MEN who live with their parents... a regional thing?

[You'reasian]

Yeah, those pesky males who learned to clean, cook, sew and behave like civilized gentlemen from having a good mother especially suck. Don't want that guy to spend too much time at home or he might learn too much, especially the family recipes.

 

..........

 

Evolution is an interesting thing

 

Self-sufficiency/gentlemenly behavior are the highest praised/least sought after trait in today's dating scene.

[carhill]

Hey, it kept me single for 20 years past the age of voting

[allina]

Yeah, those pesky males who learned to clean, cook, sew and behave like civilized gentlemen from having a good mother especially suck. Don't want that guy to spend too much time at home or he might learn too much, especially the family recipes.

 

Evolution is an interesting thing

 

I'm not sure how this is related to a 20 something year old man living at home. If a guy can't learn to clean and be civilized by the time he goes away to college then he's too slow of a learner for me anyways. Family is important to me, so a guy who has a good mother and close family ties is a huge plus. This however, does not equate to being 25 and living under your parent's roof.

[D-Jam]

I agree, I think women should be held to the same standard. If I was a male I would not date a woman who lived at home, didn't do anything with her life and expected her parents to pick up after her. As I said, I think a grown person who does not lead the life of a grown person, perks and responsibilities included, is not good relationship material. I apply this thought to males and females equally.

 

I moved out of my parents house at 18 to go to college, I'm 25 now. Though I hang out with my parents all the time I can't imagine living with them now. Since starting college I have met lots of great guys, it hasn't been an issue. I've always dated either fellow college students or college grads, none of whom lived at home. I live with my wonderful SO currently, and I am very glad that both of us lived alone and with roomates before moving in together

Well...then it shows your standards don't hinder you from finding great men. Therefore you remain realistic. I hope you find the ideal man.

 

Very true, but alas, every girl that I seemed to date, an I shoot for the late 20's with a career and such seem to look for that instant chemistry click on all levels. When I tell them, compromise is the key for both people, I get back this is what I am looking for and this is what I want. Yet, six months later, they are still single and doing whatever. Hmm, very weird. I tend not to shoot for the very attractive girls, mostly average. Still, the same thing. Now, shooting for 30 and above. Struck out twice so far.. NY/NJ women seem to want it all, and will not settle for less.. In my opinion.

Well, this is again why I tell guys to be the same. Don't live by the double-speak many guys are told where women are told to death "never settle" and guys are somewhat told to settle for whatever will toss them a smile.

 

I don't know about you, but part of my own inner strength was that when I got into my condo, I was jaded enough that I would be happy in my life alone. The "writing my life's goals in pencil on the idea that I am alone" thing I mention a lot here. If the NY/NJ women get older and older and are still single, they either will have my attitude of being happy alone, or they turn into Sex and the City wannabes who moan and gripe how they can't find a decent man.

 

You need to be content with yourself by yourself. Make it that someone has to EARN the right to be in your life, not have it where it's an open door and anyone can waltz in. I know this sounds vindictive towards women, but it's not. It's the same "I won't settle in life" message.

 

Set your standards for women realistically, but don't compromise on the things you sincerely don't want to compromise on. Be strong in your convictions that you will make some lucky woman very happy, but it's gotta be "your way or the highway".

[You'reasian]

Very true, but alas, every girl that I seemed to date, an I shoot for the late 20's with a career and such seem to look for that instant chemistry click on all levels. When I tell them, compromise is the key for both people, I get back this is what I am looking for and this is what I want. Yet, six months later, they are still single and doing whatever. Hmm, very weird. I tend not to shoot for the very attractive girls, mostly average. Still, the same thing. Now, shooting for 30 and above. Struck out twice so far.. NY/NJ women seem to want it all, and will not settle for less.. In my opinion.

 

I'm opened to dating outside of my immediate location as long as I can keep up some kind of communication with the person - as that's the life blood of any relationship.

 

The way I look at dating is that I wouldn't expect any trait or quality that I myself couldn't match. I would therefore never demand or expect my woman to look like somekind of model; just that she keep herself physically active and take care of herself.

 

My laundry list of qualities would hopefully be qualities that I have (if any:eek:)

[carhill]

I'm not sure how this is related to a 20 something year old man living at home. If a guy can't learn to clean and be civilized by the time he goes away to college then he's too slow of a learner for me anyways. Family is important to me, so a guy who has a good mother and close family ties is a huge plus. This however, does not equate to being 25 and living under your parent's roof.

There ya go. The family recipes were voluminous

[You'reasian]

Hey, it kept me single for 20 years past the age of voting

 

.....old man

[ruggy]

It never really bothered me not having a gf. Since I don't give a f*ck what people think. Then again, during those *special* days, it can be trying. For the last few years, I've been working on my businesses and building them up, have a nice nest egg, own a house, so, all in all, pretty good. Though, 30 is here... Sometimes it can get lonely in the house.. You can only work so much to keep your mind occupied.. I guess it comes with the territory. Hey, Bill Gates did not purchase, I mean marry his wife until he was in his forties.

 

Sometimes, it is just too confusing and not worth the heart-ache. It would be nice if both (males and females) could drop the facade and be themselves; then again, that ain't going to happy anytime soon. Its the games people play.

 

Interested, just not too interested. Hey, it's 2009, and its STILL a material world..

[BoooredGuy]

I think with many raised European-style, things have changed. America is the only country I know of that tries to carry this idea that you should be out of your house at age 18...even if it means working 2-3 crappy jobs to pay rent. Europeans are more about staying at home, building your life, and moving out when you get married...or when you're ready to move out.

 

This is me as well, albeit from a different angle from what I said before. My family is from Europe, and it's very common to have multiple generations under one roof. My cousin (in Europe) who recently married this past summer lives with her parents, her grandmother, and her recently married brother and his wife, AND their recently born baby. Her husband moved in after the wedding. Believe it or not, this is not unusual.

 

My cousin and her husband will be moving out next summer to a new home that the family is building for them. The same goes for her recently married brother and his wife and their child who are living under the same roof - they will move out next summer into a newly built home.

 

I live at home here in the States with siblings, parents, and my grandmother (mom's side). When my grandfather passed away, we brought grandma from Europe to America because she cannot live by herself out there, and nursing homes are not an option - we take care of all family members until their time comes; if medical assistance is required than we escort them.

 

I have some American friends who were told to get out at 18. I have some who left on their own will and never looked back. Today, some of them are living paycheck to paycheck in a crummy apartment and barely getting by eventhough they are many alternatives to what they're doing. Some of them could very well live at home, but they refuse for whatever reasons. I have friends in many countries around the world, and I've traveled extensively across Europe, Asia and Latin America - N. America is really the only continent where this is an issue.

 

I can leave home if I really, really wanted to, but for what? Apart from being raised in a certain culture and helping out family, I spend quality time with all of them. I'm close with both of my parents, as well as my siblings. My grandmother who lives with us lived in hiding from the Nazis during World War II - my conversations with her are far better than anything you can read about or see regarding WWII. It's better than most conversatiosn that I've had in bars. In the process, I am setting up my life and my future by taking care of education and finances. That's called being smart about it.

 

I never had a problem with girls growing up, and I regularly brought girls back. If a girl has an issue with this in my life, then she is not the girl for me. I understand that some people may find this living arrangement, or culture, odd, but that's fine - I'm not offended by it. I began working as a professional right out of college, and some colleagues found it odd, eventhough I am not the only one in the office that lives at home. Here I am wearing a very nice suit and traveling around the States to meet with clients, yet, when I am in town I go back to my parents house. Some of the guys my age gave me a tough time about it, but I was never ashamed of it. Interestingly enough, the ones who have traveled outside of the U.S. completely understood it - they were exposed to and familiar with other cultures, so I wasn't viewed as an anomoly to them.

 

For me, like many people I know, it's about culture, and guys are not the only ones that live at home well into their 20s. I know quite a few males and females that are early 30s and living with family (parents or grandparents), eventhough they are well educated and have the means to support themselves. You would have to speak with them about why they are doing that before you can pass judgment on them.

 

OP - it sounds like you're meeting douches, for lack of a better word. That seems to be a good deal of guys in their 20's, so I understand your frustration when it comes to dating. If you were to meet a guy who does have his stuff together but lives at home for cultural/other valid reasons, and you are not comfortable or okay with that, then that's fine. You just move on. Unfortunately, dating isn't always an easy task. Let me ask you this though...where or how are you meeting these guys?

[You'reasian]

Sex and the City wannabes who moan and gripe how they can't find a decent man..

 

.....LMAO

 

You need to be content with yourself by yourself. Make it that someone has to EARN the right to be in your life, not have it where it's an open door and anyone can waltz in. I know this sounds vindictive towards women, but it's not. It's the same "I won't settle in life" message.".

 

I agree with this, but you can't make the key to your heart as difficult to obtain as some kind of toughman competition. I think being firm with your boundaries and what you expect/can give are good enough.

 

Set your standards for women realistically, but don't compromise on the things you sincerely don't want to compromise on. Be strong in your convictions that you will make some lucky woman very happy, but it's gotta be "your way or the highway".

 

I disagree with this.

 

There has to be some compromise in your relationship otherwise you'll lose balance, damage your partner and the relationship you thought you had will be no more.

[allina]

Hey, Bill Gates did not purchase, I mean marry his wife until he was in his forties.

 

 

Clearly you're misinformed. Bill Gate's wife isn't some gold digging trophy. She was valedictorian and is in possession of an MA from Duke. She has her own career and money, and they have a real marriage. I know it's off topic but you were so off base with your remark I had to set you straight

[You'reasian]

Sometimes, it is just too confusing and not worth the heart-ache. It would be nice if both (males and females) could drop the facade and be themselves; then again, that ain't going to happy anytime soon. Its the games people play.

 

I'm not one for gaming either.

 

I've never played coy, aloof or mysterious - perhaps I'm too straight forward, which is a very attractive trait.....in The Netherlands, maybe but not in the States.

[D-Jam]

If a girl has an issue with this in my life, then she is not the girl for me.

This is why if I ever have a family, I will NEVER push them to get out at 18. I'd push them instead to stay at home, get a college education, build their lives, and not end up in a struggle to "make it" because they got out too soon.

 

If they want to get out, then they are free to, but I will educate them on how much it costs to live on their own. I also will make sure they know I love them as their parent, but they are on their own. If they end up in trouble and have nowhere else go to go, I will take them in and help them get back on their feet, provided they are being responsible and have goals set. I will not though help them with their rent or bills if they are on their own. I found it amazingly ridiculous when some ridiculed me on living at home when they themselves were getting help on their rent, mortgages, and/or bills from their parents.

 

If I have sons and women reject them because they live at home, then I'll tell them based on my experiences to see where those women end up. See if they find decent good men in their lives, or if they hit 30 and are desperate to find a husband, knocked up, and/or jaded and hating men because all their standards couldn't be met. I would teach them to value themselves, be good adults, but to value their personal prosperity over their love lives.

 

I agree with this, but you can't make the key to your heart as difficult to obtain as some kind of toughman competition. I think being firm with your boundaries and what you expect/can give are good enough.

 

There has to be some compromise in your relationship otherwise you'll lose balance, damage your partner and the relationship you thought you had will be no more.

I agree with you. I'm not saying men act all "bottled up" and make women "work hard" to get them.

 

My beef with this subject matter and often times with my past in dating is how many messages I've seen passed to both genders over the years. Feminism told women to never settle in life. To keep shooting for the best of the best for themselves. Along the way it became screwed up and now you see the plethora of beautiful women out there who seemingly can't find a decent man, but often times they carry that long laundry list.

 

Men however are seemingly told to settle, to be happy with what they have, and that we're all shallow when we set any standards for ourselves. I'm not trying to make love a battle of the sexes, but I am telling men to value themselves more and to be something good for the women who choose to be with them. However, I tell men not to just jump on the first girl that comes along and "gives him a chance". I tell them instead to see the world as "does she deserve to be with me?"

 

That to me is what confidence is. That male strength women say they want in a man. How it pertains to this topic is that men who are at home with goals, ambitions, and a stable life (career) shouldn't be made to feel like they're "less" because they are at home, but more to pride themselves on being goal oriented, and not to "settle for less" in life...even if it means women left and right reject them for that one factor.

 

As for the lazy lumps who skipped college, have their moms do their laundry, and act like a 26 year old going on 17...don't complain when women reject you because you are a child.

[ruggy]

Clearly you're misinformed. Bill Gate's wife isn't some gold digging trophy. She was valedictorian and is in possession of an MA from Duke. She has her own career and money, and they have a real marriage. I know it's off topic but you were so off base with your remark I had to set you straight

 

It was a joke. Relax.. Some people take things way too seriously.

[ruggy]

This is why if I ever have a family, I will NEVER push them to get out at 18. I'd push them instead to stay at home, get a college education, build their lives, and not end up in a struggle to "make it" because they got out too soon.

 

If they want to get out, then they are free to, but I will educate them on how much it costs to live on their own. I also will make sure they know I love them as their parent, but they are on their own. If they end up in trouble and have nowhere else go to go, I will take them in and help them get back on their feet, provided they are being responsible and have goals set. I will not though help them with their rent or bills if they are on their own. I found it amazingly ridiculous when some ridiculed me on living at home when they themselves were getting help on their rent, mortgages, and/or bills from their parents.

 

If I have sons and women reject them because they live at home, then I'll tell them based on my experiences to see where those women end up. See if they find decent good men in their lives, or if they hit 30 and are desperate to find a husband, knocked up, and/or jaded and hating men because all their standards couldn't be met. I would teach them to value themselves, be good adults, but to value their personal prosperity over their love lives.

 

 

I agree with you. I'm not saying men act all "bottled up" and make women "work hard" to get them.

 

My beef with this subject matter and often times with my past in dating is how many messages I've seen passed to both genders over the years. Feminism told women to never settle in life. To keep shooting for the best of the best for themselves. Along the way it became screwed up and now you see the plethora of beautiful women out there who seemingly can't find a decent man, but often times they carry that long laundry list.

 

Men however are seemingly told to settle, to be happy with what they have, and that we're all shallow when we set any standards for ourselves. I'm not trying to make love a battle of the sexes, but I am telling men to value themselves more and to be something good for the women who choose to be with them. However, I tell men not to just jump on the first girl that comes along and "gives him a chance". I tell them instead to see the world as "does she deserve to be with me?"

 

That to me is what confidence is. That male strength women say they want in a man. How it pertains to this topic is that men who are at home with goals, ambitions, and a stable life (career) shouldn't be made to feel like they're "less" because they are at home, but more to pride themselves on being goal oriented, and not to "settle for less" in life...even if it means women left and right reject them for that one factor.

 

As for the lazy lumps who skipped college, have their moms do their laundry, and act like a 26 year old going on 17...don't complain when women reject you because you are a child.

 

 

Agree is most everything you typed. Amen. However, if you graduated college and you are back home sleeping and doing nothing, something is wrong. If you are in school or working for goals in the future, sure, that is ok. My goal was to get out of my parents house as fast as possible. Love them to death, but hate having to depend on others; or be a burden to them.

[allina]

It was a joke. Relax.. Some people take things way too seriously.

 

I'm very relaxed, I wasn't angered by your comment. However, because you said things like "it's a material world" and something about people needing to drop their facade *what facade?) I didn't realize you were joking. Given this topic I can see how gold diggers would come up, I simply pointed out a faulty example, or what would have been one have you not been joking. No biggie.

[D-Jam]

Agree is most everything you typed. Amen. However, if you graduated college and you are back home sleeping and doing nothing, something is wrong. If you are in school or working for goals in the future, sure, that is ok. My goal was to get out of my parents house as fast as possible. Love them to death, but hate having to depend on others; or be a burden to them.

I wholeheartedly agree. My goals of home ownership the proper way with a down payment and a fixed rate mortgage was why I stayed at home...and why I would not compromise it to get a girl. I just wasn't going to get raped with an ARM or waste money on rent just so I could get women to like me.

 

I even told my parents recently if they fell into bad money problems, I'd sell my condo, move home and help them financially, or I'd get a new place with them. If that makes me single and sexless til they die, then so be it.

 

They were there for me when things went terribly bad for me...things beyond my control (the post dotcom recession). It's why I will never embrace the idea of "out when you're 18" and I will see it as a foolish venture unless the average 18 year old can afford to live on their own with one job and going to school at night.

[Ross PK]

I'd like to add that often the stereotype of men who live at home seems to be true. A sloppy, uneducated, lazy, can't keep a job, plays video games all night, sleeps till noon kind of guy.

 

That's me down to a T.