BaD_Day Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 This girl and me have been hanging out for a bit lately (not dating, just hanging out)... and 3 weeks ago she asked if we should go out and eat on my birthday... I happily said yes. a few days before my birthday she canceled on me and said to do it another time... she had work on that day. OK, understandable, no problem there. She left me with the message "I can't do it this week, we can do it next week on ____ day"... ok understandable, no biggie, a little ticked off but it's not a big deal. The day right after my birthday, I went to a party... BAM, she's right there, turned out the little brother invited her and the big brother invited me. Surprise? yeah, good surprise? no... I basically got stood up IMO for this party, I understand if she messed up her schedule and couldn't cancel on the party, but she could have at least told me, and I don't think it was fair for me to find out that way... And I'm sure as hell that little party wasn't planed 3 weeks before... I think she felt bad (and embarrassed) that I found out, and she should be. She did/say some stuff to me that was abnormal (not sure if it's an apologetic gesture, but I'm sure she wasn't too comfortable with me being there, but I wasn't gonna walk out, if she feels bad, GOOD, because I felt 10X worst than she was while trying to keep a happy face). The "meal together" is coming up, and I really really like to stood her up just for the shake of it... but somehow that just seems wrong. what do you all think about this?
Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Your plans with her to go out to eat were for your birthday. She couldn't because she had to work that day - your birthday. She offered an alternative date, a sign of interest. The day AFTER your birthday, you saw her at the party. Not ON your birthday (the day she had to cancel), but another day. She did nothing wrong here.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 So you are mad because she put off your date for a few weeks, then showed up at a party that she didn't invite you to, but should have? Alright I can see why you feel a little jaded, but she hadn't made plans with you on that night and then said she couldn't come in order to go to the party. I agree with SG that she didn't really do anything wrong, and I would NOT stand her up on your date just to spite her. That's immature and dumb. I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt and see her again. If the canceling/rescheduling becomes a pattern then address it then.
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Are you romantically interested in her? If so, why is she making all the moves?
Author BaD_Day Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I just thought that since we agreed weeks before, then if she can't do it on my birthday (totally understandable for many reasons), then any other day is fine with me, I'm just a little ticked because this party is one of those last minute thing (possibly just about 1 week before), and I basically got replaced. And I'm still ok with that, just because there are many reasons, but at least let me know, I don't care if she make up some stupid excuses, but don't be like "oh I can't make it because I'm busy this whole week" then turn around and party it up somewhere else... I don't know, some how it just doesn't feel right. Alright, I'm done ranting, just needed some opinions on the subject.
Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 How did you get replaced? Your plans were for the day of your birthday. The party was NOT on your birthday. I just don't see how you feel that you got replaced...
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It's okay for her to have a life outside of your birthday. Really! Try to think about it this way: Boy and girl aren't dating or in a relationship. This is an important fact! 3 weeks ago: She invites you out for your birthday. B-day minus a couple of days: She has to work on your bday. Rescheds for a week afterwards since she already has plans, such as with this party. For the sake of argument, is it possible she didn't invite you because she wanted one on one time with you, to make you feel special for your bday? B-day + 1 day: You see her at this party, which was one of her plans.
Star Gazer Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It's okay for her to have a life outside of your birthday. Really! That's what I've been thinking...
BCCA Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 One time, I had a date flake out on me, and say she to do some family dinner or something. THAT NIGHT I run into her at a bar. Thats very different from your story. If it was the next day after she postponed, she never said she was working the next two days, and really isnt obligated to provide you with a detailed schedule. She offered another date since she was working on your b-day, you agreed, thats that. Perhaps she put it off another week to make it something to look forward to. I usually ask people out at least 4-5 days in advance to give them something to think about. I think its a non issue that youre reading too much into.
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 That's what I've been thinking... The two aren't even friends, just hanging around, nvm dating or in a relationship. If he wants more from her, he should ask her out. To let her make all the moves, then get mad at her because she went out on a different day, isn't very reasonable.
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I do agree, she doesn't have to tell me, but since she asked, I thought it'll be "normal" that she takes care of it ASAP, I mean, if I was to ask someone for their time, it'll be appropriate that if I canceled on them, then I'll make sure to cover it ASAP (that's how I work, and it's pretty normal to me). And I'm not sure if there's any "moves" here, it's just friendly lunch/dinner or w/e... I view this situation as like waiting in line for check out (because I feel like lunch/dinner and the small party where we sit around and eat dinner is pretty similar). And if I'm in line before, then I should get check out before. That's all. I'm not mad, just a little ticked off, and I just need to vent a little to get over it. I was actually willing to drop the party if she asked me to go with her, just for 1 reason and that's because she asked 1st, nothing else. And I think we're friends (I think haha), who knows. Do friends call each other at 1AM? She was upset about some small thing and she called me at 1AM... I calmed her down but reminded her it was 1AM, don't ever call me at 1AM, i'm sleeping haha.
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I do agree, she doesn't have to tell me, but since she asked, I thought it'll be "normal" that she takes care of it ASAP, I mean, if I was to ask someone for their time, it'll be appropriate that if I canceled on them, then I'll make sure to cover it ASAP (that's how I work, and it's pretty normal to me). I view this situation as like waiting in line for check out (because I feel like lunch/dinner and the small party where we sit around and eat dinner is pretty similar). And if I'm in line before, then I should get check out before. That's all. I'm not mad, just a little ticked off, and I just need to vent a little to get over it. This is where your reasoning is faulty and highly unreasonable. She's not a check-out stand. She's a human being with a life outside of getting to know you, and that life likely involves other commitments and plans - including the party. I was actually willing to drop the party if she asked me to go with her, just for 1 reason and that's because she asked 1st, nothing else. That's just... silly.
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 In response to your comments: First, I agree with you - standing her up would be wrong. If you feel that strongly about what happened, tell her that you'll take a pass on lunch. Don't stand her up because you feel that she did it to you, though; it's very childish, and regardless of who started it, you'll come out looking like the bad guy. Secondly, as others have mentioned, you're just friends. She doesn't owe you anything. You sound as though you think she canceled just for the purpose of annoying you, and that's quite probably not the case. When she said she's busy this week, it didn't mean that she was claiming to be busy every waking minute. Did she have other plans? Yep. That's what having a life is all about. As she did invite you to lunch, it is respectful of her to take you out in a reasonable time. ASAP is not reasonable. If she can't take you out until a week Saturday, that's life. You're right in that she went to the party without inviting you. Then again, you're just as guilty - you didn't invite her, either. My guess is that any reactions on her part were due to visual and verbal cues you gave that implied she had hurt you. She probably felt bad that you felt bad, not that she went without you. I'd consider the whole party issue a wash, if I were you. And to answer your question, yes, I have been called by friends at 0100. I've also been called numerous times between 0200-0400, woken by people needing a rational, intelligent voice or an emergency favour. How rational and intelligent I can be at zero-dark-thirty when I have just been woken up is another matter, but I do what I can. I wouldn't say you got stood up for the party. My advice is to think it over for a day or two. If it's still that big a deal, lose her as a friend. Every time you see her, it'll weigh on you. If it isn't a big deal (which, personally I don't think it is), then let it slide, go home, watch a movie and drink a beer, call her the next day to reschedule the lunch, and get on with life.
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 This is where your reasoning is faulty and highly unreasonable. She's not a check-out stand. She's a human being with a life outside of getting to know you, and that life likely involves other commitments and plans - including the party. That's just... silly. Well, we know it's not check out standard, I'm just trying to make things less complicated. And I stand by my reasoning, I don't expect her to do the same as I would do, but I'm just saying that's the way I work. The party and lunch with her is indifference to me, it's just gonna be eating with people. I don't gain anything or lose anything by attending either one, and which ever came first will get first priority. Now I'm not saying that it should apply to her, because everyone is different. But that's how I view things.
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 In response to your comments: First, I agree with you - standing her up would be wrong. If you feel that strongly about what happened, tell her that you'll take a pass on lunch. Don't stand her up because you feel that she did it to you, though; it's very childish, and regardless of who started it, you'll come out looking like the bad guy. Secondly, as others have mentioned, you're just friends. She doesn't owe you anything. You sound as though you think she canceled just for the purpose of annoying you, and that's quite probably not the case. When she said she's busy this week, it didn't mean that she was claiming to be busy every waking minute. Did she have other plans? Yep. That's what having a life is all about. As she did invite you to lunch, it is respectful of her to take you out in a reasonable time. ASAP is not reasonable. If she can't take you out until a week Saturday, that's life. You're right in that she went to the party without inviting you. Then again, you're just as guilty - you didn't invite her, either. My guess is that any reactions on her part were due to visual and verbal cues you gave that implied she had hurt you. She probably felt bad that you felt bad, not that she went without you. I'd consider the whole party issue a wash, if I were you. And to answer your question, yes, I have been called by friends at 0100. I've also been called numerous times between 0200-0400, woken by people needing a rational, intelligent voice or an emergency favour. How rational and intelligent I can be at zero-dark-thirty when I have just been woken up is another matter, but I do what I can. I wouldn't say you got stood up for the party. My advice is to think it over for a day or two. If it's still that big a deal, lose her as a friend. Every time you see her, it'll weigh on you. If it isn't a big deal (which, personally I don't think it is), then let it slide, go home, watch a movie and drink a beer, call her the next day to reschedule the lunch, and get on with life. I don't think it's a big deal, I'm just a little annoyed by the whole thing. from now on I'll just be a little more cautious when there's arranged time with her.
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 That's just... silly. And I don't think it's silly, it's just a sequence of taking care of things. But then to me, those things are equal, but to her, it's probably not. And I think i figured out why I was annoyed, haha, I was annoyed because I believe she thinks the party is more important than me... it's probably the truth, and I probably shouldn't be upset about it, but hey, I'm still a guy, if a girl thinks something is more important than me, I get worked up haha.
JohnnyBlaze Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 I'm guessing this just happened within the last few days? We do tend to take things like this rather personally at first, don't we? I know exactly how that feels!!
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I don't think she did anything wrong. You feel she should have rescheduled your b-day dinner as soon as possible, which means if she had a party to go to, she should forgo doing that to reschedule. I think you should forget the whole thing and do her a favor because if you start dating, you are going to get frustrated over the littlest of things, even when she doesn't do anything wrong. If she had made plans to go to a party and was invited by another "friend" (the younger brother, whether there's romantic interest there or completely platonic friendship), she didn't want to let her other friend down when she had already said "yes" to the party, or maybe she just didn't want to miss out on a party she had already planned on going before she found out she had to work on your birtday. There is no reason to think that your birthday lunch was more important to her than the party. I also agree with another poster - why didn't you invite her to the party, too? It's not rocket science "Hey XXX (insert name here), I'm going to this party and if you're free, why don't you come along, it'll be fun?" As another poster has stated, she seems to be making all the moves here. also, you two are not dating so she very possibly could be dating other guys and this brother who invited her to the party is possibly a romantic interest to her, too, who knows? OR he is a friend who is no more important to her than youare. You are very egoistic to think that you should be more important to her than any other friends she has. I won't say what else I think because it would be inappropriate. you can say it, I don't mind, I already know I have a huge ego... it's part of my personality, not an attractive one, but I know about it quite well haha. It's a guy thing IMO. But like I said, people normally thinks that other thinks like them (it's true, no point denying this since they have studies about this). and for me, I've always think in a straight line, if everything is the same (indifference), then the 1st thing gets done 1st. I think people are missing the point, I never said my lunch is more important than the party, I said if all things are the same, then the 1st thing should get done 1st. Therefore by that logic, my lunch is LESS important than the party. And I've stated that in the earlier post.
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I'm guessing this just happened within the last few days? We do tend to take things like this rather personally at first, don't we? I know exactly how that feels!! best thing said in this thread haha... I get upset for a bit and then it's over... I don't really drill on things too much. The perk of having bad memory.
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 OK I am also confused, because she planned a birthday LUNCH for you which, in my opinion, usually takes place during the day, not the evening, like a PARTY? So you saw her at an EVENING event but you had planned a birthday LUNCH with her a week later..... This is confusing to me how the two events relate at all, sorry. the party was from 2-late night, so technically it's kindda like lunch... and she has to get ready (you know how girls are), it probably takes hours, these chicks takes hours to do hair, get dress up and stuff like that. No way she could go to both on the same day, lunch is probably like 2 hours max, but with the time to get ready, then go back home to brush up... it's probably not gonna be enough time. And another petpeeves of mine, I don't let friends tag along for parties, if I'm invited I go alone, I hate to be responsible for other people if they go wanko at a party.
Author BaD_Day Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 Well good luck with this, and if you are still interested, don't bring this up, let it go and just have fun on the post birthday meal! she did call me up right after she woke up on my birthday and wish me happy birthday, I thought that was a nice gesture, I was quite amused because she sounded all sleepy at 8AM in the morning. Not sure if that's a "move"? haha, I'm kindda careless and clueless when people starts to talk about "moves", I can't detect one if it hit me right in the face.
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