Eyeofthoth Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 . . . and, I am kind of wondering about the "hope" thing. I hear a lot of people say that one needs to give up hope to move on, but I think I disagree. Whenever I think about not ever getting back together with him, I get horribly depressed. But when I think about improving my life, fixing the things that were getting in the way, and sending love and forgiveness to him psychically, because maybe someday that will make the difference . . . I feel better. Hope is essential for my healing. But it is not just hope that I will get him back. It is hope that I will have another great relationship someday, whether it is with him or with someone else. I need to hold onto this . . . When I think that I will never love someone like that again, that is when I get the most down. And I do think that a lot. I know I could go through the rest of my life competently without a serious and deep love relationship with a member of the opposite sex, but when I think about doing that, I feel hopeless and pointless, as though I am making plans to live in a world without color or music or beauty . . . I wonder if this means I am not independent enough. I think it just means that I really enjoy having a great relationship with a person of the the opposite sex. And it's so hard to find. . . Just my thoughts. . . And by the way, I still see him everywhere. I can feel his skin and hear his voice as if it were yesterday . . .
blackrider27 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 77 days of no contact, that's amazing. But they're are other things besides no contact. I couldn't last one week, which is bad. Or is it? No contact can work on, or off On the days i'd talk to my ex i'd see the evil ****ty person she is, thus making it so much easier. All the lies she's told me, went to goodness, and i'm on my way to getting her out of my head for goods. But the thought of never loving again is a dumb thought. Things happen for a reason. I think for now you should get used to the thought of moving on and not being with him again. Things will play out in the end as they should, remember that, always. Someone way better is out there, you just have to be willing to look :]
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Yeah, 77 days is pretty bloody good going, and I hope to reach that too! When you say a lot of people advise abandoning all hope, I think what they're referring to (in the main) is that stage of denial where we think we'll get them back in a week or so. It's the hope we'll get THAT person back. This, however, can get in the way of the hope of finding someone else. I'm in the stage where I'd love to find someone to make me forget all this, but every girl I see, I compare to her. Doesn't have dreads. Clearly not into metal... etc etc etc (my tastes are specific, eh?), but one day I'll realise the next girl doesn't need to have all that. I know exactly what you mean about hope making you feel better, and just yesterday I said something like, "Wow, I wonder what my next girlfriend will be like." and although that only gave me an instant of relief, I now know how that thought is going to make me feel in a months time or so when that excitement and hope is longer lived, maybe for a whole day. Some people's situations seem hopeless to the objective viewer, and perhaps it's none of our business, but maybe it's kinder to point that out to them. Ugh, it's tricky because until such time as Professor Fink comes up with a machine that we can plug into our ex's head and see their thoughts on a monitor, all we're going on is hope, heresay and conjecture. Religions have survived that way for some time now...
Author Eyeofthoth Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I know what you mean about religion, riff My tastes are very specific too. In the past I have tried to settle for less than someone who is really "it" for me, and that never worked, so I know I need to just wait for the right one . . . could be a long time. And blackrider I have looked a lot already. I must have dated 20 guys since the breakup. I could not see anyone but my ex. Still it wasn't pointless, since I got to meet new people and even made a friend or two. Knowing that the person who would work for us is very very rare, and that with just a few tweaks, that last relationship would have been perfect . . . Well it makes hope hard to hold onto, and it makes hope that the ex will be back one day all the stronger.
Author Eyeofthoth Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 And for the record, I hate "no contact" and I don't really believe in it, but he is with someone else, and it is the person he left me for, and unless and until that burns itself out, it is just too painful for me to talk to him anymore. We have been broken up since June and we had some contact during the first few months. It was mainly initiated by me, but he always responded. Now I feel as though he needs to initiate contact if we are ever to speak again. And he may not do that, even if he breaks up with this other person, because he knows he hurt me badly. So it is NC against my will. I don't seem to have any other options.
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