Knight_Ctrl Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Here is my problem. I've vowed to not get real serious with another girl until I was sure I was over my ex. I'm not rushing anything with this new friend of mine, but its pretty obvious we like each other. Here is my problem, I haven't been crying every day, and I haven't been thinking about her every single second. It still hurts when I do....but I get over it kinda quickly now......yet part of me still misses her too....I'm having a hard time figuring out where I am on this. The kicker is I still don't like to see exes from a long time ago, could be even years and if I see an ex of mine its uneasy for me. I know I'm over those girls I hardly ever think about them, but when I see them it still sucks....so does that mean I'm truly over them at all? I'm so lost guys.:confused:
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I feel you on that. It's possible you never dealt with their losses correctly, and that's why it still pains you to see them. That's the most likely scenario. Or you just have a big heart. I can't look at pics of ex's either my friend and I fear it is because I never dealt with their loss correctly. I'm going to see a psychologist this month. I suggest you do the same.
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I feel you on that. It's possible you never dealt with their losses correctly, and that's why it still pains you to see them. That's the most likely scenario. Or you just have a big heart. I can't look at pics of ex's either my friend and I fear it is because I never dealt with their loss correctly. I'm going to see a psychologist this month. I suggest you do the same. I don't think seeing a psychologist would be a bad idea actually...I'll think about it... For everyone else, in my original post when I mentioned crying every day over her I was talking about my ex, not this new girl. Just wanted to clear that up.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 this is going to sound like a ridiculous question...............but how do you know if you're dealing with the loss correctly or not? is there truly a right way to deal with things, when everyone deals with it differently anyway?
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 this is going to sound like a ridiculous question...............but how do you know if you're dealing with the loss correctly or not? is there truly a right way to deal with things, when everyone deals with it differently anyway? I've got a pattern I've noticed after being dumped 3 times here. Maybe mine is the same as others who knows, but it goes like this. 1. Desperation/depression, I want her back and I'd do anything to get her back. 2.NC starts about here, I quit trying, I spend most of my time very depressed. Detached from most things. 3.I'm still depressed but I start to get pissed about what has happened to me because I feel like I don't deserve it. 4.Eventually sometime down the road I stop being depressed, things stop hurting, my feelings go to 100% neutral and I don't care either way...my problem is, am I truly neutral if I still can't stand to see my old ex's? I use to think it was.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 4.Eventually sometime down the road I stop being depressed, things stop hurting, my feelings go to 100% neutral and I don't care either way...my problem is, am I truly neutral if I still can't stand to see my old ex's? I use to think it was. that's it, i'm not neutral yet, not by a long shot. and i haven't seen him in a month. but i know if i do, it will all come flooding back. this was my first relationship and breakup. so i don't have a pattern i recognise yet! but does that mean that you can never be entirely neutral to them? has anyone here eventually become neutral, even when they see their ex? Even when you yourself are happy with someone else?
Riffmeister General Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 My guess would be, if you started going out with this new girl and the ex came back begging for you, would you take her back? Will you be looking at this new girl, trying to change her everso subtly and slowly into your ex? Do you look at this new girl as a blank clay model to mould into the girl you lost? If there's a single YES in any of those, you're not ready.
smiiiley Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I feel you on that. It's possible you never dealt with their losses correctly, and that's why it still pains you to see them. That's the most likely scenario. Or you just have a big heart. I can't look at pics of ex's either my friend and I fear it is because I never dealt with their loss correctly. I'm going to see a psychologist this month. I suggest you do the same. i dont meant o sound ignorant, but what do psychologists exactly do? do they really help u improve your life or do they just listen to you talk? i was thinking about going to see one...i dont know how though and i feel like they are too expensive
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 My guess would be, if you started going out with this new girl and the ex came back begging for you, would you take her back? Will you be looking at this new girl, trying to change her everso subtly and slowly into your ex? Do you look at this new girl as a blank clay model to mould into the girl you lost? If there's a single YES in any of those, you're not ready. honestly......I think at this point I've convinced myself it would be a dumbass idea to get back with my ex, even if I'm not with this other girl. And I want someone completely different....like.....someone I haven't had before. I think thats why I like this girl so much.
Riffmeister General Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 honestly......I think at this point I've convinced myself it would be a dumbass idea to get back with my ex, even if I'm not with this other girl. And I want someone completely different....like.....someone I haven't had before. I think thats why I like this girl so much. Tricky one. Does she know the situation and how you feel about it? Maybe tell her you like her, but to be fair to her, you'll take it really easy and casual because you don't want to be using her as a rebound. If she understands she's either the nicest girl on earth or perhaps a little naive...
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Tricky one. Does she know the situation and how you feel about it? Maybe tell her you like her, but to be fair to her, you'll take it really easy and casual because you don't want to be using her as a rebound. If she understands she's either the nicest girl on earth or perhaps a little naive... Yeah part of the reason we got so close initially was because she was just being a good friend to me when I had this breakup happen, she listened to my problems and all that. She knows that I like her but we agreed for now we'd just be friends if things grow then alright. I told her I was over my ex, honestly I think I'm over her enough to move on to this better girl........I just feel confused if I SHOULD be ready........damn I'm confused.
Riffmeister General Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Yeah part of the reason we got so close initially was because she was just being a good friend to me when I had this breakup happen, she listened to my problems and all that. She knows that I like her but we agreed for now we'd just be friends if things grow then alright. I told her I was over my ex, honestly I think I'm over her enough to move on to this better girl........I just feel confused if I SHOULD be ready........damn I'm confused. Ok, there's the cue I was waiting for. You just said "I think I'm over her ENOUGH to move on to this better girl." Enough isn't enough, if that makes sense. You've got to be completely over her to avoid any issues arising in the future. You'll only make her paranoid otherwise. Don't lie to yourself to force the issue. If she's into you as you seem to think she is, she'll wait till you're ready. I think it won't be a matter of you think you're ready, you'll know it.
EmperorR Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 I don't know, I'm I fully over my ex I don't know, but I'm talking to this new girl and were getting closer, and screw my ex, there is no way i'm screwing up something I feel that may be special with this new girl.
starzphalling Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 to me, your over your ex when you don't have to ask yourself if you are over them.
mm4184 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 what people have told me is that you know you're over your ex if you can see them with someone else and not have any kind of hurt emotions.. and just be happy for them.. or neutral at least. i'm NOWHERE near that. but my ex from high school, i can honestly say i don't give a crap about even when i do see him. and i'm happy he has a cute girlfriend and a baby. but that was in high school and i'm the one who broke up with him.. this time.. it's hell. i got broken up with and it was my first REAL relationship where we actually went on vacations together and were always together.. so i don't really know.. hopefully it won't take years but i keep seeing horror stories of people saying it took them years to get over their ex. geezus.
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