emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 We were together for three years and out of nowhere I find out she cheated on me. When I told her to chose she initially said she chose me. She later renigged on her word and said she needed to do what was best for her. She needed to see whether this was just a crush or whether or not it was something more but she wanted me to wait for her. She never was able to decide between me and him and I called it off because I didn't want to be treated like I meant nothing to her. If she spent time with someone other than her friends it was with him and I didn't understand. I'm trying to get over her and the fact she is happy and spending good times we used to have with some other guy. God forbid she's having sex with him. I was her first and she was mine. I don't know how to get over this. I feel that me thinking about it is preventing me from getting moving on and getting over her. Any suggestions? Comments?
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 How? by not talking to her, by cutting her out of your life. By realizing that your better off with someone who is not a cheater. Trust me it's hard every day I'm still dealing with it but every day I care less and less. The person you loved and adored is gone doesn't exist anymore, only this cheating vermin scum exists, it's hard I know man my fiance of 3 years cheated on me dumped me I wanted to give it another shot counselling etc. and she treated me like garbage disrespected me, less than a week later had butterflies for the first guy she met told me there just "friends", now their dating screwing each other like the little cheating whore she is. But such is life, realize it wasn't your fault, she's the one with issues and problems, just stay busy, when you think of her think of the negative think of your better off, start reading hit up the gym, vent on here. Trust me I know all to well what your going through
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 It's so easy to say and so hard to do. I try to realize what she did was so extremely horrible but I just keep telling myself that if she ever wants to come back why shouldn't I except her. If she realizes she made a mistake why shouldnt I? Everyone does. But I guess I shouldn't hope for things like that, I just always think about the future in ways like that.
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I'm there man. Mine developed feelings for a friend of hers, and told me she has to be with him and it didn't feel right with me anymore. As EmperorR says, you can draw on the negative aspect of her cheating as a tool for getting over her. Unfortunately I can't do that cos she didn't actually act on it or tell him before she told me, so I can't even hate her for cheating, and can't blame her for her feelings. It's probably not helpful, but I still hope that she realises she's made a mistake and comes back. I did nothing wrong in the relationship at all, never hurt her, so I'm just waiting for the new guy to mess it up for himself. One mistake will be 1 more that I ever made. It's a slim hope and not helping me get over her, so what I thought today is that by the time that's likely to happen, I may not want her back anyway, so that makes it less of an important thing to me, if that makes sense. Why would you wait for a girl to come back to you if you don't love her anymore, right? Don't waste your time wondering what she's doing with him. It's pointless, you can't control it or her feelings and it's a waste of energy. Of course when midnight struck last night I was imagining her kissing this other guy and it was heartbreaking, but there was nothing I could do, so I quickly forgot about it. If she chose him over you, she doesn't deserve you, and you'll end up with someone more deserving. Hard to take now, I know, but it's true, be with someone that deserves you!
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It's so easy to say and so hard to do. I try to realize what she did was so extremely horrible but I just keep telling myself that if she ever wants to come back why shouldn't I except her. If she realizes she made a mistake why shouldnt I? Everyone does. But I guess I shouldn't hope for things like that, I just always think about the future in ways like that. How long have you been apart or broken up? Trust me I was like you, but when you go nc and the days change to weeks to months, the rose coloured glasses come off and you realize you can never reclaim what you have, that it would never be the same. Are you willing for the both fo you to put in so much work if she comes back and you take her back? Are you willing to trust her 100%? Still allow her to go out and not call every minute to see where she is? Hope is the worst thing, I thought for months that my ex would come back and realize the big mistake she made after all I did, then I got to the point that I don't even care, once hope goes then its acceptance, stay strong.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I think that the realizing I can't change her or her feelings and accepting the things I can't change has helped me somewhat. I just always forget to tell myself that and that's when it hurts. Thanks
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I think that the realizing I can't change her or her feelings and accepting the things I can't change has helped me somewhat. I just always forget to tell myself that and that's when it hurts. Thanks It get's easier every day trust me And even if she's with someone new, she's in the fog thinking everything is better and hey of course it is at the moment a brand new exciting person, the honeymoon period of a relationship where everything is good. Trust me when things go bad and they break up she'll come running back to good ol emotionallydistraught but do you want to be a backup? Another reason why I would never ever take back my ex, I'm not a backup I'm a starter a HOF, I'm a first option , and my cheating ex decided I was not a first option so i'm a free agent and will find another team(girl) and be their first option the way life should be.
Joker77 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Bro, I have found this out the hard way in a past relationship a few years ago. Once they cheat on you, they will do it again. It's not worth the pain and heartache. As hard as it is, go NC and cut your losses now. You will thank yourself for it later on and a few years from now, you'll wonder why you even cared in the first place. Walk away with your pride.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I never want/wanted to be a backup plan. I just hope that when it does go wrong with this other guy, I'll be strong enough to tell her I'm better than she is and I don't need her. I feel horrible for saying this but I hope what comes around goes around for her.
Joker77 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I never want/wanted to be a backup plan. I just hope that when it does go wrong with this other guy, I'll be strong enough to tell her I'm better than she is and I don't need her. I feel horrible for saying this but I hope what comes around goes around for her. Trust me man....there will come a day where all this crap backfires in her face. It always does and when it does, you need to stand strong. Don't be a doormat for anyone. I've done that for the past five years in relationships. I'm not doing it anymore.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 One problem I'm having is I can't stop myself from checking her myspace and facebook. I deleted her from my friends on both but I still check daily sometimes hourly to see if she signed on. How do I stop that? I want her to see I dont want her in my life but I still want to know what she's doing. Whether or not she's thinking of me. Pining over me.
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 One problem I'm having is I can't stop myself from checking her myspace and facebook. I deleted her from my friends on both but I still check daily sometimes hourly to see if she signed on. How do I stop that? I want her to see I dont want her in my life but I still want to know what she's doing. Whether or not she's thinking of me. Pining over me. I can't help you there, I do that too. I've deleted her off Facebook, so I can't see her there, but Myspace is the band's page, so I can't delete her. She's never on that one anyway, so it's unlikely I'll learn anything. If you get an answer, let me know. I'm dying to stop doing that too.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 If I get the answer, you will be the first to know. I feel pathetic doing that kind of stuff
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 If I get the answer, you will be the first to know. I feel pathetic doing that kind of stuff I know! I mean, what the hell to I expect to see? "I'M SO SORRY, I MADE A MISTAKE! TAKE ME BACK!!!!" in her status?!!? I'm a fool to myself, and no mistake.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Haha I feel ya. I just wish I could destroy her myspace so the temptation isnt there anymore.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 One problem I'm having is I can't stop myself from checking her myspace and facebook. I deleted her from my friends on both but I still check daily sometimes hourly to see if she signed on. How do I stop that? I want her to see I dont want her in my life but I still want to know what she's doing. Whether or not she's thinking of me. Pining over me. i haven't got a myspace page, so i don't know, but is there a way you can block your access to her page? i've deleted my ex off contacts on bebo and facebook. luckily he has his page on private, so that now, the only way i could see his page is to add him as a friend again, and i won't be doing that! and it's been so helfpful. not to keep checking up. even though he doesn't use them much. but it's like a means of keeping a connection with the person.........knowing what's going on with them. it's only prolonging the agony. if you can block her page, do it. (and don't unblock it again in a moment of weakness!)
againstallodds Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 One step at a time guys. It's hard not to look at their myspace and stuff. I got a few set back myself but if you can fight it a bit at a time. Try to stop doing one thing a week. Write down all the bad things that she did. Everytime you got the urge to contact her just read the bad things over, it helps. Go for a walk, go out with friends, workout help quite a bit. It will get easier over time. I am 5 months in and I don't think about her every day anymore so I can say that you will get there eventually.
zilverenvlinder Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I only go on my ex's Myspace to copy/paste his douchebaggy black and white pictures, and send them to my friends through email so we can make fun of what a douchebag he is.
openbook08 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 deactivate your account get out and meet people in the flesh best thing i ever did and no temptation to "check" anything just tell yourself NO i know his email & FB passwords i just choose not to look
blackrider27 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I heard if you have firefox you can like block the page, but i don't know how to do that. Does anyone know cause that would help us all out a lot.
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I mean I've deleted her from my facebook and I blocked her from myspace but I keep holding on to one message she sent me so that I can just go and look at her blocked page to see if she signed on. It's driving me insane. I don't want to be like that but then something inside me keeps going, what if she's in a relationship, what if some guys are writing on her wall saying they had a great time with her last night. I hate it
openbook08 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 ...I keep holding on to one message she sent me so that I can just go and look at her blocked page to see if she signed on. It's driving me insane. I don't want to be like that but then something inside me keeps going, what if she's in a relationship, what if some guys are writing on her wall saying they had a great time with her last night. I hate it GET RID OF THAT MESSAGE NOW its not doing you any good its time to start lookin after no. 1 mind your own business (in that shes not your business anymore) come on its hard but ive done it, you can too do you really need FB and MyS?? if you do, then give your password to a friend you trust & tell him/her to change it & not tell you. the world wont stop cos you take a break from these sites for a few months
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 I deleted the message. After I checked one more time. But it's gone now. Bittersweet
openbook08 Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO well done, proud of you! good for you *hugs* see? you ARE a LOT stronger than you think thats another huge step in the healing process!
Author emotionalydistraugt Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 Thanks I need all the encouragement I can get.
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