DSM-IV Tom Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 This is odd. I've noticed this almost immediately since my ex and me broke up about 2 months ago. I found a lot of solace in past pain. Like, I'd think of my first love (we broke up 2 years ago). And for some reason, it helped me now. It's like finding comfort in past pain. I don't know why it is that way. Maybe because I felt this way with her, yet got over it? So that means I'll get over it with my recent ex too? Hell if I know. I hate my recent ex with all my heart though. Shady liar. I never used psychology as a weapon against her though like I should have.
Geishawhelk Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Sometimes there is more solace in seeking out the familiar. You're in pain now, you knew pain then. It's a form of self protection. If you find shelter in past emotions, your 'frame of mind' settles into a variety of comfort. The secret is to accept the familiar, but to not let it become a habit. Otherwise you train your mind to remain in the negative. When you think of painful times such as these, contrary as it might seem to be, think of three good qualities you knew your partner had - and still has. Over time, reflection on the fact that, for all their personal handicaps, they are human too, and just as prone to pain and sadness as we are (strange but true) can help the healing process advance, and make you whole again. ((hugs)).
zilverenvlinder Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I think a lot of people do that. I know I do. At least I know how my previous ex felt now when I left him without any notice.
OpenBook Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I found a lot of solace in past pain. Like, I'd think of my first love (we broke up 2 years ago). And for some reason, it helped me now. It's like finding comfort in past pain. I don't know why it is that way. Maybe because I felt this way with her, yet got over it? So that means I'll get over it with my recent ex too? Yes, I think you've got it, DSM. I have done the same thing, comparing the current breakup with a past one... and realizing it really isn't the end of the world. When you first go through it, you really don't know, and it overwhelms you. But subsequent breakups, you "know the ropes" per se, you realize that life does go on, and eventually gets even better than it was before. It makes it a lot easier to get back up on your feet and keep moving.
Author DSM-IV Tom Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I'm glad for your guys replies. It's funny, that my favorite people have all replied so far. Especially you Geisha/Open. Hope all is well. But Zilver you're on the good list too
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I think its a perspective thing. By feeling this way I think you are sort of moving forward with your healing. Even though it still hurts like hell (and thats understandable) at least now instead of dwelling on it your looking for something to compare it to so you can have a hope that you might feel better. Even if you're doing this subconsciously. I too have done this and it does help me. It let me know "hey you know you've felt similar to this before and you lived through it, you can do it again". I'm sure if this ever happens in the past I'll probably end up comparing that breakup to my recent one. When we've got so little to go with, it juts makes it easier to use what we have. And there isn't anything wrong with that.
MWH Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I did exactly as you in past breakups; Revisiting past breakups/pain, etc. Looking back I think it was due to not truly being over them and also, perhaps, having to do with some residual guilt on my part. My recent breakup has brought about none of this behavior on my part. i think that is due to the unusual circumstances I experienced dealing with a disordrered person. But yeah- I tend to think what you are experiencing is indeed quite normal. I woudn't worry too much about it.
alwayssme Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 i think of past pains..not necessarily love pains because i never have been so heartbroken before..but i do think of the times i was hurting and pulled through it...however the pain was never this big and the way i "pulled through it" was because somehow i got what i wanted so unfortunately for me, this is the first time in my life i have to "move on"... kinda feels empowering to know this is my first heartbreaking experience of learning to let go...i know once i come out of it, i will be a much stronger and mor emature person...im on my way!
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