Citizen Erased Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Okay so not so sure if this will come out as more of a vent or what, we'll see where this takes us... For those that don't know, I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, both early 20's. We just recently moved into an apartment together (renting). Anyway so it's only been about a month and a half and it seems like I am being attacked on all fronts. First my mum and grandmother asking when we're going to get married. Then my boyfriend suggesting we buy a car together. Then Christmas, being asked by another bunch of relatives on when we're getting married. Being asked the same thing by numerous colleagues at our staff Christmas Party. Boyfriend continues to push car idea as well as bringing up us buying our own place. Okay so lucky there aren't a few CE shaped holes in walls around from me dashing the heck out of there. I am just so not ready for any of that. Listen to me, I still speak like a 15 year old sometimes. Buying cars together, houses, marriage etc. Then comes babies...oh God babies. Then there is the question of why is HE not freaking out? 21 year old males DO NOT want to commit to their High School girlfriends. If anything I was expecting him to start getting restless and wanting out, to go out clubbing and screwing many, many females. Instead he just shrugs when people ask or he makes little comments about when we get married, when we have kids etc. And he wants a mortgage...next it will be catching him looking at ring catalogues or something. Oh dear God I hope not. As far as I am concerned, I have committed to our relationship as much as I can for a long time. I haven't done anything I wanted in my life, things are starting to go back on track to where it should have been after I left home at 18 unexpectedly. I am applying for Uni this year (to start again next year - long story) and was considering using a bonus I will be receiving from work to go to either the UK or US at the end of year before I start doing Uni part time as well as my full time job, just for a month or so. All things I will be doing very much so by myself. This is not about wanting to break it off, I wouldn't have moved into this place with him if I did. I just need a way to slow things down. I keep seeing girls I went to school with, so many are either married with kids, pregnant and married or engaged. They were so happy to have their kids or when their husbands/fiances asked them to marry them. I would be horrified if either happened to me. And in almost all cases I've been with him for longer than they were with theirs. I just can't help feeling like we have an expiry date, you know? That sounds awful but I'm afraid it will get to the point where he will want more from me than I am willing to give and it ends up either I give in or he leaves. The things one will ponder in the early hours of the morning...
Author Citizen Erased Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 As for people pushing you about marriage, they are WAY out of line. But, hon, you have been with your BF for 4 years. He is going to have some expectations, and I can't say I blame him. Maybe if you explain to him that, though you are happy with him, you just need some time living together before you make more big life changes. A month and a half of living together isn't long enough to know if you two can truly cohabitate for the long haul. Oh, we've actually lived together since early 2006. I left home and moved in with his parents - long story. Should have mentioned that. I can see what you're saying about 4 years but to me at our age it could be double that and I think I'd still feel the same.
johan Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 The problem is that he's not American. I'm surprised you need to be told this. You should trust your instincts. I think the years from 20 to 25, even up to 30 are the years when you start figuring out what you want from life and who you really want to be. Getting married too young is risky, because your priorities will change and/or his will. I'm sure you've heard this 1000 times.
Author Citizen Erased Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 The problem is that he's not American. I'm surprised you need to be told this. You should trust your instincts. I think the years from 20 to 25, even up to 30 are the years when you start figuring out what you want from life and who you really want to be. Getting married too young is risky, because your priorities will change and/or his will. I'm sure you've heard this 1000 times. So I should dump him and find the American I am closest with hmn? I just don't know what my instincts are telling me, I am all over the place in case you couldn't tell. I know marrying young is risky, how can you possibly know at my age that you want to be with that one person for the rest of your life? The obvious answer is that you probably won't be and haven't yet met the person you will eventually end up with. Do you think your boyfriend is tryihg to sponge off you by buying a car together because you are currently more successful financially? Don't buy a car together because then if you DO happen to break up, he has claim to the car. If he wants a car, let him buy his own car. Salary wise we are about even, I am on a higher salary but not by much. And he has a car. I don't drive because I work in the city and it's easier to do it via public transport. I have no clue about why he wants to get a car together, where he got it in his head. All I know is that it is just not going to happen. If I won't even be driving it what is the point?
Recommended Posts