smiiiley Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Yet another post...*sigh* i know you guys reply to me and i appreciate that but im just so freaking depressed...all the time...im being rediculous, at times i dont even know why the hell am i so depressed...its like i cant just snap out of it... :( If someone tells me to stop being such a baby and to have fun, i feel terrible because it is not about that i am not trying to be this way, i feel like crying all the time...sometimes i feel like im going insane and this has been going on for way too long...people say only YOU can make yourself happy, but is that really true? when i decided to "move on" i was okay with the idea...i distracted myself and tried to block out how i feel but i cant keep doing that because it still hurts...i thought to myself "ok, he doesnt love me and wants to treat me like i dont exist...f*ck him...and everybody who brings sadness to my life" so i cut off people who were hurting me and went NC on my ex...i thought i'll be ok on my own just studying and improving myself... At first I was but I see that I, alone, cannot be happy with just myself...i miss my old life sooo much, i miss my ex...i dont know how to stop loving him...even when i try to keep busy and not think about him, i still miss him. God this is hell, im so sick of crying to myself and talking to myself for all these months... :( before i had people comforting me, now im drowning in this loneliness and emptiness and the realization that nobody gives a damn how can i stop being depressed? if anyone understands or has went through this, please tell me how did you pull through it with the help of nobody but yourself
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It's hard very hard, but you just got to realize that nothing you can do will change the situation, so why be sad crying depressed all the time when it won't change anything and you feel like crap. When you can be happy, find new activites, relax get on with life. I know how hard it is, the love of my life the only girl i ever opened up to and felt anything for the person I loved more than my parents anyone I ever met cheated on me and dumped me after three years, I had no friends, no family to lean on. But I'm getting through it day by day. Why be sad crying despair over someone who doesn't want you, don't let anyone steal your joy.
Author smiiiley Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 you are right, however i dont find joy in anything...omg i hate this sooooo bad...i just want my life back...it has changed 360 degrees and i hate it...he doesnt want me anymore and that hurts me soo much because i would have gave my life up for him and now he just leaves me...nothing even makes sense anymore....i feel like im dying on the inside
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 you are right, however i dont find joy in anything...omg i hate this sooooo bad...i just want my life back...it has changed 360 degrees and i hate it...he doesnt want me anymore and that hurts me soo much because i would have gave my life up for him and now he just leaves me...nothing even makes sense anymore....i feel like im dying on the inside Every day it gets a little and a little better, I know it sucks when someone you would do anything for literally dispose of you like a empty coffee cup, and it makes you sick when your down and out feeling like crap, that their out there happy with their new pathetic gf or bf, not a care in the world what happens to you. Yes it hurts because he doesn't want you anymore, so just change the pattern of your thoughts that there is someone out there who does want you.
lonelygurl Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I would recommend that you talk to your doctor. If you find that you've been depressed on going it is possible you may need a bit of help. I know that some people feel that doctors just hand out anti-depressants like candy, but the thing is if you are so depressed you can't see your way out to think straight. Sometimes the help can see you through. If you are really depressed there may be no other option. With my depression being clinical, it just can't be wished, willed or thought away. My recent break-up is making it all the harder to manage. I am not functioning well at all. Well I'm pretty much not functioning at all. Good luck!
Surfer Dude Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 As far as I know, only time and NC can truly help you move on. There might be more active techniques, but this is what I've been doing and so far it has worked pretty well. I also don't know what I'd do without great people here on LS. Smiley, you will be fine. Time heals anything. Just stay strong, you'll pull through, I can promise you that.
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Smiley it'll get better. I know everyone has probably told you that, right? It takes longer for some people than others. We all have our setbacks and we all have our good days. It just takes some of us longer to get over our situations then others.You have to realize that you can't change anyone else's feelings. It is out of your control. Maybe you should try and get out and meet new people. Try a fresh start. Meeting new people is a way to get away from your old life and from your old memories and is a way move on with life. People on here are great to talk to also. A couple of days ago I was real depressed and I had heard from the same people over and over again and it wasn't really helping. So I looked for an alternative and I joined this site and it's helped me hopefully our input is helping you. If you need someone to talk to, just keep posting and try and stay positive.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 hi smiley. i feel for you, because i can totally empathise. things went wrong for me and my now ex almost three months ago, and he dumped me 7 weeks ago. I have cried every day since things first went wrong. Gut wrenching crying. I have never ever cried like that before, I've been fortunate up to now, to never have lost anyone i love. i cried so much that i had sores inside my nose, my eyes have been constantly puffy (calming now thankfully), i got an eye infection, my skin has become terrible.............i've gone down a size in my clothes. but i'm only now beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. and distraction certainly helps, as does meeting new people. like was said above, different people recover differently. i spoke to my doctor about it, esp because i've had other things going on in my life lately that haven't helped the mood. it probably in a way contributed to the break up. the thing is that when people get into these situations, where they are that depressed, you feel apathy. it's hard to motivate yourself to change things around you or about you that would make you feel better. people tend to get in a rut and only see the negative. it's a new year...........a few days in, but not too late to decide to turn things around. i don't know your situation, and obviously reading this it's hard to know how bad things are exactly, though they do sound pretty bad! make yourself the priority. replace negative's with positives. and go and speak to a doctor if needs be. or anyone who can help. i've kind of stopped talking to my friends about things lately................because i feel i've used enough of their time, and if i keep doing so, i'm only prolonging my own agony in reminding myself of how things are! digesting everything over and over...............i have found this site to be so helpful though, so please continue to post, it will help to get it all out. also like to add...................this is the second day in a row since things went wrong that i have not cried.............i am so relieved. i hope it will continue that way! although i'm beginning to miss him again.............it's the weekend and he might be home............i hope i don't run into him.
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Not a happy camper, NC, NC,NC. It'll help. I'm going on a week now of NC and I'm having a pretty good day. I'm glad to hear you haven't cryed for two days, that's true progress. Keep your head up
Author smiiiley Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 it's a terrible feeling...my ex wanted a fresh start...he WANTED to get over me...when we broke up, he went on vacations and doing everything to forget me...it hurts so much to know how bad he wanted to move on from me...but why? where did i go wrong?? it has been so long now...then the fact that i talked to him and had sex with him after the break-up made everything so much worse...i feel heartbroken & used...i was the "bigger" person...i was nice and sat back while he broke my heart..i allowed it..i didnt love myself enough ...i was messed up to him during our relationship and when i changed, he was messed up towards me...every possible bad feeling u can get after a break-up, i got it...i felt the loss of someone i loved, the guilt of things i did wrong, the shock of "i cant believe this is happening", and on top of that i felt used and betrayed...never got a real closure or apology...so confused at wtf happened that caused the break-up when 2 days ago he was telling me how much he loved me...now im doin NC i have no idea whats going on with his life but all i know is he has moved on...or at least so he makes it seem in front of me...and hes not in love with me anymore?? he was crying and really upset the first month of our break-up...now im guessing its really over it..was there anything i could have done to keep him?? i took him for granted and then when i started appreciating him, he was tkaing me for granted...and after knowing all this i still love him and dont know how the f*ck to move on...im so depressed, i cant even hear a phrase or see a show i used to watch with him because it hurts...my little cuzin is growing up and starting to speak now and im so sad he cant even see this (sounds weird but it really hurts) and whenever something big happens to me i feel like i just want to tell him and i cant...my God i miss him and love him soooo much, it is hurting me...i dont tell him this of course but i feel such a void and emtiness without him...and it has only been replaced with sadness and melancholy.....and i try to snap out of it and tell myself "he is not even thinking about me" it gets me mad for a little but then the reason why im depressed in itself is because 'he doesnt care anymore' when for 2 years he really cared about me...i just dont understand..i hate this so bad, its killing me...i miss him
emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 You and I have gone through some of the same things Smiiley. The wanting to tell them what we're doing. The not being able to even watch a tv show because it reminds us of them. I understand a lot of what you're going through. The NC is a good idea and try to keep that up. I know it hurts, it feels like the only thing that will ever make you happy again will be being with that person for 24 hours everyday for the rest of your life. But the problem with thinking that is that things in your relationship have changed, forever. It wont be like what it was in the past. It may be in your best interest to cut your losses and find someone who isn't going to take you for granted. If he doesnt want to be with you then you cant change the way he feels. It's out of your control. I know it's hard to get through, it really is but we all must try. You have to try not to dwell to much on the past if you want to be happier. Think about the now not the future because that brings hope and don't think about the past because that brings up regret. It's easier said than done I know but all we can do is try. I'm here for you smiley. You can get through it if you truely want to.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Not a happy camper, NC, NC,NC. It'll help. I'm going on a week now of NC and I'm having a pretty good day. I'm glad to hear you haven't cryed for two days, that's true progress. Keep your head up thank you. it's actually been four weeks NC. it wasn't ever mentioned that we would go NC. there was all that "let's be friends, sometime, just not now" crap. which i meant at the time........i don't know anymore. only contact has been a christmas text. it was a generic text and it wasn't. he said "hi h****, i hope you have a merry christmas and a happy new year". guessing through mention of my name, it's not mass text (he never did the mass texting at holiday thing, not while i was with him). but it's still a good wishes text and only that. i replied "thanks, same to you and your family". That's been the only contact. i don't like to think of it as breaking NC, but i guess it is? I guess I just don't want to be rude?! if that makes sense...........he meant a lot to me, in spite of how he treated me in the end. i still wish him only the best. i have forgiven him because it's easier to forgive him than to forget him. i don't like to think that by texting him back i'm sending him the message that i'm available to him................i think i've given him enough reason to think otherwise..............that email i sent saying we'll never be together again, deleting him off bebo and facebook. so i don't know that he'll be home. i'm only guessing. and although i deep down secretly (not so secretly now........) want to bump into him, i know that will be detrimental to healing.............. i'm just so glad i'm not crying! i never detailed here what happened to cause the breakup...........it's v complicated, but it seems to help when i go through it all to remind myself i'm not missing much! might do that later
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