xXxshootingstarxXx Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Hoping for some good advice... and from some males points of view too if possible! I had a very intense relationship with my ex boyfriend, we had some extremely amazing times when we were together and got on soo well mostly but sadly due to my insecurities and jealousy it caused issues in our relationship, we began to row more freguently and the cracks began to show, then after 10 months my ex ended it with me, him saying he wanted to be alone! So I gave him his space, totally heart-broken of course, crying everynight for a little while but I respected his wishes. The breakup wasn't at all bitter though... however, after just a few weeks we began communicating again slowly... and now six months on, he's still single and so am I!! HOWEVER, we've since become like the best of friends, chatting on msn everynight except weekends when we'll meet up or he'll going out with his pals and me with my friends! But we've been spending quite abit of time together of late for a couple of few hours, having a good banter each time we meet up. Recently we went out for a meal and talk about the fun times we had together. I love his company and very much sure he enjoys mine... but then I got carried away just lately and kissed him!! He didn't resist, although, it was a little strange afterwards cos it felt awkward as I didn't know if I'd put the spanner in the works (as they say!), but later on msn he said that it was a nice kiss and we could continuing kissing... but just 'as friends' and as long as I knew where we stood! He does tell me quite alot that he'll be single for a looong time and is not ready to settle down for at least another 10 years etc... so I drop hints that I'll be back dating again soon, then he'll be like 'Oooh when you get a new boyfriend he'll be able to do all these favours for you etc' but he actually sounds jealous if I did meet someone new cos he's goes on and on about it sometimes!!! Cos he also says he'll miss our chats when I do move on as we wouldn't be able to stay in touch because i'd have a new boyfriend.. My question really is... Does my ex still have feelings for me as he kisses me passionately each time we meet, we chat often and have started spending more time together again...? Or am I just being a fool to myself and can't see that maybe i'm just being his 'back-up girl' till he actually does meet someone else?? Any thoughts would be appreciated... thanks xxxx
BikerBeagle Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 He's playing you ...fishing for a "Friends With Benefits" or, at best, a "casual dating with sex" situation with you. "Friends" don't kiss "passionately" and the fact that he's ok with it ...and, in fact, encouraging the continuation of it ...says that whatever you can give him physically will be welcomed, but don't expect any commitment on his part.
Author xXxshootingstarxXx Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 BikerBeagle: Thanks for your reply... Can I ask you what is the best thing to do then?? Completely cut off all ties and communication with my ex and ignore him?? Basically you're saying he's not likely to commit, so am guessing my only options are to do.... NC, forget him and move on?? Do guys like him just enjoy the buzz of playing with someone's mind and heart? Bummer.
birdie Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 don't just accept what bikerbeagle says, he doesn't know your ex and doesn't know you. some people will come up with negative stuff on this forum all the time anyway. it is obvious that your ex still likes you a lot but he is frightened because of past issues. I don't know what happened between you but the arguments must have been pretty bad. the two of you will need to talk about this and NOT on MSN but in person, properly. I think it would be a good idea now to decide whether the two of you have a future together or whether the damage is too great. if the latter then you will have to find a way to move on. hope this helps
LexD Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 sounds to me like he is being cautious. that he doesnt want to let himself get into the same predicament as before so he is trying to slowly move back into it. friends kissing? na. friends dont kiss.
Author xXxshootingstarxXx Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 birdie and LexD: Thanks for your advice, much appreciated! Think you're both pretty right in what you're saying, totally need to talk about 'us' face to face more and not via msn... and he can be a verrry cautious person at times so he could be playing it safe just incase the issues that caused him to break up with me... resurface! I feel like I've shaken off my insecurities and jealously ~ so fingers crossed... we both head in the right path... into a successful relationship ~ together!! And sooo truuue friends do not kiss :-S !!
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