Sideburns Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I have been in love with a woman for some time now, it is the first time I have ever been in what I feel to be real love. Our relationship "ended" on bitter terms recently when it was revealed that she was lying, cheating and stealing. I still love this woman, I believe I always will. Much as a parent might love a delinquent child or friend love another who is untrustworthy. I place high value on words such as Love and Hate. I place value in vows and oaths. She has broken all these things and trivialized something I find as close to sacred as one might get. However... I do not feel any person is beyond redemption. I feel that she is very confused and needs a lot of help. I have vowed to love and help her but naturally you can see I am conflicted. I don't know what to do. I want to walk the line for this woman but at the same time I need her to stand on her own two feet lest I fall victim to her sickness. When you love someone, where does it end? This whole ordeal has thrown me into the dark night of the soul and I am mesmerized and terrified all at the same time. All my metaphysical understanding of the life love and the universe has been thrown into question and I have no clue as to the way out. I do not want to be a hypocrite. I do not want to say I love someone and then bail out when things get tough. Very Very Scared and Confused.
Geishawhelk Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Here's the thing. You have stuck to your principles, and bailed out of a relationship which crossed your boundaries. You are not responsible for her. You can't fix her. you can only lend love and support, as and when she (1) sees she has a problem and (2) Decides for herself she wants to stop this destructive behaviour. You can do nothing for her, unless she does it first. Lighten up. The world has not stopped revolving at this one drama, and will carry on turning. The universe is big enough to suck this up without any detriment to the way it works. You need to off-load this burden, because it's not even yours to begin with.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 There are people beyond redemption. That foolish hope will only blind you from helping those who truly can be helped. You think no ones beyond redemption? Then by all means, show me someone who has a cluster B mental disorders of the DSM-IV who has been cured. There ARE people outside of redemption. Judging by how you described your ex, it appears she has one of the 4 disorder of Cluster B. It's that simple. You have no power.
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