lovingalways Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 This is probably a question for guys: why would an ex send a message after 6 month silence to wish me a happy birthday? I think I mentioned a couple of times on this forum that I am over my ex, but his recent e-mail sort of caught me off guard and I've been wondering why would he send me a message like that after all these months. We dated for 4 years before breaking it off. It ended on bad terms, mostly because of him. Actually this is how it ended. I wanted to break up so he decided to beat me to it. So we mutually broke up and decided to stay friends. After like a week of silence, he calls me to tell me that his grandmother died. So, me being a nice person, tell him I'm here for him if he needs anything. Then he called me again, but I realized it is too much because I was in pain (even though I wanted to break up I still loved him and cared for him) so I told him that I can't talk with him for the next couple of months and he agreed to follow through with that. I told him I want to stay friends but that I need time. He agreed with that as well and said that when I'm ready I can message him, that I have him on fb and what not. Anywho, I missed my stepbrother a lot but my ex never met him (my stepbrother travels a lot and rarely comes home). So after we went out a couple of times, I put on fb something like "Best day ever! Thank you <name of stepbrother>". The next thing I know my ex unfriended me from fb and sent me an e-mail saying something like "I unfriended you because I can't deal with your status updates. It's not over between us. I just need to deal with this. Your status updates are messing with my head!" Since then I haven't heard from him. So, now out of the blue, he messages me. Now I don't know what to think of it. I replied with a "Thank you for the wishes" and the moment I did, he shuts off his fb account. Did I say something wrong? What did he want to accomplish with that message? I really don't get it and it's been bugging me because I'm a pretty logical person and none of it makes sense. Mind you, I still want to be friends with him.
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 You're over him, but it bugs you. He's not over you but he keeps contacting you. Either way, NC is NC. Stick to it for his sake, if not yours. He's so not over you and his heart is breaking. Some cruddy contact with you is better than none at all. He could kick himself every time he does it. Worst thing is, you respond. Let him off the hook, do him a favour and move on. Leave him alone. friends, you may want to be, but he hasn't moved on yet, and whilst you keep in touch with him - he never will. The only time you can re-establish contact with him, is when he has a pregnant wife, "two cats in the yard" and a smile on his face. THEN, he will have moved on.
Author lovingalways Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Well, it seemed to me like he DID move on beforehand. And I haven't had contact with him since like June. It's not like I've been chasing him around. And by responding: I didn't mean ANYTHING bad by doing that - I thought "Well he was nice so I should be nice too". Why does it bug me? Well, because I cared and still do for this man (not like care care, but care in terms of being friendly care). We didn't work out but that doesn't mean I should treat him like trash or be mean towards him. How do you know his heart is breaking? How do you know he wasn't just trying to be nice? :S I know I'm asking too many questions but I'm trying to work on things when it comes to myself and understanding men is one of them.
replicator Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Definitely sounds like he isn't over you. I know you probably want to try to sustain some type of friendly relations, but now is not the time. It's still too soon. I also removed my ex from my fb. I really can't bear to know what she is doing and with whom. I really wanted to write my ex over the holidays to let her know I wished her the best and that she was in my thoughts. I realized that I would send it if I knew she wouldn't respond, but knowing that she might, I didn't send it. Perhaps he wanted to something similar. To let you know that he still cares, but he can't continue contact for his own sake. It's tough, because I know she thinks I'm angry and upset with her, but I can't express this to her because I don't want to open dialogue with her. One thing I know, is that sadly we can't just be friends. Too much history.
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Yea he's definately not over you yet. For his sake you should probably try and let him call the shots as far as the whole NC thing is concerned. I dont think you were in the wrong for replying but he probably conteacted you out of desperation, nothing more.
Riffmeister General Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 SOOOOOO not over you. Messages around special dates (birthdays, anniversaries etc) after long periods of silence aren't uncommon and can indicate they're trying to mask their real intentions. If you don't want this relationship to be rekindled, best either tell him straight or completely cut him off.
Geishawhelk Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 See, Loving? I'm not the only one who sees it. I really think people in the middle of it really can't see the wood for the trees. Especially when they know they're absolutely OK, and they're assuming the other person is too. And you know what they say when we 'ASS-u-me' anything, huh?
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