first time ever again. Yep, yep, yep - I completely agree with this. OP, I know how you feel. If you want, go ahead and read my thread. Same f*cking thing happened to me. Only difference is I didn't talk to her, so I can't be 100% it was her. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t169627/ -kizik
OCCDAVE Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Same thing happened to me dude i suspected my gf of cheated but had no proof. She told me she needed her so called space to think things through.I went to the mall with my friend and ended up seeing her at the food court all over some guy making out.I frooze for like a minute then smiled turned around and walked away. i said you know what screw this she has shown just how trashy she really is.Sure her friends may have a picture im some evil jerk but whatever.
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