why would an ex boyfriend call me at 12 am CRYING about his current girlfriend?

[serendipity_2008]

He broke up with me about 2 in a half months ago. I was so hurt and he was a total d*ck about the whole thing. He told me to never call or speak to him again, yet he continued to call me the entire time. There were even times were he called me to tell me that I had better not be dating other guys or he called me to tell me how much he spent on his current gf etc.

 

Any who he called me this morning at 12am crying like a complete baby. He could barely get his words out. He told me how he was very sorry for how he treated me. Now most of his call consisted of him talking about how the new girlfriend dumped him and how he wants her back and is so upset.

 

He talked about how he had not ate in 3 days or even slept because he was so upset. I am just very confused as to why he'd call his Ex of all people. Especially after treating me so badly during the initial break up. He says that he is so in love with this girl but they've only been together for about 3 months and during that entire time he has called me. He also apologized for being a total D*ck etc. I mean he went from the very beginning to the end about our relationship and why he broke up with me etc.

 

What's going on here? Am I reading into this too much? I just think it's odd that he'd contact ME?

 

i just want to also say that he hasn't dated the new girl for even 6 months and 2 wks ago he was asking me to go back out with him. During the entire time he was w/ her he called me. We never had sex bc I am a virgin and he knows that I am very moral so there's no chance of a fwb relationship.

 

i am just confused as to why he was calling me etc. but then claims to be so in love w/ her. Not too long ago he called me saying they were just "fwbs."

[EmperorR]

Should have hung up that's disrespectful. So he dumps you goes with another girl, and then experiences what you did couldn't eat feeling like crap, and has the nerve to call you?

[Eyeofthoth]

It looks to me like he was just trying to apologize because he finally realizes that what he did to you really, really hurts.

 

People rarely understand this until they experience it themselves.

 

Also, frankly, and meaning no disrepect to your choices at all, young guys really feel a powerful need for sex. So no doubt that is what he went looking for, that is what he found, and then probably he realized that love is more important, and now he loves both the girl who left him and you. But he also still wants sex so that is why he wants the other girl back.

 

??????????????

 

IDK

 

It was really disrespectful for him to call you and cry about his problems with her though, even if he was trying to apologize.

[starzphalling]

"welcome to my world" /click

 

...oops i think im angry today, i would have been like ohhhh im soooo sorry you wanna meet somewhere to talk about it, then i would have slapped him . yup definately angry today lol.

 

i think he's getting a taste of what it feels like, and is scared of being alone. i wouldn't invest much into this, he's got the breakup crazies.

[carhill]

OP, he's FOS. Don't believe a word of it. Was he slurring his words?

 

Answering machines/VM was invented for these kinds of calls. Make use of it. Personally, I just shut off our ringers every night. No one disturbs my sleep

[serendipity_2008]

i am sure he wasn't drunk. I am just surprised that he was crying like a baby.

[serendipity_2008]

You know although it's been a few days. I am still confused about all of this. The reason I am is because I thought about some thing that happened about a month ago and he was asking me to go out with him. At that time i mentioned the new girl and he said that they were just 'friends." He then said that he got his own place and own vehicle and talked about how he didn't love her, but why did he call me all last week crying about how he loved her etc.

 

I am new to relationships and have been doing some research online about what I am going through and surprisingly this is not a new thing. I see other women have gone through it too. It's so confusing being with someone like this.

[Trimmer]

Here's what you need to know about him:

I was so hurt and he was a total d*ck about the whole thing. He told me to never call or speak to him again, yet he continued to call me the entire time. There were even times were he called me to tell me that I had better not be dating other guys or he called me to tell me how much he spent on his current gf etc.

So he had already showed you immense disrespect as a human being and a complete lack of empathy, and also demonstrated his inability to understand how basic, mature relationship interactions work. Look, everyone has moments of glory and honor when the chips are down. You want to see what someone is really made of? How did he act when he was in a position of power? (e.g. when he was the one initiating your breakup...)

 

What's going on here? Am I reading into this too much? I just think it's odd that he'd contact ME?

Yes, totally odd and confusing, and it doesn't make sense. But don't bother trying to read meaning into this, because it sounds like your best bet is to get away from him. How honorable and stable is the boyfriend that does this:

During the entire time he was w/ her he called me.

 

i am just confused as to why he was calling me etc. but then claims to be so in love w/ her. Not too long ago he called me saying they were just "fwbs."

He can't even figure himself out, don't you take that burden upon yourself. As someone pointed out above, caller-ID and voicemail are your friends here.

 

It looks to me like he was just trying to apologize because he finally realizes that what he did to you really, really hurts.

I can't buy into this. I suppose it's possible, but if he suddenly developed empathy for the OP, and was truly apologizing in that context, he would have had some clue that calling her at midnight, and sobbing about how much he luuuuuved the new GF, and wanted her back, would have just hurt the OP more. No, I don't think he has somehow, overnight, developed a deep empathy and understanding of her pain.

 

I think it more likely that he was sobbing for himself, out of his self-centered pain - not that this is totally unexpected of young people (I assume, from the description of the sexual dynamics...)

 

Not that it's totally impossible, but I think it highly unlikely that after a consistent history of clumsy, disrespectful behavior, a breakup SUDDENLY made him see the light and he's now apologetic from a place of empathy and understanding. I think it much more likely that the breakup jolted him into self-centered grief, and his disrespectful nature didn't STOP him from reaching out to the OP and causing her even MORE pain and anguish.

 

Isn't the latter explanation more consistent with his past behavior, as described by the OP?

[DSM-IV Tom]

It has already gotten old diagnosing people with psychological disorders...

 

Let's just say he's psycho, okay? Save me the trouble of specifics. Research the DSM-IV on your own. Cluster A-B personality disorders.

[msjules]

I have a masters degree in social work and I agree with Tom. MY diagnosis? Your ex is nuttier than a fruitcake. Stay as far away from his narcissistic @$$ as you can.

[gopher]

How old is this guy? He sounds extremely immature.

[selena_cat]

"welcome to my world" /click

 

...oops i think im angry today, i would have been like ohhhh im soooo sorry you wanna meet somewhere to talk about it, then i would have slapped him . yup definately angry today lol.

 

i think he's getting a taste of what it feels like, and is scared of being alone. i wouldn't invest much into this, he's got the breakup crazies.

 

 

Lol, This is the mist hilarious response i've ever read. i'm sorry Star, not teasing you,and u shouldnt be angry b/c u made someone laugh. That is such a great idea-hope everyone in LS takes heed.

When an ex dumps you & start crying about his current,ask to meet with him and slap his @$$ down!

[Geishawhelk]

I was going to say he's an immature mamma's boy.... he's lost his toy and he wants his mummy, and thinks, like a whingeing 5-year old, that it's ok to get sympathy hugs and cuddles from the very person he kicked in the shins not five minutes earlier.

 

Metaphorically speaking.

[serendipity_2008]

How old is this guy? He sounds extremely immature.

 

He is only 20. The girl he dumped me for was 25 and his mom had a huge problem with me because I was African American. Yet I am in college and attempting to do something for myself. However the 25 yr. old girl is a pill popper and bar hopper and his mom let her mom in and they were only together for 2 months. I just don't understand. I think I need to start making some better decisions. I am just still hurt by this because it's my first real relationship.

[serendipity_2008]

I was going to say he's an immature mamma's boy.... he's lost his toy and he wants his mummy, and thinks, like a whingeing 5-year old, that it's ok to get sympathy hugs and cuddles from the very person he kicked in the shins not five minutes earlier.

 

Metaphorically speaking.

 

Geishawhelk one thing I love about your posts is your bluntness, but you see the reason I am confused by all of this is because while he was with her he continued to call me. I am young and don't know much about true love, but I know that if I found the man of my dreams I wouldn't be calling my ex. Now I know I was a dumb idiot for accepting calls, but I was very very heartbroken. Then on top of that just a month ago while he was with her, he asked if we could get back together, and i told him he'd have to work for it. I guess he didn't like that answer and I didn't hear from him a while. Whenever I would mention all the things he said to me while he was with the other girl... he just says that he was "playing" and was messing with me. I am not used to things being so in between. I have always been the type of person who is sees things very logically. It's either black or white... A or B.... but with him nothing makes sense. He even called me while we were apart to tell me that he lost his virginity to the 25 yr. old...that just made my day......:sick::sick:

[Ariadne]

why would an ex boyfriend call me at 12 am CRYING about his current girlfriend?

 

Because some guys just need Mom.

[serendipity_2008]

why would an ex boyfriend call me at 12 am CRYING about his current girlfriend?

 

Because some guys just need Mom.

 

Oh wow i guess i am a mother figure now......

[serendipity_2008]

Here's what you need to know about him:

 

So he had already showed you immense disrespect as a human being and a complete lack of empathy, and also demonstrated his inability to understand how basic, mature relationship interactions work. Look, everyone has moments of glory and honor when the chips are down. You want to see what someone is really made of? How did he act when he was in a position of power? (e.g. when he was the one initiating your breakup...)

 

 

Yes, totally odd and confusing, and it doesn't make sense. But don't bother trying to read meaning into this, because it sounds like your best bet is to get away from him. How honorable and stable is the boyfriend that does this:

 

 

 

He can't even figure himself out, don't you take that burden upon yourself. As someone pointed out above, caller-ID and voicemail are your friends here.

 

 

I can't buy into this. I suppose it's possible, but if he suddenly developed empathy for the OP, and was truly apologizing in that context, he would have had some clue that calling her at midnight, and sobbing about how much he luuuuuved the new GF, and wanted her back, would have just hurt the OP more. No, I don't think he has somehow, overnight, developed a deep empathy and understanding of her pain.

 

I think it more likely that he was sobbing for himself, out of his self-centered pain - not that this is totally unexpected of young people (I assume, from the description of the sexual dynamics...)

 

Not that it's totally impossible, but I think it highly unlikely that after a consistent history of clumsy, disrespectful behavior, a breakup SUDDENLY made him see the light and he's now apologetic from a place of empathy and understanding. I think it much more likely that the breakup jolted him into self-centered grief, and his disrespectful nature didn't STOP him from reaching out to the OP and causing her even MORE pain and anguish.

 

Isn't the latter explanation more consistent with his past behavior, as described by the OP?

 

this is a really really good answer. you basically analyzed the entire situation in a few paragraphs. Do you think that a person who acts like this will ever change. Is it at all possible?