V.Vixen Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It seems that every guy I end up talking to, who is in his mid-late twenties, still lives with his PARENTS! I know NJ is an expensive state, i get that. I also get that sometimes it is harder for guys to detach from their parents than it is for women. But come ON, am I unreasonable for not wanting to date someone who still lives at home (barring unusual/emergency circumstances, of course)? Am I asking too much here? I feel like a guy who still lives with his parents and I will not be able to relate to each other, especially since I haven't lived at home since age 18.
carhill Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I happily lived with my parents until I saved enough to buy my first house at 25. I'm now a multiple homeowner. Everyone has their own reasons for what they do. I would suggest judging them by how they treat you rather than their living circumstances.
Author V.Vixen Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I happily lived with my parents until I saved enough to buy my first house at 25. I'm now a multiple homeowner. Everyone has their own reasons for what they do. I would suggest judging them by how they treat you rather than their living circumstances. Until 25, and able to buy a house upon moving is completely different, IMO. these are 26/27 year old with no big plans.. or maybe plans of renting an apartment next year.
2sure Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 You know, things are so different these days with money , mortgages, unknown futures. Depending on the circumstance, it might be a good thing. If a man has solid plans, and is being practical, biding his time, saving his money - thats good. If a man is helping to take care of his parents - that cannot be held against him. But if he has no ambition, no plans, is just feeding off the patience of his folks - thats gross. I'll tell you whats worse: A man in his 30s and 40s with no good reason to live with his parents. Frightening. My husband lived with his mom until he was 35! So did his brother. To be fair, my husband travelled every week for his job so he wasnt home. And his father was deceased, so his mom could use the help...lol. still strange and I pick on him about it. When he finally moved out, he bought a beautiful home of his own.
tincanman99 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Everyone has their own agenda. Some people stay at home to save cash. If you are in NJ you know that an apartment can easily be 1500/month+. I am in NJ so I can comment directly - its very expensive. Its purely a financial decision. Others do it for whatever reason. I owned my own house till February 2008 and sold it to get out of the real estate market before it cratered. I did not buy at the peak so I did really well. Since than I have been living with my brother and socking away the money. I am planning on rebuying this year now that prices are a lot lower. If a woman cannot understand the finances of this, than I dont know what to tell you.
lovestruck818 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It seems that every guy I end up talking to, who is in his mid-late twenties, still lives with his PARENTS! I know NJ is an expensive state, i get that. I also get that sometimes it is harder for guys to detach from their parents than it is for women. But come ON, am I unreasonable for not wanting to date someone who still lives at home (barring unusual/emergency circumstances, of course)? Am I asking too much here? I feel like a guy who still lives with his parents and I will not be able to relate to each other, especially since I haven't lived at home since age 18. It is very uncommon to move out @ 18 though, so you have to realise u are not the norm in this part of the country...most go to college, live at home for a bit, and then move out...in this part of the country anyway. I'm in NYC area. It's very common to be at home. I was at home til 26.
Author V.Vixen Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Ok, so I see that I AM in the minority here. I am ok with that, and was just wondering what others thought. I am not saying that he should have been on his own since 18 or anything. I just really think by 26 or 27 you should be established enough to have your own place, unless, of course, you are taking care of parents or have recently gone through something life changing or something.
Bells Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Ok, so I see that I AM in the minority here. I am ok with that, and was just wondering what others thought. I am not saying that he should have been on his own since 18 or anything. I just really think by 26 or 27 you should be established enough to have your own place, unless, of course, you are taking care of parents or have recently gone through something life changing or something. yeah, but...due to the recession, that may not be possible anymore with all the lay offs and such.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It seems that every guy I end up talking to, who is in his mid-late twenties, still lives with his PARENTS! I know NJ is an expensive state, i get that. I also get that sometimes it is harder for guys to detach from their parents than it is for women. But come ON, am I unreasonable for not wanting to date someone who still lives at home (barring unusual/emergency circumstances, of course)? Am I asking too much here? I feel like a guy who still lives with his parents and I will not be able to relate to each other, especially since I haven't lived at home since age 18. Areas such as NJ are more costly versus others so it all depends really. Personally, I do not see view it as a negative when it's for financial reasons (i.e. saving money to purchase a house, etc.). If he's busting his tail off trying to save money, etc., towards a goal such as buying a house, then that would be a positive not a negative. If it's for other reasons aside from that, then yes, I'd have my reservations.
carhill Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 OP, can't say you're in the "minority", but rather that these things are so variable that it is hard to assign concrete descriptors/motives for them. The main reason I was able to buy a home at 25 and start my own business at 28 and become a landlord was because I was focused on my achievements rather than having a girlfriend. Hence, I likely would've been poor BF material anyway. Another man in the same circumstances and having stayed at home the same amount or longer could be great BF material. We're all individuals. I think, if you focus on the man's maturity level within his life and the relationship, you'll find your truth
You'reasian Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It seems that every guy I end up talking to, who is in his mid-late twenties, still lives with his PARENTS! I know NJ is an expensive state, i get that. I also get that sometimes it is harder for guys to detach from their parents than it is for women. But come ON, am I unreasonable for not wanting to date someone who still lives at home (barring unusual/emergency circumstances, of course)? Am I asking too much here? I feel like a guy who still lives with his parents and I will not be able to relate to each other, especially since I haven't lived at home since age 18. State of the economy and sign of the times, my friend. Unemployment rate is high. Younger, single males (and females) are more likely to be unemployed at this time. added to it that savings rate for single males under 30 is low. They haven't started accquiring savings/investments in preparation for getting their own home. They may rent, but in some regions rent is too high (west coast, New England etc). Add to it cultural norms. Those who come from Asian/Latin American households are more likely to stay with the parents until they get married. I moved out when I was 18 as well.
kizik Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It's quite unattractive for guys to live with their parents. They need to show some balls and initiative and get the f out of the house. I would NOT say this is common, and if I were a chick I would NEVER date a guy who still lived at home.
hotdancer2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Yeah, I agree. That's why I date older men :-)
MN randomguy Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Oh, man! If I was at home 'til 26 I would have done myself in. Why wouldn't you get some guys together and rent a house or something.
johan Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Ok, so I see that I AM in the minority here. Maybe, but it doesn't make you wrong. At the very least you can account for it as a preference: you prefer guys who don't live with their parents. For relationship reasons. But on the other hand why shouldn't you want a guy who has cut the ties and gone and made his own life? It may not be true in all cases, but in many the guy not only hasn't cut the ties, but is still not even able to function as an adult. How many checks for spending money are his parents turning over? Are they paying to have his car fixed? Does he have chores? I think it's good to take it case by case. Keep an open mind and be understanding. But I also think it will be unusual to find cases where the guy actually has his act together. I mean who can't at least afford an apartment?
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I'm in California. I only know ONE person who lives at home with their parents: a 35 year old male who broke up with his live-in girlfriend 2 weeks ago and had nowhere else to go but his mom's house. He's set to move in to his new place on February 1st. Everyone else moved out - and stayed out - by 20. Most went away to college and never moved back in with the 'rents after school. Recession aside, if you can't even get a job to afford rent and you're a grown adult, you have some serious problems. But I highly value independence. As a side note, I remember seeing some "True Life" episode on MTV a few years ago having to do with the Jersey Shore. All the girls on the show were trying to make something of themselves, whereas the men were typical momma's boys, all in their 20's and still living at home. However, I chalked that up to their Italian upbringing. In Italy, it's actually expected that a male live at home until he gets married.
BoooredGuy Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I live in the States, and I'm well into 27 and live at home... Graduated college, and moved back home. Began working. Began maximizing retirement accounts and plowed 90% of net into investments. Bought a brand new home at 24 with a huge down payment; rented it out. Began post-graduate work at 25 part-time at night. My eye is on commercial property next. Today, I have years of prof. work experience, educated, a landlord, and sitting on a very nice nest egg, and have many more goals until 30-32 years of age. Retiring early will be an option, and a career change will probably happen by the time I hit 30. Either way, I'll have options with my life. I'll move out when I get married, but for me, a lot of it is cultural. It seems that Westerners are pretty concerned with living on their own. I live & work here because of the opportunity, but I know many who live at home. I can understand if someone is being lazy and not doing anything, but living at home is pretty common outside of N. America. My cousin in Europe just got married at 30, and her husband is 35. They lived at home until they married. Nothing unusual about that, but in Western society it's frowned upon for some reason. I'm sorry, but I never really understood that mentality. And no, I'm not Italian either.
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 BG - So... in other words, you are using your parents. You have the ability to live on your own, but you choose not to.
Author V.Vixen Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I noticed this trend long before the recession. Weird thing is that I meet these 'men' in all different places and ways. I figure that if I, a middle class single woman (without a degree, mind you), can afford to live on my own comfortably, it shouldn't be that rare in a man. I often assume that they are relying on their parents for other things that they probably shouldn't at 27 years old. Again, just my observation and opinion. I hate to make a blanket statement about everyone doing a certain thing, but it's a mindset I have trouble breaking. I mean, getting a room mate is also an option. I have no qualms with that!
Author V.Vixen Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I live in the States, and I'm well into 27 and live at home... Graduated college, and moved back home. Began working. Began maximizing retirement accounts and plowed 90% of net into investments. Bought a brand new home at 24 with a huge down payment; rented it out. Began post-graduate work at 25 part-time at night. My eye is on commercial property next. Today, I have years of prof. work experience, educated, a landlord, and sitting on a very nice nest egg, and have many more goals until 30-32 years of age. Retiring early will be an option, and a career change will probably happen by the time I hit 30. Either way, I'll have options with my life. I'll move out when I get married, but for me, a lot of it is cultural. It seems that Westerners are pretty concerned with living on their own. I live & work here because of the opportunity, but I know many who live at home. I can understand if someone is being lazy and not doing anything, but living at home is pretty common outside of N. America. My cousin in Europe just got married at 30, and her husband is 35. They lived at home until they married. Nothing unusual about that, but in Western society it's frowned upon for some reason. I'm sorry, but I never really understood that mentality. And no, I'm not Italian either. Interesting.. I think a LOT of it is cultural. Being able to have lots of money and own property is great. To me, it is more about the experience. I am just not close enough to my parents that I would want to live with them if I didn't have to. I like to visit them and call them on the phone... that's about it.
BoooredGuy Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 BG - So... in other words, you are using your parents. You have the ability to live on your own, but you choose not to. Hmm, your assessment is actually quite cynical. It's actually the opposite. I spend more time with my family than with friends. I shop and run errands on behalf of my parents, I tutor my young sister some evenings, I deliver groceries to my younger brother who is in medical school, and I spend many weekends lending my dad a hand on projects he has lined up. I can go on with examples, but family comes first. Living at home is what you do before you marry in my culture (like many non-Western cultures). Moving out, regardless if you can afford it or not, is a non-issue. It would actually be cheaper for me to move out and live close to work as I commute about 2.5 hours each day round trip. On days I have class, I commute well over 3 hours in one day. It's hard to explain culture in words, but, my culture isn't unique either. Certain aspects are unique, but I completley understand an immigrant of most nations upon meeting them. With Americans though, it's much tougher. I know MANY men and women, of varying nationalities, that live at home for cultural reasons, and some are highly paid professionals. Having the means to pay for your own living isn't what it's about.
griffinchicken53 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 i'm currently 29 and still at home, but i've had some medical issues. i guess i got in a comfort zone before that. Too many creature comforts. i've been doing my own laundry since high school, helping cut the yard since i was 10. after i got done with college (should have gotten more education) i was 20. I wasn't pressured to leave, I had my truck paid for, bought and paid for a motorcycle, and i was restoring a car in my parent's garage. I was paying rent, but i didn't really want an apartment, wanted a house, but kept putting off the decision to follow through. i started having some medical issues when i was 26, having trouble sleeping, then had trouble waking up. ended up getting fired, then started having seizures a few months later. I had a lot of money i cashed out of my 401k, but it went to my medical hospital bills, had to sell my motorcycle. been trying to find work, but most places see the word seizure and they pass me by. i went a year with no seizures, then started having more in 2007. so my insurance that only covers hospitalization is 200 a month, the medicine i have to take is 350 a month, then where i had to live off my credit cards. I have alot of debt, and 550 a month comes off the top of whatever i make, which won't be alot. so with the other debt, i'm still going to have to be borrowing money from my parents and don't see moving out soon i've given up on dating, who would want a damaged guy like me?
BobSacamento Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I'm not speaking for all the guys who still live with their parents but let me just say - it's a nightmare. Don't assume we are enjoying it. Sometimes when the student loans come rolling in you have to pinch some pennies.
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