mendsley Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I have had a horrible day today, and week for that matter. I finally have my son and step son here to visit for a week and I am trying so hard to make sure they have a good time, but all I can think about is what the seperated wife is up to all by herself. I cannot stop thinking about my seperated wife. I have been trying so hard to be strong and act like what ever she does does not effect me, but as every day goes on I can feel myself getting more and more weaker and at the point of starting to get angry that she is doing the same to me and she is alot better at it. I just don't understand why I am so dependant on her. I mean she had the affair, she left me to be with the other guy (which did not work out for her) and yet I am the one letting her call the shots. For new years eve I did nothing just sat around by myself and watched movies and she went to a club and had a really good time, pathetic! It has been 4 months since the seperation and she still says she does not know about us and she is affraid to make a mistake and come back with me. I am completey unhappy with my life, job, my finances are completly messed up and I let people run all over me. I have tried to send a text message here and there to her and I get nothing in return and she says she never got em, but yet when she needs something I am right there ready to help. I am feeling very messed up today and I have learned to respect what you all have to say, but I guess this is more of a venting session than a question. Thanks for taking a look. MIKE
BusterBrown Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 man i think I know how you are feeling right now cause I'm feeling that way too right now. Today has been absolutely horrible. I've cried my eyes out too many times to count and she said she's cried "once or twice". She's playing head games with me and it's working. Why should she have the upper hand when she is the one who left and cheated on us? We try to work on it because we love them. We put ourselves out there and then they just run all over us. It's screwed up man, I tell you. Once this is all over I think it's going to take me a long while just to get my head straight again. By the way I just read your backstory on another thread and your wife is acting like my wife almost to the T. I feel for you, brother.
confused71 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I am in the same boat also.Wife said she wanted a divorce in september and then I found out she was having an affair.Well in the run up to christmas she said she had broken up with him and started wearing her rings again saying she wanted me to move back in (also saying she wanted a child with me.) Well turns out she just wanted me to be there at christmas to look after her daughter as she was working nights.She was nice to me up to last thing boxing night.(we were back sleeping in the same bed but She was still acting cold towards me).Then she started with the'i'm not sure what I want' routine again. Turns out she was still seeing OM and went out with him the following night.I lost control a bit and text messaged her ultimatums telling her to come home. So in the morning she sends me a message that she now hates me and threatened to stop me seeing her daughter. So I also spent new years eve alone,messed up,while she was out partying.The stepdaughter is also acting cold to me now.I feel like a discarded piece of garbage.
BusterBrown Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I feel like a discarded piece of garbage. I couldn't agree more with that:confused:
Author mendsley Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 The thing that gets me is they know they have us by the b@lls and we will do everything they want at a drop of the hat. I know that this is the situation and I am trying to turn it around, it sounds so easy but man I keep falling back into being her little servant. How can anyone actually feel like they are unsure of what they want for so long, what are they looking or waiting for. I cannot understand how that feels, you would think that after a few weeks alone to think that there would be some type of decision or at least some type of direction, but this has been 4 months. I really think she is keeping me around cause she knows I am here for her and the kids and she is trying to find someone better and when he comes around then she will have her decision or she is waiting to get a better job and when she is financially stable I will get an answer. I have been going to a counselor and he even has said that the way are sexual relationship was is not healthy and I should really think about having a relationship with someone like that. My wife and I have NEVER had a good sexual relationship, she has never came on to me in the ten years we have been married. For some reason I still want to work things out with her, WHY?
Gunny376 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 You guys need to learn relationships, women, and what it takes to make it work ~ they don't teach this stuff in school. Its not about looks, weight, etc. Its about technique. Study PUA's as in the Mystery Method. If this clown can get and attrack women any man can. Its not about so much about what you look like, your physic, your size, your height, your weight as it is about who you are. What you say and what comes out of your mouth. Its all about how you play the game. But be careful! If you go the PUA route it can drag yourself into it, and you can and will lose focus. It can and will become addicitive. Goggle The Mystery Method David DeAngelo The Alpha Male The problem isn't the soon to be X, but that you're afraid you will never find someone to replace the X.
BusterBrown Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I've recently been reading about the mystery method. I don't know. Does it really work that well? To me it just seems like you have to play their games to pick them up. Eventually the games will end and she'll see who you really are. I guess it would be a big confidence booster, though.
Author mendsley Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Hey gunny, thanks for the information. That will be helpful to help boost my confidence if we end up getting a divorce. My wife already knows who I am and maybe if I start busting some smooth game on her she might like the change I have to take my son and stepson back to the W today and it will be a long drive home I have never had an enemy ever in my life but I am really beginning to hate the son of B named patience. P.S. I came accross a word that kind of intriged me; REPRIEVE : to delay the impending punishment or sentence of (a condemned person). Hmmmmmmmm, is this good or bad? MIKE
Gunny376 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 The PUA stuff works in getting you one night stands, but it can become addictive and shallow, lead to a false sense of idenity, and a contempt for women if you become too good at it. What is required in developing "your game" is in knowing what your "end game" results are. To get married or into a meaningful relationship? To do that you then have to take your "game" to another level via Divorcebusting, MarriageBuilders. Mystery himself (You should see the guy, he wears eyeliner, white eyeshadow, paints his fingernails black ~ all to prove that looks don't matter) has been hospitalized several time for clinical depression and suicidial and homicidal thoughts, even though he's a world reknown PUA. Its really not that difficult to do, just basic stuff such as going to the gym, getting in shape, getting a tan, getting your teeth whitened with a laser, getting laisk surgery, buying some new clothes, dressing stylishly, being different from the other guys, being in-different to a woman's looks, caring less if you "score" with any woman. Takes about a year to master the material. And then you have to get out into the field and crash and burn a couple of times, before you start generating any results. It really all comes down to be an enteraining, fun, outward going, and confident individual that doesn't give a damn! In short? Just be yourself and quit concentrating too much on the end result. Which for most men is getting laid! Give that up and focus on the social dynamic instead. Lighten up, be different, and enjoy the moment instead, and quit worrying about what others think. If you really think about it your greatest success with women has been with women you really weren't interested in and didn't pay any attention to begin with. You want the "10" ignore her and give her "7" GF all of your attention. But I caution you in that it can consume you and your life. Its as addictive as any drug. It can and will lead to depression, and be destructive in other areas of your life. In the end its not about finding another woman, its about finding the right woman.
Author mendsley Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 You know gunny when I made my first post your post was one that I thought alot about. You said "drop her like a hot rock". At first I said to myself WOW that is quick and harsh, and I did not understand. But I have only been into this about 4 months and have read several posts and they all seem to end the same way, she gets what she wants. I am now kinda understanding that if I just file for divorce and move on, rather than wating, wishing, hoping and feeling all this pain everyday it would speed up the end result that has already been decided about 4 months ago by her. I guess the thing that keeps me hanging on is that for some reason I still feel there is a chance. I cannot seem to see the end, but if someone else, other than me, were to tell me they are in the same situation I would tell them to drop them because they are being used. Why is it so hard for me to see it when it is happening to me? I hate the thought of chance or hope and I would hate for me to follow thru with the divorce and her tell me later down the road that she wanted to come back.
Jen-Smitty Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 You know gunny when I made my first post your post was one that I thought alot about. You said "drop her like a hot rock". At first I said to myself WOW that is quick and harsh, and I did not understand. But I have only been into this about 4 months and have read several posts and they all seem to end the same way, she gets what she wants. I am now kinda understanding that if I just file for divorce and move on, rather than wating, wishing, hoping and feeling all this pain everyday it would speed up the end result that has already been decided about 4 months ago by her. I guess the thing that keeps me hanging on is that for some reason I still feel there is a chance. I cannot seem to see the end, but if someone else, other than me, were to tell me they are in the same situation I would tell them to drop them because they are being used. Why is it so hard for me to see it when it is happening to me? I hate the thought of chance or hope and I would hate for me to follow thru with the divorce and her tell me later down the road that she wanted to come back. I know I'm new to this forum....but I know and feel exactly what you are feeling. Except I'm the woman and my husband left us the day after Christmas. It's hard not to think about the good times, or there could be that one chance they will come back...I guess I can't give you much advice yet....but I can tell you, your not alone on how you feel. I still don't know what to do? Should I continue on with the seperation, and hope he will want to come back? Or should I file for divorce and just speed up the recovery process. Have peace of mind knowing only you can decide how you feel...that is one thing I need to remember too. I have family and friends constantly telling me...he isn't worth it...you deserve someone better, but they don't feel what I feel. I can only hope your wife knows that unless she works on herself and the relationship she is in....she will always have the same problems in any relationship. My best advice is to try and work on you...and know that your not alone. Jen
Gunny376 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Believe or not your bio-chemically addicted to her, and that's all it is and addiction. Love is a fleeting thing, sometimes it last for a lifetime, sometimes just for one night ~ sometimes just for a moment. Your the ones that holds the keys that will set you free ~ not her. I've know couples that have gotten divorced, moved back in together "shacking up" and got along just fine. I've know couples that have been married and divorce as mush as four times. I know of a couple that divorced, married other people, got divorced and re-married each other? You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it all out.
Author mendsley Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I never thought of it as an addiction but it makes absolute sense. I guess I should pick up another addiction to kick the current one, maybe heroin . Thanks again for your info gunny I always enjoy reading your posts Hey Jenn, all input is important you have experiences that I don't have and you might be able to give information that I never thought of before. I did notice I was your first post, do you have something you would like to post and talk with us? There is some really really really good advice on this forum, you will be very pleased you came accross it, talk to you later MIKE
Jen-Smitty Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I never thought of it as an addiction but it makes absolute sense. I guess I should pick up another addiction to kick the current one, maybe heroin . Thanks again for your info gunny I always enjoy reading your posts Hey Jenn, all input is important you have experiences that I don't have and you might be able to give information that I never thought of before. I did notice I was your first post, do you have something you would like to post and talk with us? There is some really really really good advice on this forum, you will be very pleased you came accross it, talk to you later MIKE It was my first post...I have been very embarrassed but I made a thread about what is going on. So hopefully I can learn something and know there is hope in sight.
Gunny376 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I never thought of it as an addiction but it makes absolute sense. I guess I should pick up another addiction to kick the current one, maybe heroin . Thanks again for your info gunny I always enjoy reading your posts MIKE People who are "in love" have almost identical brain scans as people who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder. Crystal Meth and cocaine act upon the same neurons and brain receptors as endorphins, (the bio-chemical your brain produces that gives you that tingly, warm feeling when you have sex / fall "in love" ~ specfically ~ ": any of a group of endogenous peptides (as enkephalin) found especially in the brain that bind chiefly to opiate receptors and produce some pharmacological effects (as pain relief) like those of opiates ; specifically : beta-endorphin) For additional information, see Book ~ Brain Sex" Feb 2006 edition of National Geographic (they have side by side comparision pictures of the brain scan I mentioned above)
br0ken_w0lf Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 You know gunny when I made my first post your post was one that I thought alot about. You said "drop her like a hot rock". At first I said to myself WOW that is quick and harsh, and I did not understand. But I have only been into this about 4 months and have read several posts and they all seem to end the same way, she gets what she wants. I am now kinda understanding that if I just file for divorce and move on, rather than wating, wishing, hoping and feeling all this pain everyday it would speed up the end result that has already been decided about 4 months ago by her. I guess the thing that keeps me hanging on is that for some reason I still feel there is a chance. I cannot seem to see the end, but if someone else, other than me, were to tell me they are in the same situation I would tell them to drop them because they are being used. Why is it so hard for me to see it when it is happening to me? I hate the thought of chance or hope and I would hate for me to follow thru with the divorce and her tell me later down the road that she wanted to come back. Hey mendsley, just wanted to say I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I've been there and I'm still livin' it 18 months later. I can totally empathize with you; I got similar advice when I first posted and I thought the same thing. Now everyone's situation is different (though eerily similar at the same time) but I waited a year hoping my wife would come back. Hell, even now, somedays I still do. But in most cases, the decision's already been made. Hang in there and post often...
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