sneller440 Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 the grass is never greener when u can openly admit to yourself and a public domain that u love him dearly. He clearly cares for u and no offence, the fact that your not letting your heart and mind determine this but leave the major influence factor up to a bunch of faceless strangers on this forum...you're gonna screw it up anyway, u clearly dont love him as much as you say you do, if u did the choice would be easy: stay with man u love and not get so F'in bent outta shape about some "cute" guy u know nothing about who gives u attention. Good day to you and good luck finding a guy like u have again. Just remember this...u will never know what u have untill its gone...and when fantasy cute boy sleeps with you and cans you for the next girl he knows he can bend outta shape with his looks...you're toast. think about that good day to you
girlwithbigearrings Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 It's like your keeping your boyfriend as a security blanket, while you have your secret fun with other guys. You're thinking, 'i love my boyfriend he loves me, he's the one i'm gonna marry but while he's not aware i'll see my other options' WHAT THE FFFF? that is harsh. choose one side, other guys or your boyfriend, don't do that to the guy you say you want to live with and possibly marry.
Phateless Posted February 3, 2009 Posted February 3, 2009 People need to check for the 10 pages of updates before they respond to the very first post.
Author hotdancer2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 Yes fishtaco, I will post updates!!! mr crush called me last night we'll see what happens for valentines day! :-)
Dexter Morgan Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Yes fishtaco, I will post updates!!! mr crush called me last night we'll see what happens for valentines day! :-) Well whatever happens, the decent thing in all of this would be to leave your X completely alone. he needs to move on and find happiness.
Author hotdancer2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 I taught Mr Crush to ice skate today! Life is good. :-)
39388 Posted February 9, 2009 Posted February 9, 2009 I taught Mr Crush to ice skate today! Life is good. :-) Excellent!!! I am so happy everything is going so much better. You have shown things do get better after tough times. I know I keep repeating myself, but do remember to get happiness from yourself and other friends in addition to what your get from having fun with Mr Crush.
Phateless Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Don't let mr crush define your happiness, your life, or your sense of yourself. You have to be your own person before any of that other stuff, so that if you lose mr crush, you can go back to your life, thinking, "i really do like my life."
Dexter Morgan Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 I taught Mr Crush to ice skate today! Life is good. :-) How old are you?
Author hotdancer2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Author Posted February 12, 2009 "Don't let mr crush define your happiness, your life, or your sense of yourself. You have to be your own person before any of that other stuff, so that if you lose mr crush, you can go back to your life, thinking, 'i really do like my life.'" Yes, I agree. I am very happy with my life right now. School and work are going well. I'm happy with my social life. However, there is one thing that I need from Mr. Crush. I do need SOME amount of physical human interaction. I can go without kissing or sex for years but I've gotta at least have a hug occasionally. I know many people would disagree with this, but you are not me, and I'm telling you, this is a need not a want. As a female, the only way to get this is from men, usually. So dating does serve a very important purpose. It would be wonderful if Mr. Crush and I ended up getting married and having kids, but as a bare minimum, I need the hugs!
SirDingleus Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You are lying to yourself and immature. You say you love him very much, so much so you are moving in together bla bla. but then say not only are you attracted to a new guy, but you have gone out on dates with others. First. Tell your boyfriend it's not working out and you want to date other people. Second. Date whoever you want and be honest about it, instead of lying and sneaking around. Third. Do a rule check on yourself, dating another person without kissing is still cheating. Not the worse type but that's really trivial when it's all said and done.
Phateless Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 You are lying to yourself and immature. You say you love him very much, so much so you are moving in together bla bla. but then say not only are you attracted to a new guy, but you have gone out on dates with others. First. Tell your boyfriend it's not working out and you want to date other people. Second. Date whoever you want and be honest about it, instead of lying and sneaking around. Third. Do a rule check on yourself, dating another person without kissing is still cheating. Not the worse type but that's really trivial when it's all said and done. Read the thread before you post.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 Read the thread before you post. What was wrong with what he posted? The only thing he didn't get out of it was that they were already broken up. The rest of it applies quite nicely.
39388 Posted February 12, 2009 Posted February 12, 2009 "Don't let mr crush define your happiness, your life, or your sense of yourself. You have to be your own person before any of that other stuff, so that if you lose mr crush, you can go back to your life, thinking, 'i really do like my life.'" Yes, I agree. I am very happy with my life right now. School and work are going well. I'm happy with my social life. However, there is one thing that I need from Mr. Crush. I do need SOME amount of physical human interaction. I can go without kissing or sex for years but I've gotta at least have a hug occasionally. I know many people would disagree with this, but you are not me, and I'm telling you, this is a need not a want. As a female, the only way to get this is from men, usually. So dating does serve a very important purpose. It would be wonderful if Mr. Crush and I ended up getting married and having kids, but as a bare minimum, I need the hugs! You are doing great! Most people, male or female, do need a hug once in awhile, myself included.
Author hotdancer2009 Posted February 15, 2009 Author Posted February 15, 2009 So I confronted Mr. Crush today. We have been dating for a month now, so I straight up asked him, "What do you want from me? Where is this going?" I looked him in the eye and asked him to be honest. Basically, NOT in his words, he said that he is seeing a few other women and wants to sleep around. I laughed. I got such a kick out of this because I suspected it and it was true! I told him that I don't want to sleep with him since he is sleeping with ten other women BUT that I would be happy to be his friend. He said that he really enjoys my company too. He has agreed to the most perfect arrangement: friends with cuddle benefits. No kissing, no sex, no boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, no drama. Just hanging out, having fun, and I can get all the hugs I need! I am so proud of myself for being assertive and opening up the conversation, and also for knowing myself well enough to know that this type of relationship is exactly what I need now (not a sex buddy and not a boyfriend)...and for telling him that! Gold star for me! I think I will officially change Mr. Crush's name to Mr. Friend.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 So I confronted Mr. Crush today. We have been dating for a month now, so I straight up asked him, "What do you want from me? Where is this going?" I looked him in the eye and asked him to be honest. Basically, NOT in his words, he said that he is seeing a few other women and wants to sleep around. I laughed. I got such a kick out of this because I suspected it and it was true! I told him that I don't want to sleep with him since he is sleeping with ten other women BUT that I would be happy to be his friend. ????? but it was ok for YOU to play the field when with your X though eh? I hope this doesn't mean you are going to try to get back with your X now.
39388 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 So I confronted Mr. Crush today. We have been dating for a month now, so I straight up asked him, "What do you want from me? Where is this going?" I looked him in the eye and asked him to be honest. Basically, NOT in his words, he said that he is seeing a few other women and wants to sleep around. I laughed. I got such a kick out of this because I suspected it and it was true! I told him that I don't want to sleep with him since he is sleeping with ten other women BUT that I would be happy to be his friend. He said that he really enjoys my company too. He has agreed to the most perfect arrangement: friends with cuddle benefits. No kissing, no sex, no boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, no drama. Just hanging out, having fun, and I can get all the hugs I need! I am so proud of myself for being assertive and opening up the conversation, and also for knowing myself well enough to know that this type of relationship is exactly what I need now (not a sex buddy and not a boyfriend)...and for telling him that! Gold star for me! I think I will officially change Mr. Crush's name to Mr. Friend. You seem so much happier now! Keep doing what you are doing. 10 Gold stars for you!
39388 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 ????? but it was ok for YOU to play the field when with your X though eh? I hope this doesn't mean you are going to try to get back with your X now. She LEARNED from her mistake. I see so many people here make even bigger mistakes and refuse to learn from them. I have a lot of respect for people who learn from their mistakes and make themselves better.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 She LEARNED from her mistake. Did she? Or does she just hold men she dates to a higher standard with regards to not playing the field? I think she was put off by his admission, but in the end she took it well.
Ramrod Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<Karma>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
39388 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 Did she? Or does she just hold men she dates to a higher standard with regards to not playing the field? I think she was put off by his admission, but in the end she took it well. She clearly went through a very difficult time for a week or two becuase of her mistake. She now gets more of her happiness from herself or friends as opposed to people she is romantically involved with. That is a very good thing. I am impressed at how she has changed for the better since her first post. I don't see people change that much for the better that quickly very often.
fishtaco Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 I am impressed at how she has changed for the better since her first post. I don't see people change that much for the better that quickly very often. She didn't change for the better. The only good thing that happened was her ex-BF aka Mr. Doormat didn't become a chump and get cheated on. Although that guy needs to wake up and smell the coffee. If anything I'd smack Mr. Doormat upside the head, I don't have much respect for him, but hotdancer I'm okay with. She's the same, jumping around and can't make up her mind about what she wants. Although I'd say she didn't do anything bad. She's pretty much just acting like a normal chick. The fact that she didn't flip out over Mr. Crush is a good sign. Multi dating is normal and expected. I am surprised that hotdancer didn't want to be on Mr. Crush's roster (and start a roster of her own). But I thought she handled the situation well. She does seem to be happier, so that's a good thing, and I'd give her a pat on the back for that. I'm also interested in seeing what she's going to do next.
39388 Posted February 16, 2009 Posted February 16, 2009 She didn't change for the better. She's the same, jumping around and can't make up her mind about what she wants. Although I'd say she didn't do anything bad. She's pretty much just acting like a normal chick. The fact that she didn't flip out over Mr. Crush is a good sign. Multi dating is normal and expected. I am surprised that hotdancer didn't want to be on Mr. Crush's roster (and start a roster of her own). But I thought she handled the situation well. She does seem to be happier, so that's a good thing, and I'd give her a pat on the back for that. I'm also interested in seeing what she's going to do next. Fishtaco, the situation looked so bleak amonth ago when I read her early posts. How things have changed! She has changed for the better and your statements support it. "She didn't want to be on Mr. Crush's (now Mr. Friend's) roster." You even said she handled the situation well. Change for the better. "She does seem to be happier, so that's a good thing, and I'd give her a pat on the back for that." Change for the better. I think she should continue to follow the advice Phateless gave as much as possible. Get happiness from yourself and your friends, rather than from a romance. She listened to the good advice. If she keeps following it, she will make even more progress.
Author hotdancer2009 Posted February 17, 2009 Author Posted February 17, 2009 Thank you 39388 and fishtaco for the support. Not everyone hangs out on online forums to provide positive support to others. I appreciate it! I sure have done a lot of growing in the last month, and I see a bright future. I have learned a very important lesson, which is that I have power. I have power over every decision that I make, big or small. I can choose to date or not to date. I can choose to let go of unhealthy relationships and to nurture healthy ones. I can choose to be courageous in difficult moments. If I ever feel weak, I know that all I need to do is make a good decision..a decision true to my heart, and in that decision there is power. I know that I can trust myself to make good decisions (and to learn from the bad ones). I know that the best decisions in life are often the hardest to make. I learned that by taking a leap of faith, even just a tiny leap, then I can be my own role model. I can surprise myself and impress myself. No matter what happens, I have the steering wheel in my life and it is my responsibility to take the wheel and drive. I might as well choose the scenic route that makes me happy! Thanks again guys! It's really nice being able to share this whole process.
39388 Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I have learned a very important lesson, which is that I have power. I learned that by taking a leap of faith, even just a tiny leap, then I can be my own role model. I can surprise myself and impress myself. No matter what happens, I have the steering wheel in my life and it is my responsibility to take the wheel and drive. I might as well choose the scenic route that makes me happy! These are great lessons!
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