Savinelli Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Typically, a wedding is what a woman has been dreaming about since she was a little girl. And men usually are indifferent to it. But in my situation, my girlfriend (and soon to be fiancee) doesn't want a wedding. When I asked her why, she stated a few reasons that I believe could be overcome. Foremost she is worried about how catty people can be. For example, we went to a friend's wedding and she overheard two older ladies talking about how it was a "buffet" opposed to a plated dinner. She hates the fact that people may talk **** about her wedding. Second, her parents are divorced and she was raised by her step dad. But she is in contact with her father. So who walks her down the aisle? I guess she rather not deal with the drama. Also, She has a small group of friends and I have a huge group of friends. If I were to have it my way, my wedding would have at least 125 people on my end. Anyways, looking for some thoughts. I have done a lot of dating and to me its a big deal to settle down with one woman the rest of my life. So I want this to be a big celebration, but she doesnt!
eclipseIDE Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Why dont you a big party then? Is that why you want to get married to have a party?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 While those reasons seem to be valid, they are all very easy to solve. 1. Worried about caddy people: You will have that anywhere! Even if you throw a party people will find something to complain about. No event is perfect. She will need to get over that. 2. Who walks her down the isle: Her birth father should. If they speak and are on good terms, then it is customary that the birth father should walk the bride down the isle. 3. Huge group of friends vs. small: So? She has less friends then you do. Invite everyone!!! And plus you can invite plenty of family as well if you want to have more guests. Point: These sound like B.S. excuses. If those are REALLY truely the reasons she doesn't want a wedding (which IMO it sounds like more than that) then it would be pretty easy to work them out. So my suggestion is to ask her if she is willing to work those reasons out in order to have a wedding. If she still says no, that he def. doesn't want a wedding then you have to decide which is more important, having a huge wedding or having a happy bride and groom.
quankanne Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I didn't want a wedding. Instead DH and I eloped, and I have no regrets. I do wish I'd have gotten on the ball earlier about having our marriage blessed, but that's a whole other story. anyhow, I'm glad I wasn't pressured into standing up in front of a whole bunch of people when that kind of thing makes me uncomfortable, and I appreciate that he was cool with it. maybe in your case, the compromise could be something like they did in "Runaway Bride" – you and her and a JP/preacher and witnesses for the actual marriage ceremony, then a big-azz party afterward. if she's worried about what others will say, tell her that's the last thing she'll ever worry about – there's so much other stuff going on, and people are going to kvetch no matter what you do, so you may as well just enjoy yourself on YOUR terms, not theirs.
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 My daughter and future son-in-law are very similar to you and your fiancée. Only their dilemma has more to do with getting the most from their limited budget rather than impressing their guests with a good show and party. They’ve decided to get married abroad ... a tropical, casual wedding on the beach where they can honeymoon at the same time. It’s one of those all-inclusive deals where the wedding preparations are done for you at the hotel to include everything, as well as airfare and rooms for up to ten couples. Closest relatives, friends & bridal party. As well as anyone else who would like to attend providing they’re willing to flip the bill to travel. Not only does it cost a lot less in money and prep time than planning a traditional local wedding ... but it goes far in eliminating hurt feelings among potential guests in that only those who really want to be there for your special day will find the means to do so. Your special day then becomes about you and your bride rather than hashing out the guest list in order to throw a free party. Some of the resorts offering all-inclusive weddings are also VERY beautiful and romantic. :love: Just a suggestion. It’s easy enough to do a search on “all-inclusive wedding resorts” if you’re interested in checking it out. I’d post a link, but since they’re considered commercial, it’s not permitted on the forum.
2sure Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I didnt want a wedding, but my husband really really did! He explained it to me this way: The marriage was, of course, between him and myself...but the wedding was for our families. The wedding itself, both of our families witnessing the marriage and sharing the celebration was important because it joined our 2 families together. Thats important, thats a big part of what your future, and your children's future is about. And it was true. Oh, and I walked myself down the aisle thank you very much.
stillafool Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I don't blame your fiance for not wanting a wedding. I had a big one and it was so tiring. Mine you my wedding was in 1985 and we thought it was expensive. With today's wedding costs there's only one word that sums it up and that's - CRAZY. Too expensive, no matter which way you try to do it. That money would be better spent on a home or a great honeymoon in my opinion. Why give your friends a party? You'll be too busy smiling and smoozing to really enjoy it.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I don't blame your fiance for not wanting a wedding. I had a big one and it was so tiring. Mine you my wedding was in 1985 and we thought it was expensive. With today's wedding costs there's only one word that sums it up and that's - CRAZY. Too expensive, no matter which way you try to do it. That money would be better spent on a home or a great honeymoon in my opinion. Why give your friends a party? You'll be too busy smiling and smoozing to really enjoy it. I think everyone has different ideas about weddings. My friend threw a big wedding and she loved it! I personally want a big wedding as well, it will be something to remember fondly! I will admit they are very expensive now, so a small wedding with not as many people could be a possibility.
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