onemorecupofcoffee Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 In a breakup where there aren't any hard feelings, in fact where both parties admit that feelings still exist, it's just not the right time, should NC or stay friends be the strategy? We've done NC before, and 8 mos later we were back together. This time around, he wants to stay close, so do I. But I feel like we're both hoping to one day reconnect, even though who knows what could happen on both our ends. It's long distance, so it's not like we'd be hanging out. Just wondering if anyone has experienced a breakup where both still had feelings for each other - how did you proceed?
D-Lish Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 It became a huge mess with my ex husband. We spoke everyday for about a year after. I even talked him through our trama of getting another woman pregnant (reason for our break up)... In the end- it was a nightmare. Neither of us had any breathing room to heal or move forward and it perpetuated our pain. The bottom line is that remaining close to someone after a break up is like helping each other through your own break up... That isn't healthy. If you guys truly want to find your way back to one another some day, learn what it is like to live without one another first. That's the best advice I can give. Trying to be his friend will hurt...
lovehim4ever Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 The answer is sooooo obvious. NC is totally the way to go you can't truly appreciate a person until u see what life would be like without them (at least after a break up). Staying close is only going to hurt the both of you in the end. Think of the saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". You can go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjJzA0Dz1Ok for some tips on how to stay strong with the NC rule. Good luck!
carhill Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 OP, how long was total NC on the first go-around? You said you got back together after 8 months, but how long did you have no contact whatsoever? At the point you separated back then, how long had you been together? Describe the process of "getting back together". These answers help me better understand your relationship dynamics.
BubblyPopcorn Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Yes my first LTR, were such good friends and that made it even more difficult. You still want to be in each other's lives and be there for one another but it is nearly impossible for most people to do while trying to "move on". The only thing that enforced moving on for both of us was when he began dating someone else. I in turn met someone a year after that and he ended up breaking up with the girl after me and then eventually married someone else. I still hear from him from time to time, somehow he tracks me down but our relationship ended over a decade ago but regardless, it's nice to know that even though we've both moved on, we're both okay. Hope that made sense.
Author onemorecupofcoffee Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 OP, how long was total NC on the first go-around? You said you got back together after 8 months, but how long did you have no contact whatsoever? At the point you separated back then, how long had you been together? Describe the process of "getting back together". These answers help me better understand your relationship dynamics. Gosh... we had no contact whatsoever the moment we broke up (Oct 2007) up until about June 2008. It started up again very slowly through gChat, and it accelerated as soon as both of us put our pride away and admitted how much we'd been thinking about each other the whole time we've been apart. This whole long distance relationship started in March '07 when we met and sparks flew. The relationship was full of amazing moments, bittersweet because we were constantly cursing the distance... Apparently, both times we broke up (Oct 07 and a week ago) there have been lingering feelings. How can I truly let this go if we'll never know whether the distance is what killed us - we both have an amazing connection and I've heard both sides of the coin - couples that get back together after moving on and growing up apart, and couples that never see each other again, but regardless end up happy.
carhill Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 How much consistent local time have you spent since March 07? Sometimes distance relationship are breeding grounds for unrequited feelings, due to the distance. These feelings can take on a life of their own, even during NC, because, psychologically, you're used to the "distance" and the feelings are a mechanism of compensation. Those feelings carry over to NC, since NC is in some ways like the dynamic of a LDR. Can you both agree to remain friendly and supportive of each other entertaining other romantic potentials? If so, perhaps NC is inappropriate for you, considering the circumstances. If the "friendship" inhibits exploring other options with other people, then I'd take a hard look at the health of it.
Author onemorecupofcoffee Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 How much consistent local time have you spent since March 07? Sometimes distance relationship are breeding grounds for unrequited feelings, due to the distance. These feelings can take on a life of their own, even during NC, because, psychologically, you're used to the "distance" and the feelings are a mechanism of compensation. Those feelings carry over to NC, since NC is in some ways like the dynamic of a LDR. Can you both agree to remain friendly and supportive of each other entertaining other romantic potentials? If so, perhaps NC is inappropriate for you, considering the circumstances. If the "friendship" inhibits exploring other options with other people, then I'd take a hard look at the health of it. You make a good pt re: the strange case of distance and what it does to feelings. We acknowledged that we are the most comfortable communicating through the medium we've used most - gchat. We haven't had a lot of in person communication and, believe it or not, for the most part he hasn't had a cell phone. Unrequited, though, I take to mean unreturned or unreciprocated - and I think our feelings are fairly mutual. Did you mean unrequited in a different way? If so I didn't get your meaning - could you explain that? It's day 4 and we haven't contacted each other yet. Analyzing aside, I'm feeling pretty down.
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