durotto Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I blame myself a lot for what has happened ... She was never unfaithful and she always tried ... always always tried for us .. but I always took her for granted ... On October she felt that she needed a break ... that break never healed .... and now she feels that she is in love with someone else .... It breaks my heart seeing her love someone else ... It makes me want to change myself for her all over again ... I mean I changed myself in so many ways for her ........ but in the end she felt that she needs someone to really love her ... someone who will value her more ... more than I did I guess ... I don't know ... she wanted me to do so many things .. and I guess that she felt that romance was something very special in her life and I could never give it to her ... my writing is disjointed I know ... I am in too much of pain to feel anything or write anything ... anyways here goes .. our relationship started 4 years ago on august 10th .. but she always complained that she wanted more romance in her life ... its not that I didn't try .. I did .. but to her it seemed that it wasn't natural it was just me trying to change .. she always complained that there was no romance or love in her life ... I tried so hard to make her happy .... but in the end nothing worked out I guess .. I do not know what to say .. if your girlfriend wants romance and you can't give it .,. of course she would walk away I guess ... I asked her to take me back .. but she wants to commit to the new guy ... she thinks that he can give her all the love and romance that she needs .. I cried and asked her to take me back so many times ... but she says her feelings for me are dead ... she has no feelings for me at all ... It breaks my heart to hear that .. and I feel like committing suicide .. how can anyone move away from a 4 yr relationship in 2 months ... will she ever be back ? when girls move on do they really move on ... or are they just lying .. or what ... anyways like I said last october .. she thought about it and us .. and in the end she chose someone else .. she was talking to him after we broke up ... is that cheating ? I do not want to say that because I always felt that she was always honest to me .. it breaks my heart to see them together but I want her to be happy ... I love her and I hate to make her cry ... her tears just cut into my heart .. and I cannot bear to give her so much pain .... let her be happy ... as long as she is happy I am happy .. Can someone pls help me ?
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 She's gone man, sorry about that. She emotionally detached herself says she doesn't love you and is with someone new. Sorry.
Author durotto Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I too understand on a sub conscious level that she is gone .... Its just so hard to accept ....I feel that I am leading my life in a daze ... just passing from day to day ... The pain has been unbearable and I do not know if I can move on .. but I am happy for her ..
Riffmeister General Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I see your future. I see two letters... yes, that's right, two letters... they're becoming clearer, an N, and possibly a C, YES! That's it! NC! Do it. You'll be glad you did (eventually). Chin up fella. It's a rocky road ahead, but you're here now, and this place will help you an amazing amount. You'll have ups and downs, but if you draw a line of best fit, it'll be going up. Get out there, meet new people, and then one day this amazing girl will come along and sweep you off your feet and you won't know what hit you. What you'll find with the 'one' (there's more than one 'the one' out there for you, by the way) is you won't need to think about being romantic, it'll just happen, you'll feel a compulsion to do something and you'll do it without thinking, and she'll love it. That's what makes it romantic. It'll most likely happen when you least expect it. There's nothing you can do but sit back and grind through it, step by step pushing through it. Take it easy on yourself, the last thing you need is you on your back right now.
BikerBeagle Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 The grieving process is a distinct process ...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. "as long as she is happy I am happy ..." Really? ...because, if that were true, this wouldn't be an issue for you. I said the same thing to my ex ..."I just want you to be happy" ...but really what I meant, at the time, is "I just want you to be happy with me". After Acceptance, you realize that you want her to be happy regardless of who she's with ...I'm there, you will get there also.
lioness09 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I hate to say it but speaking from experience, when a woman says she met someone else and doesn't love you anymore, she means it! I've done it myself so I know. It hurts alot to let go of someone you love, but don't even think about suicide for crying out loud, love will come to you again!
replicator Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I blame myself a lot for what has happened ... She was never unfaithful and she always tried ... always always tried for us .. but I always took her for granted ... On October she felt that she needed a break ... that break never healed .... and now she feels that she is in love with someone else .... It breaks my heart seeing her love someone else ... It makes me want to change myself for her all over again ... I mean I changed myself in so many ways for her ........ but in the end she felt that she needs someone to really love her ... someone who will value her more ... more than I did I guess ... I don't know ... she wanted me to do so many things .. and I guess that she felt that romance was something very special in her life and I could never give it to her ... my writing is disjointed I know ... I am in too much of pain to feel anything or write anything ... anyways here goes .. our relationship started 4 years ago on august 10th .. but she always complained that she wanted more romance in her life ... its not that I didn't try .. I did .. but to her it seemed that it wasn't natural it was just me trying to change .. she always complained that there was no romance or love in her life ... I tried so hard to make her happy .... but in the end nothing worked out I guess .. I do not know what to say .. if your girlfriend wants romance and you can't give it .,. of course she would walk away I guess ... I asked her to take me back .. but she wants to commit to the new guy ... she thinks that he can give her all the love and romance that she needs .. I cried and asked her to take me back so many times ... but she says her feelings for me are dead ... she has no feelings for me at all ... It breaks my heart to hear that .. and I feel like committing suicide .. how can anyone move away from a 4 yr relationship in 2 months ... will she ever be back ? when girls move on do they really move on ... or are they just lying .. or what ... anyways like I said last october .. she thought about it and us .. and in the end she chose someone else .. she was talking to him after we broke up ... is that cheating ? I do not want to say that because I always felt that she was always honest to me .. it breaks my heart to see them together but I want her to be happy ... I love her and I hate to make her cry ... her tears just cut into my heart .. and I cannot bear to give her so much pain .... let her be happy ... as long as she is happy I am happy .. Can someone pls help me ? I'm sorry to hear about your loss, but it's over. Don't hold out that hope. I had something similar happen to me, and I know how traumatic it can be to have someone you love and trust turn their back on you. However, when I girl does this to you, they've already thought it out. They've decided that the hurt it would cause you, is worth what they are going to get in exchange. There is a reason why things end, and in the end, we need to be self-sufficient. You're going to be going through a lot of turmoil, likely for some time, but it's normal. It's tough, and everyone has their own ways of coping, but try to keep busy and don't hold it all in. Sometimes you gotta let the tears flow. Hang around here and you'll get some support from the fine people that frequent this place.
Author durotto Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 Thank you everyone for your support .. I also understand for a fact that she no longer is in love with me ... whatever was there is now gone ... I guess time which is the great healer will help me .. I am not sure about the NC stuff .. we are all in the same office and both she and her new bf are here as well and I see them everyday ... Every day ..and of course our friends are shared so I guess I will always be running into her .. But I have started to ignore her .. I am trying .... to ignore her and her new bf ... so hard though ... Thanks again everyone ... I just need to give time ..
GoneButNotForgotten Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 If your working in the same office you probably can't go completely NC. Just avoid anything unnecessary. Ask friends not to give you status updates and stuff like that. When you are forced to interact be calm and basically neutral. Any sort of emotion or cold shoulder type stuff is just going to make things harder in the office. Don't start the drama and just avoid what you can.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I think she has some issues. She was expecting ideal love (judging by how she always was worried about her and her love and her romance) and when you tried, she felt it was faked. That's because nothing could live up to her idea of ideal love. In short? This girl is a narcissist. Why am I willing to bet that this relationship has been a REAL rollercoaster? Go look up Narcissism. Read the symptoms. Bet you any money this girl has at least 5.
Author durotto Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I think she has some issues. She was expecting ideal love (judging by how she always was worried about her and her love and her romance) and when you tried, she felt it was faked. That's because nothing could live up to her idea of ideal love. In short? This girl is a narcissist. Why am I willing to bet that this relationship has been a REAL rollercoaster? Go look up Narcissism. Read the symptoms. Bet you any money this girl has at least 5. DSM.. It has been a REAL ROLLERCOASTER ... Its funny how the scales fall from your eyes ... one moment you look at her with rose tinted glasses and then .. you just understand ok .. so that is what she meant .... She was narcissistic .. I always said that love was something that you needed to work at .. to be happy .. love needs to be cultivated and you need to work hard always in a marriage or in a relationship .. but she always seemed to have grandiose ideas of being swept off her feet by someone and romance ... well her new bf seems to be trying to sweep her off her feet .. maybe he will make her happy who knows ... probably they will marry .. but I do not know the future ... I believe that what God does is always for the best as He Knows everything .. I mean what we think is the best for us may not necessarily be the best .. so I leave it in the hands of God ... I want to believe that for what it was ... that her love at that time was genuine and she honestly cared about me .. now I need to move on and get on with life ,.., but what worries me .. is that what happens if I never find love ? What happens if no one falls in love with me ? What happens if my next gf betrays me ... all these self doubts come into play and I do not know what to do ..
Author durotto Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 After two whole days of NC .. broke it today.. She called me twice about some reunion stuff and both times I did not pick up the phone .. then she texted me with her message .. then I finally called her .. Me- ''Yes , you called I see " She- "Yeah it was because of that" and then she talked a bit about this and that and asked how I was and I said I was ok .. and that was it ... I still plan on sticking to the NC stuff ... but I feel emotionally drained now ... This is tough ...
Recommended Posts