sweetgirl99 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 How long do you typically date or get to know a person before expecting to regularly contact the other individual? I'm just curious. I'm involved with someone who wants to keep talking and getting to know eachother, but the idea of regular daily contact is too much for him yet..I'm new to the dating world being as I was previously involved with someone for a long time. I guess I'm having issues as to what to expect and how soon . I dont want to look pushy or overwhelm someone new.
Tomcat33 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Well there is no set time or time frame Sweet, it tends to happen naturally and gradually. Not like you can fix a date on your calendar. it's different with everyone. It's probably best that you don't rush into daily contact right away, it's too much and it leaves no room for each of you to adjust to each other. It's those days in between and the uncertainty that makes two people want to be with each other. When you rush into too much contact too soon you tend to get bored fast. It's like everything in life, done with moderation it creates a good balance.
Author sweetgirl99 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 thank you for your replies We've been talking for a long time, but like I posted before in another post, he's going through a divorce right now so its a little different situation. I mean, I really like him etc.. I just know he's not ready for a relationship yet and I dont know how long I should wait. I'm not limiting myself to only him, but I'm just not really interested in anyone else right now. A guy friend of mine told me today, to stop talking to him all together because he's probably hooking up with a bunch of girls since he's on the rebound. Its frustrating. The guy I'm talking to says he likes me and wants to take things one step at a time, so I'm respecting that. However, my friend is advising me that I look like a fool for believing him. Dating, especially long distance, is so confusing to me
Tomcat33 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Is this the same guy you met online that was seperated? If so have you met him yet?
Author sweetgirl99 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 Hi Tom Cat Yes, same guy..my thing about it is I'm afraid to actually meet him until he can be more ready for something stable. I mean I have NO idea what a person goes through emotionally when separated and going through a divorce. I'm just afraid to put myself completely out there until I get some sort of consistency. Do you think that is stupid of me? Am I being unreasonable? I think that regular texting and calling should be happening before I take that next step, dont you? I just hope I'm not wasting my time and waiting for something that isnt going to happen. I also dont mean to over analyze this. I just dont know how much time is an appropriate amount of time to give someone. I dont want to look like an idiot
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Simply put: You're wasting your time on a married man (even if he is in fact divorcing) who you've never met who lives far away. There are MUCH easier people in the world (who live nearby!) to date.
Tomcat33 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Hi Sweet - well a couple of things come to mind: For starters you never met this man, what you have with him is a somewhat fantasy created via your interaction online. My concern is, how do you even know he is seperated? How do you know he is not married and just playing around online? But even more importantly how do you know that even if he is telling the truth that if you were to meet that you would be into each other? What if you meet him and he doesn't do it for you in person or vice versa? You don't really have a relationship with him right now no matter how much time you have devoted back and forth in cyber world the reality is that you haven't a clue who or what this man is about yet you are treating this as if you had been dating for quite sometime. You've never even been on one live date. Rather than worrying about when it's ok to start communicating daily don't you think you should meet him to see if he is even somemone you want to be with? I'm just afraid to put myself completely out there until I get some sort of consistency. Do you think that is stupid of me? Am I being unreasonable? I think that regular texting and calling should be happening before I take that next step, dont you? Honey I don't think it's stupid that you want to protect yourself but you won't get anything from this man or about this "relationship" until you are face to face and actually establish a REAL relationship with him. I can tell you what a man goes through when he is seperated, my ex was seperated and I dealt with it all. But that's irrelevant at this point since you haven't got beyond the computer.
Author sweetgirl99 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 you're right, I need to talk to him and tell him that we need to meet and see what happens from there. I just hope that things are the way I'd like them to be and that it works out. I think I'm just afraid that I'm going to be the rebound and that I'm going to get hurt if he hasnt gone out and dated that much. I know he's separated and filed for divorce because he's moved into his own place and doesnt have an issue with me calling whenever. thats besides the point i guess, though.. We just need to meet before things can progress.. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it.
Tomcat33 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I think I'm just afraid that I'm going to be the rebound and that I'm going to get hurt if he hasnt gone out and dated that much. I think you are really getting ahead of yourself, before you fear being the rebound you should make sure you are even a relationship, let alone a rebound one. Meet the guy and rule out whether you are even into him, if you are go on a few dates with him and see what he is about. How long have you known him and how long has he been seperated?
Author sweetgirl99 Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I've been talking to him for over a year..he was separating at the time we started to talk, and finally moved out after finding out she cheated on him. he moved into his own place and filed officially for the divorce in late July, early August. During the time he was separated and not in his own place, he was staying at his parents' house. I know the next question will be how do I know he was actually staying at the parents house, and my answer is that I would talk to him by calling him there.. you're right, I shouldnt jump ahead too far..
Tomcat33 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 That's fine could be that he is not lying. I think he's been on his own enough now, he could be on the rebound like he could not at this point. But as I said, that's not even the point you should be focusing on. MEET him. Don't let another day go by with more emotional fictitional relationship talk, go out there and live it out. If you hit it off then you will figure it out from there. If you are long distance how will this pan out? How would you date? Have you thought of that?
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