moveon Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I always hear that "The best revenge ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL". Do you agree ? Any comments on this ? My b/f broke up with me 3 months ago, and we have no contact completely for 8 weeks. How can I let my ex know that I'm doing well without him if we're thousand miles apart ? Will he feels curious if I leave him in the dark and not able to find out anything about me ?
starzphalling Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 i think the living well part is more for you. it has nothing to do with them knowing, but rather you, being happy and not feeling that you need them in your life.
kizik Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I always hear that "The best revenge ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL". Do you agree ? Any comments on this ? This is a good sentiment at heart (that being successful in your own life is perhaps the best revenge)... but the problem is this word "revenge," as well as this important fact: you shouldn't be trying to get revenge on anyone, you should be concerned with you and only you, and actively rebuilding your life. How can I let my ex know that I'm doing well without him if we're thousand miles apart ? Why do you need to do that? To rub it in his face? Sounds like an ego thing to me. No, it is quite immature, and ultimately unnecessary, to "tell your ex" how well you're doing without them. If you're going about life in that way, your priorities are all f*cked up. Like I said, worry about living, not what the dumb ex thinks of you. Will he feels curious if I leave him in the dark and not able to find out anything about me ? Hmm, maybe, but who cares? F*ck him, he's not worth your energy. I hope you stop focusing on HIM and instead, once and for all, think about YOU.
EmperorR Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 i think the living well part is more for you. it has nothing to do with them knowing, but rather you, being happy and not feeling that you need them in your life. I agree, I left my ex weak and pathetic on some I'll always wait for you bs. . Next time I'll contact my ex is when I send her a wedding invitation.
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Oooh, this one sounds familiar! I, too, am thousands of miles from my ex. I too haven't had contact since it happened (although this was only 6 days ago!) Here's what I was thinking... It's a nice saying, a nice little motto/mantra. It sounds like it ought to work. Sadly, my opinion right now is that it's a load of BS. For me, it depends on what I know about my ex's current situation. Allow me to elaborate in my typical manner... If the ex is currently perfectly happy apart from you, then no, I can't see how you could feel like that's revenge or he/she is hurt by it. My ex left me for another guy. If I then let her know I'm absolutely fine and doing great, that's just gonna completely remove any guilt she's feeling, and allow her to enjoy her life with this new guy, when right now, I want her to be miserable and doubting if she's made the right decision. She'll feel like she's off the hook, she's got away with it without paying any penalty. I don't want that right now, as heartlessly cruel as that sounds. If, however, as I hope, she is suffering, thinking she made a terrible mistake, going through a lot of self-loathing (that's what she claims, but then she's said a lot of other stuff that turned out to be BS), then yes, I might want her to think I'm doing great, just to rub it in. There's a third option tho. If you're not like me, not wallowing in a pit of jealousy, anger, the unquenchable need for some schadenfreude, but you can honestly say you don't care about your ex anymore, don't need to be with him/her, don't want a reconciliation, not even want to be friends maybe, then yeah, I can see that him knowing you're doing great would be a hit to the ego, he feels like he's not wanted or needed by you anymore. I dunno, it's just a load of thoughts off the top of my head. Right now, I can only see it being revenge if he really wanted to hurt you and he sees he's failed. Or that he likes the idea of you pining for him, but you don't. I'm leaving it NC for as long as I can in the hope that I make her so curious as to what I'm doing or how I am that SHE breaks it, not me. There's downsides to that as is posted in many a thread here (will she forget me? Will I blow any chance of getting back with her? I need to know what she's up to...) Babble babble shut piehole...
alwayssme Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 you cant fake "living well" in my opinion...like oh i have to pretend to be okay and happy just to rub it in his face...all u can do is try your best to improve your life...in my opinion all that matters is trying...you cant force yourself to be happy and over someone when you're not..all you can do is take steps towards the right direction and take it one day at a time
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Oh, I agree completely, but I refer you to my being "in a pit of jealousy, anger and unquenchable thirst for schadenfreude" comment. I think they call it the anger stage... normal service will resume shortly *background music*
alwayssme Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Why does he deserve revenge? All he did was break up with you because he didn't have strong feelings for you, and it was time to end the relationship. This doesn't make him a bad person who deserves something bad to happen to him. He didn't do anything except fall out of love with you. because some people act cold and cruel after they "fall out of love"...when you stop loving somebody, something has gone wrong along the way..alot of people fall out love when they meet someone else and then decide to leave the other person...what is wrong with that?? how would you like it if someone you loved and was with for a very long time, took their time to get over you (while in the meantime tells you how much they love you and dont want to lose you), plays with your emotions, has the nerve to cry when YOU try to leave them...keeps you around untill they find something or someone else that would fill your void....makes you believe everything is fine and that they love u so much, then 2 days later breaks up with you and acts like u never existed... and you are left with confusion, unanswered question (and God forbid you try n get any answers, they will only treat u like crap) and a broken heart...alot of times nobody around u understands and you have to pick up the pieces slowly and go through life with this pain... i wouldnt wish bad on people but sometimes the one you love and adore the most..turns out to lie to you and betray you and at the end of the day throw you away like your nothing...and that to me isnt cool...
MWH Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I don't get with the whole idea of revenge of any sort. I'm just trying to get myself straightened out and the idea of wishing anything bad on my ex doesn't really enter the picture for me. I hope that she gets can somehow free herself from whatever it is that has troubled her so badly for so long. I can't stop caring about someone just because she doesn't want me and I sure don't wish anything bad for her. Seeing what she has struggled with for so long has literally broken my heart and I feel bad for her. She doesn't deserve the hell she exists in. I pray for her every day in fact. No revenge for me thanks.
D-Lish Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Living well isn't really the best revenge... but it's the best possible outcome for YOU. He doesn't need to know about it or hear about it. It's not about him anymore- living well becomes about your own triumph. If you need him to know you are living well... then it's about putting on a show for him instead of actually being and living well. You'll know you are actually happy when it doesn't matter anymore what the ex thinks. Keep living well for yourself. Think of it as "living well is the best possible reward for yourself". When it ceases to matter to you whether or not he knows you are doing so well... that's when you know you've truly left the past behind.
johan Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 You should live well regardless. Your ex might not find out about it anyway. And rapid aging from a bad lifestyle will make it hard to find someone else.
againstallodds Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I always hear that "The best revenge ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL". Do you agree ? Any comments on this ? My b/f broke up with me 3 months ago, and we have no contact completely for 8 weeks. How can I let my ex know that I'm doing well without him if we're thousand miles apart ? Will he feels curious if I leave him in the dark and not able to find out anything about me ? You don't have to let him know you're doing well. Just move on and do well. One day he'll find out. It's a small world and words get around. Curiosity killed the cat.
Hersheys Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Everytime I read that quote it makes me anxious. How in the world will I know if I am living well enough? Living well could mean different things to different people. To me it's like putting a big pressure upon yourself not to mistakes and putting on a show for the world to see when really life is just about the simplest, most mundane everyday things. Best revenge is not giving a flying f*** anymore about what other people (exes included) think about you.
alphamale Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I always hear that "The best revenge ever on the Ex that dumped you is simply, LIVING WELL". Do you agree ? Any comments on this ? thats a good revenge...but the best revenge is finding someone better than the ex
kizik Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Best revenge is not giving a flying f*** anymore about what other people (exes included) think about you. Now you're talking. I agree with this whole-heartedly.
Trialbyfire Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Living well isn't really the best revenge... but it's the best possible outcome for YOU. He doesn't need to know about it or hear about it. It's not about him anymore- living well becomes about your own triumph. If you need him to know you are living well... then it's about putting on a show for him instead of actually being and living well. You'll know you are actually happy when it doesn't matter anymore what the ex thinks. Keep living well for yourself. Think of it as "living well is the best possible reward for yourself". When it ceases to matter to you whether or not he knows you are doing so well... that's when you know you've truly left the past behind. I totally agree with this. Unless this person put you through abusive behaviours including lying and cheating, why do you need to hate them or get back at them? Relationships come and go. We learn what we need and want and to differentiate between the two. If two people are incompatible, why be bitter about it? Sure, you will go through stages of sadness, anger, etc. And yes, you'll say and do things you regret. Just keep cycling through the stages until you've let go completely. Then...when you're ready and when you least expect it, someone else will come your way who's willing to reciprocate, what you're willing to give. When this happens, the contrast will floor you.
zilverenvlinder Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 When I was sixteen, and I got dumped, I paid my older brother's super sick hot friend to come pick me up from school, make a show of it, hold my hand in the parking lot, and parade through the school hallway in front of my ex. LOL. It was fricking great. It was sooo theatrical, but I loved it.
againstallodds Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 When I was sixteen, and I got dumped, I paid my older brother's super sick hot friend to come pick me up from school, make a show of it, hold my hand in the parking lot, and parade through the school hallway in front of my ex. LOL. It was fricking great. It was sooo theatrical, but I loved it. Did your ex come running after you lol?
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