honey2910 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Let me put everything in short. My ex of 4 years dumped me in sept. As she said she dont feel anything for me now. I made a silly mistake of accepting her friendship and we were in contact all these 4 months. The control during this was with her as we met 3-4 times and that too on her terms. She started casual dating a guy in her office before our breakup. After breakup she met this guy everyday as they are in same office. They also spent lot of time on weekends.....movie...etc On 30th Dec I put my feelings in front of her by solving problems which caused breakup. But she said I know u can solve all the problems but "now I dont feel anything for U". I think I have given her enough time 4 months to get over all emotions and this guy also helped her. I told her it will be "All or nothing". I mean it was difficult for me to keep this friendship. Then my ex told me that she dont want to lose me as a friend and things could work out in 1-2 year but she cant commit. But what I guess I was left for this guy who came very close to her. She told me that I will regret this decision of breaking this "dummy friendship". I think it is necessary for my healing process. I still amaze she started dating (even if it is casual) right after breakup and moved on so quickly....Women are really strong..
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 You are right. She is wrong. It's easy for her, she's the one who broke up with you, she has sort of moved on. But she's keeping you dangling and "yanking your chain". ( I would guess English is not your first langauge, so I don't know if you are familiar with this term.... ) In case you are not, "yanking your chain" means constantly letting you know she is there and manipulating you, but with no benefit to you. This is also known as "throwing you breadcrumbs". Seems kind, but actually of very little, if any, benefit. You need to be strong and sever all ties with her. Go No Contact. Delete her number form your 'phone, or replace her name with "do not respond". Do not reply to any phone calls, and if she rings you, just put the 'phone down. If she tries to e-mail you, delete it without reading it. Block her every way you can, and concentrate on getting your life back and happy. DO NOT EVER EVER GIVE IN TO THE TEMPTATION TO TALK TO HER, OR TO RESPOND TO ANY OF HER APPROACHES. IT DOESN'T WORK. Move on.
FF84 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Then my ex told me that she dont want to lose me as a friend and things could work out in 1-2 year but she cant commit. How very nice of her to suggest you just hang around to wait and see if she changes her mind Drop this person from your life, you don't need them and they nothing to offer you. From now on, this person does not exist.
WiseOne1 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Everyone else is so right, actually 3 minutes from this post I was going thru the same thing you were going through. You tried, and I think that the most peoples new years resolution is to get rid of there ex, thats why I just put NC in full force, I changed both of my numbers, house and cell phone number, and told her never to talk to me again.
Surfer Dude Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I agree with everything Geisha said. The only true way to heal is to go NC and drop all the phony friendships. Basically, what your ex did, was using you all these months as emotional support to get over you more easily, to help her move on, so that she can date someone else. She dumps your ass, dates someone else and yet has the nerve to say that you'll regret dropping this friendship. I've never seen such arrogance. Friendship is a relationship where: 1. two people like each other 2. both people benefit (emotionally or otherwise) from that friendship How does being her friend benefit you? It does nothing but hold you back and keeps you unable to move on. It benefits her however, because you serve as her emotional backup and knowing she didn't fully lose you sorta alleviates her sense of guilt. It's a one way friendship. Drop it and don't look back. You have already lost everything (in regards to her), there is nothing more to lose.
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Wow wait 1-2 years everything will work out? please cut all contact with this chick.
Author honey2910 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Thanks everybody........ Thats what I am planning to do. Initially I thought it was due to our fault that this relationship has ended. However now what makes me feel more miserable is that she ended relationship for someone else. These girls are really tough...........I am really obsessed thinking about her all time.. I am keeping no hope of our reconcilation. However I keep on over- analyzing whole drama .....what if.... I know I am thinking too much....but I am not able to help myself...I meditate alot but still I am not able get over her.... Sometimes I feel my brain choked over analyzing all this non-sense stuff....I lost so many friends by over- involving myself in this relation........ Please tell me how you all keep urself occupied and any idea how to get over her........
Recommended Posts