Centuris Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 OK, I'll admit it, I play World of Warcraft, but I would never, ever choose a computer game over the opportunity to spend time with my wife, I would even go shoe shopping with her over a computer game. I think the whole argument about Germans/Japanese and intelligence is a diversion. He could believe in UFO visitations and the bottom line is still if he doesn't pay attention to you and show you some love, you will have to leave him eventually. Let me throw you a dumb idea which will probably not work, but it might give you some more info to evaluate things. Why don't do go buy yourself a copy of World of Warcraft and play the game with him together. Most of the female characters in that game are pretty sexy (except orcs maybe), so you could probably create a cartoon that you don't mind looking at. How many hours does he play at a stretch? I don't think playing the game with him will solve your issues but it might, again, give you more of an interaction than you have how and give you more info before you decide to leave. Another idea, pretty silly I guess, would be to offer to give him a blowjob while he's playing his computer game. It's pretty outlandish, but it might bring you closer together in a way...(note, this is probably a big sexual fantasy of many male World of Warcraft players, honestly). These are not really serious suggestions, just some stuff to think about. If they offend you don't pay attention to them.
Heroic Posted February 7, 2009 Posted February 7, 2009 You might remind him that the country of Japan believed their emperor was a god less than 60 years ago and that the German people were collectively duped into killing 40+ million people by a syphilitic occultist who belived in Atlantis and the same racial sterotypes he does.
SongChick Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Early on in my marriage, my husband had discovered a video game that he enjoyed very much. So much that he fell into playing it and ignoring me. It wasn't so much that he didn't want to spend time with me, it was just that it was "a really good game." Unfortunately, he would get so into it that if I tried to talk to him it would distract him from the game and he would get irritated and a little snappish. Now, I can understand that. When I'm reading and he interrupts and I'm at a really good part, I'm like, "ARGH! Just give me a friggin minute!" I think everyone has a bit of that. But it went on for two weeks straight. I said to him, "I wish you'd stop playing that game so much." In the middle of one of his games. He responded, "Why?" I said, "You completely stop interacting with me when you're playing it. I feel like that game is more important to you than I am." He stopped what he was doing, ejected the CD and broke it in two. I was about to get mad - I didn't mean that I wanted him to never enjoy a game, and he really liked that game. But he said, "I don't EVER want you to think that anything in my life is more important than you. This is a game. That's all. You're my wife." The point of this is that in a healthy marriage, this is the attitude both parties should have. You should want what's best for each other. Now, I'm not in your situation. I don't know all the ins and outs. But if your spouse isn't looking at you as the most important thing in his life, then you both need to look at your priorities.
Heroic Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 I might add the disk snapped in half quite dramatically! I think that was one of the moments that our marriage shifted to a higher gear.
Els Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 OK, I'll admit it, I play World of Warcraft, but I would never, ever choose a computer game over the opportunity to spend time with my wife, I would even go shoe shopping with her over a computer game. I think the whole argument about Germans/Japanese and intelligence is a diversion. He could believe in UFO visitations and the bottom line is still if he doesn't pay attention to you and show you some love, you will have to leave him eventually. Let me throw you a dumb idea which will probably not work, but it might give you some more info to evaluate things. Why don't do go buy yourself a copy of World of Warcraft and play the game with him together. Most of the female characters in that game are pretty sexy (except orcs maybe), so you could probably create a cartoon that you don't mind looking at. How many hours does he play at a stretch? I don't think playing the game with him will solve your issues but it might, again, give you more of an interaction than you have how and give you more info before you decide to leave. Another idea, pretty silly I guess, would be to offer to give him a blowjob while he's playing his computer game. It's pretty outlandish, but it might bring you closer together in a way...(note, this is probably a big sexual fantasy of many male World of Warcraft players, honestly). These are not really serious suggestions, just some stuff to think about. If they offend you don't pay attention to them. This will not work. It will NOT solve the core issue. Take it from me. The last guy I was with was very, very deeply into WoW, I play too and still do, but only because I myself enjoy the game. Playing with him is a good idea if he plays in moderation yet still pays attention to you because it enables you both to share things. That only applies if the relationship is going along well. In her case, it will NOT make him give her the attention that she deserves in real life if he plays it all day. And anyway there are much deeper and worse issues in the marriage to begin with, this is only a branch of one of them.
Enema Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 This will not work. It will NOT solve the core issue. Take it from me. The last guy I was with was very, very deeply into WoW, I play too and still do, but only because I myself enjoy the game. Playing with him is a good idea if he plays in moderation yet still pays attention to you because it enables you both to share things. That only applies if the relationship is going along well. In her case, it will NOT make him give her the attention that she deserves in real life if he plays it all day. And anyway there are much deeper and worse issues in the marriage to begin with, this is only a branch of one of them. Are you posting here because WoW is currently down for maintenance? Damn Tuesdays!
jwi71 Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 . He just comes home from work and just starts to play his computer game. We rarely have sex, communicate or behave like people in love. My husband always puts me down and makes me feel like I am so stupid. I am just tried of him, it seems like I can never make him happy. You are obviously aware that this is NOT healthy for you or your child. Children are literally sponges whose ability to absorb the family atmosphere is nothing short of amazing. The atmosphere your son/duaghter lives in will SHAPE him or her for his/her remaining life. Is that what you want his or her foundation to be? Honestly, I do not feel I love him.Then you KNOW what to do. Find a good lawyer and file for D. The only reason why I am still with him because of our child.Misguided at best. Your child will learn your H;s behavior and thought processes if exposed to it on a daily basis. He or she will also learn gender roles from your interaction (namely he is always right and the woman always wrong). Is this what you your child to learn? You do far more damage by forcing your child to live in an abusive situation than be living as a single parent. The best thing for your child is to remover him or her from that environment. I just did not want my child growing up without a father since I did grew up without a father. I do not know what to do..any advice....Yous child will always have a father. He may only be around half the time after the D. Your child will adjust and has the same statistical chance at success as children from "traditional" families. OK, I know you say you don't want to D your H. So what will you DO? What CHANGE can YOU make? Because nothing WILL change unless you ACT.
Els Posted February 10, 2009 Posted February 10, 2009 Are you posting here because WoW is currently down for maintenance? Damn Tuesdays! LOL no. Maintenance hadn't started yet, but I wasn't playing! See, 1 step at a time towards detoxification! :lmao:
Centuris Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 "He just comes home from work and just starts to play his computer game." I think that's the key issue I guess. I myself come home, interact, put the kids to bed, and then maybe after they're asleep and if my wife doesn't want to talk to me about something, I'll fire it up and play for an hour. She didn't say how long his sessions are but I guess it doesn't matter because bottom line he is not paying attention to her and their child.
Beaches Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 First things first...You're asking yourself the wrong question. You should be asking "why did i get married", you should be asking "why the hell don't I divorce his a$$". I'm sorry but I couldn't be in a Marriage that I do not feel loved or in love. I am married and we have a very open communication and understanding marriage. It is not always perfect, no marriage is but we try to deal with our disagreements and talk about it. If you cannot talk to your husband, your best friend, your companion...than what is he?? I personally grew up without a father. My mother was both and is one of the strongest women I know. I look up to her and I am thankful for everything she did for me. Yes at itmes it was hard to see other kids with there fathers and not me BUT I never went without or felt less loved. I love my father but lets face it..he's not a good father. Great heart but only cares about materialistic things and himself. Only thing he is good about is calling me on my B-Day. Do not stay in a marriage because of a child. It only make it worse and harder in the long run. No woman should be afraid of being alone. Just pray and remember, God always has plan.
KismetGirl Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 A marriage has to go both ways.....if he is not willing to make any effort whatsoever, and you have expressed to him what you are upset with, then you've done what you can do. You don't love him, and he obviously has no respect for you. Staying in this for your child helps no one, your child included. Find a way to get out. Do you have family and friends you can rely on to help you? I would consult with a good divorce attorney and find out your options. You deserve a chance to find love with someone who respects you and doesn't prefer the company of a made up world to his own family. He may have deeper issues , but there's only so much you can do to help him see that. Unless a person truly wants to be helped, no one can make them see the light. My heart goes out to you, just from what you've written you sound horribly lonely. That is no way to live. You can't make him go to counseling, you can't make him pay attention to you. If you've really voiced your concerns to him and all he does is brush them aside, what more can you do? I wish you luck...
Chat Posted February 11, 2009 Posted February 11, 2009 Im sorry but I dont believe your there for you child. Everything your describing is horrible and you really think that the ideal of a child growing up with the Father is a substitute for you child living in a loveless, disrespectful marriage? I hate women and men hiding behind this - 'for the sake of the child' is to work it out or walk out of the dysfuctional situation. As a mother - protecting your children is paramount - yet so many stay in these messed up situations and use the kid as the scape goat reason to stay - so here is my advise (IMO) - LEAVE - he wont go to counselling he doesnt want the marriage - oh and the kid can have a dad without you being with him - its the 21st century - he can see him weekends etc - and by the sounds of it - the kid isnt getting much attention anyways LOVE yourself, PROTECT your child - leave
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