BitsyTwoBits Posted September 18, 2003 Posted September 18, 2003 I am engaged to a great guy. We met about 9 months ago and he just recently asked me to marry him. I know 9 months isn't a long time, but we have really connected and I have grown to love him. I can definitely see myself with him for the rest of my life. He is so caring and genuine. I have a daughter that is 3 years old. I dated her father for 6 months and when I found out I was pregnant, he split. I haven't heard from him since the day he left me. I have grown to accept that and I am fine raising my daughter without him. He treated me bad and was a jerk anyway. When I told my current fiance about the jerk that left me when I was pregnant, he was very sympathetic. He and my daughter are so close now. She even calls him daddy. When he asked me to marry him, he started talking about how it's a shame for that little girl to grow up without a father and how much he has grown to love her and all he was talking about was my daughter. He didn't say how much he'd grown to love me! Sometimes I think that the only reason he is marrying me is so that he can be a father to my child. I mean, I love him and I want a father for my daughter too, but is that a good enough reason to get married? I am thinking of my daughter's well-being, but what about my happiness? I love him a lot, but I want him to be in love with me too. I don't want him just to marry me for my daughter's sake. What should I do?
moimeme Posted September 18, 2003 Posted September 18, 2003 Do you know what's interesting about arranged marriages? Very often, the people who have committed to the marriage learn to love each other very much. If you love him, if he loves your daughter, if he's a good man, I suppose you could worry about measuring the amount of love he has but remember all the people who are 'madly in love' but can't keep a marriage going because someone can't commit to the work. If it were me, I would pick a man I loved who has the integrity and fortitude to work at being married over a man who was madly in love with me but would bail if the going got rough. If he's good to you and treats you with respect, consderation, and affection, you'll have much more than a lot of people who married for 'love' now have.
HokeyReligions Posted September 18, 2003 Posted September 18, 2003 Love grows over time. Has he ever said "I love you" to you? Have you talked about this with him? He sounds like a great guy and will do right by you - inlcuding loving YOU. He may be overcompensating because he's thinking that you may be concerned over how well or how much he will love your child. You two need to talk.
Jamie31 Posted September 18, 2003 Posted September 18, 2003 I definetly agree that you two should sit down and have a heart-to-heart. If he is as caring and genuine as you say,then he should be understanding about that too. I really think that's the best thing you can do. Good luck
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