believeit Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I feel like I keep ruining my relationship of 2 years, we have never taken a break, or broken up. I always find a way to turn good times into bad.. I think when I do this.. It dwells on me so I do it again and talk about breaking up. He always says that's my way to solve everything. I only say it because I want to know how he feels about it. Sometimes I feel like I hold him back, and sometimes I feel like he holds me back.. only because I try to keep being something only to find out getting confused about who I am. I failed my last 2 year relationship.. maybe My past doesn't think I deserve a fresh start. Seriously I can't believe we had such a good time last night, and I go along and say "Well we need to break up" Does anyone understand why I do this???? I love this guy.. I feel like I am completely ruining him because I am ruining myself. I really think I even deserve to get something bad to happen to me, because I deserve it. I feel like my past is keeping me from being happy. I also ran from my last bf.. I so ruined that worse. I really need ideas on how to work through this and be a better person. I REALLY want to be happy with him before it's TOO late. Ugh.
Author believeit Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I am getting so torn up.. I AM RUINING myself. WHY CAN'T I BE A HAPPY person??! Is it fate I am just totally screwed up. I am really good at heart, but my mind makes this good.. not look so good.
starzphalling Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 ok...so im not degree'd in anyway but...... 1. take care of yourself 2. take care of your relationship maybe you don't need to break up, or take a break, but you need to communicate to him that you have doubts in yourself and your path in life. if you truly as confused and unhappy with yourself, and blame yourself for all the wrongs you experience,that is something that you may not be able to take care of yourself, and may want to seek some sort of counciling. we can't give you the answers to who you are, but i can tell you no matter what you do, if you are not happy (or at least respect yourself) with who you are, or where you are going, no relationship is going to last.
Author believeit Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Maybe that's my problem. I have a bad outlook on love and it lasting and being happy.. Maybe I get too caught up in me thinking nothing lasts, because really I feel like it doesn't. Unless if you are way older and there are not so many wasted years of love giving, and fighting. Oh my god.. I made him cry so bad last night.. It totalllly ruins me. Kinda sucks when you find something you love, and you don't know how to hold on it. I know deep inside of me that this relationship will not last.. even if it has been great. I know it's wrong to even judge that.. because I can not tell the future, I can just tell I am probably a very negative person.
Author believeit Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I wonder if there is a way I can show him who I was when we were first together.. This year I am trying to drop a lot of old baggage haunting me. NO.. I do not respect myself, because I am not happy where I stand in life.. Yes I am happy with HIM.. but, everything else is pretty much nothing.. Like my career goals are so screwed up and I been having a hard time trying to find a job so I can add up to my saved money for a car. I am almost 21. I feel like pretty much nothing, and I know seriously.. SERIOUSLY.. that I am bright and talented.. and I feel like I will do good one day.. Just right now it's pretty much all falling on my shoulders.
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Right, first off, you need to stop with this "My past thinks I don't deserve to be happy" nonsense. That's a load of BS. You can choose to make yourself happy. Life is choices. Every day. I had a choice today to pick the guitar up for the first time since the break-up. It feels GOOOOOOOOD. Good choice. Now, go make a good choice, and choose to stop thinking you don't deserve to be happy. Think of something you did that was kind or thoughtful recently. If you can't think of anything, then go do something now. Feel better? You didn't kill anyone, you didn't commit mass genocide on an entire ethnic minority, you didn't rob the Federal Reserve, you're not Dr. Evil! What do you mean when you say you're confused about who you are? I really don't want to give you any leading questions, I'm interested to know what your understanding of the question 'who are you?' is. Personality-wise? Interests? Ambitions? Get this clear first, because if you don't define your terms, you can't answer your own questions. You say you only suggest breaking up to see what he thinks. That sounds to me like a security issue. Could it be that you feel insecure about the relationship, stemming from your belief that you don't deserve to be happy, and you need to know if he's thinking of breaking up with you? Unfortunately, it becomes what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy. You feel undeserving of happiness, you get miserable, people pick up on it (people, by the way, aren't attracted to miserable people), they back off, and then you've fed your delusion. Round and round it goes till you break the cycle. There's your choice. Break the cycle. Talk to the guy, tell him what you've just told a bunch of strangers in a forum.
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Agreeing 100% means Jack Sh*Y*t. Actions speak louder than words. You have to start watching your thoughts and controlling them before they hit your mouth. It can be done. All the rersponsibility for who you are today, is yours, today. Forget the past. No, seriously, forget it. Unless you can use it to underpin your values, and channel it to give you the lessons - and tools - you need, to move on, it's doing nothing for you to keep leaning on it. So let it go, and start again today.
Author believeit Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Thanks Geishawk. You all give very good advice. You give me it straight to the point. I am going to try. I mean.. I AM GOING TO DO IT. I have really never had this talk with him. I did exactly what Riff said, and showed my boyfriend what I was thinking. He said "Well you listen to other people, but everything I just say is crazy talk" I said.. "Well I haven't exactly put myself out there and told you why" Then he told me he loved me we stopped talking about it. I have the best boyfriend in the world, I have always thought that. I even know I can trust him, I just didn't trust myself to ruin something else. Yesterday when he dropped me off, we watched a movie before he went home. I was sqwerming in bed so much because I couldn't stop thinking. I sat in the chair near my bed and with my back turned.. When he turned the chair I started to look at him and realized what I did is probably hurting me more, not just him. I was silent and started to hold in some tears.. and he told me to come here. I think he tries to forget a lot more than I can. He told me yesterday that it won't get any better if we grudge about it. I agree, but I can not help but now actually feel a guilt trip. I never really had such a guilt trip like that one I experienced. It's almost like a burden. You know what people say when there are too many burdens in a relationship to continue. I think that was my frist one.. I am going to not let it hold me back. Even if it was just a fight that night, it was very draining for us both. I need to realize and I have, that if I keep continuing that path I would be creating more burdens than I would like... and unfortunately.. That means losing someone I am in love with.
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