zilverenvlinder Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Ok, I really need some advice, and this might be a little long, so I apologize. If you read my other post, last Friday I started hanging out with this guy , Jake, from work. I was planning on just basically using him as a rebound from my terrible previous relationship and I did end up having sex with him. Now, I like him. I really, seriously like him. A lot. And it's not as if I am one of those "serial monogamists", because I'm not. At most times in my life I would prefer to be alone. But the last two serious relationships I had went like this: 1) Guy and I meet 2) He becomes crazy in love with me and overly obsessive and calls me all the time and wants to see me every day 3) I don't have to play any games, or do any real "dating" work, because guy and I basically jump into relationship right away OK. So now that my history is explained. Jake is totally normal. We hung out all night yesterday and we had a great time. We held hands and drank and made out in the bar and stayed at his friends' house who was having a party. At a drunken point in the evening, he just straight up told me, without me even provoking it, "I like you, you are fun and cool and pretty, and... do they let people date each other at work?... anyway, I think we should see what happens and take it slow." We went to his friends' house and spent the night together on the sofa bed. He took me home the next day, told me he would see me at work, kissed me quite lustfully, smiled and said "See ya later". Also, I have initiated most contact throughout the week. I don't know if that means anything or not. Now, coming from someone who has never really had a NORMAL beginning to a relationship, I want to know if this sounds like it could be going anywhere. Because in most circumstances, I really wouldn't care. But for some reason, this guy just gives me butterflies...to the extreme. In this situation, does this sound like a) he had a piece and he's just stringing me along to get some occasionally, or b) he really is interested in me? And what can I do to make sure I don't scare him off???
BCCA Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 The short answer is that you just dont know where he's coming from until you can see a pattern of behavior. Right now, he's kind of been on the same page as you, but you've also slept with him, so it's hard to know. The long answer is that sometimes when you go for a random hookup and youre initially just looking for sex, the other person feels that vibe and you cant control what theyre thinking. Its hard for women, Im sure, because guys can be the sweetest thing ever when theyre getting laid, and then a complete douche when you stop putting out. I would try and shift your hang out sessions to include more date type activites that dont end in sex. Youre an adult, and I know we all have needs, so Im not saying pull the plug on sex completely because thats just weird, but see if hes ok with seeing you and not having sex. Just a warning about getting involved with people at work, if it gets bad, it gets REALLY bad. Be careful...
JoeNewbie Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Nothing wrong with what you did. You may want to make sure you guys have a safe landing though. Relationships that go too fast (emotionally, not sexually) often crash and burn.
You'reasian Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Depends on the direction the two of you decide to go, either way it has to be mutual or the relationship will fall out. As far as just a piece of tale, it sounds like he was genuinely interested in you if he was contacting you. Best of luck!
JoeNewbie Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Yep, absolutely nothing wrong with what you did if you're looking for an FWB/pure sex and nothing else casual thing with a guy. But...you really want more than that so you've set yourself up to be treated like crap and hurt. Move on and cut your losses. Many healthy relationships start with a good **** so stop pushing down your conservative traditional beliefs into other people's throats.
You'reasian Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Many healthy relationships start with a good **** . .....This is true.
Author zilverenvlinder Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 Thanx for all of the responses, everyone. Oregon, I appreciate your response, but I have had one-night stands turn into relationships for not only me, but for my friends and sister as well. I'm just going to try to not push my "feelings" on him and hopefully he'll see that I'm desirable. Because even though I did initially end up having sex with him one time, I still hope that if I play my cards right I'll end up with him.
JoeNewbie Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Thanx for all of the responses, everyone. Oregon, I appreciate your response, but I have had one-night stands turn into relationships for not only me, but for my friends and sister as well. I'm just going to try to not push my "feelings" on him and hopefully he'll see that I'm desirable. Because even though I did initially end up having sex with him one time, I still hope that if I play my cards right I'll end up with him. Yup. Keep things at a reasonable pace, not by suddently pulling back, but by maintaining a reasonable distance at all times. Good luck!
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