Why won't my ex contact me when she was in the wrong

[emotionalydistraugt]

It's been a little over a month since I found out she had cheated on me. She was my highschool sweetheart and we dated for 3 years. When I went to college I had always told her we were going to be able to make this work and I was going to stick with her no matter what. We did well for a while then in my second year at college I began getting a crush on another girl. I told my girlfriend because not only was she my lover but she was also my friend. I told her I needed a break to see if there was anything here. I needed to make sure. But I never cheated on her. It was never more than talking. We eventually got back together when I came home over Christmas break that year and everything seemed to be going great. The time we spent together was awesome and I thought we were doing great. She graduated highschool and she had gotten a full time job while I was still at school. She started paying for everything because of her job and because all my money went towards school. I always told her I didnt want her doing that kind of stuff because I never felt right about it. Well anyways, we seemed to be doing great. We were spending time together more than we ever did at any point we did while I was at school.

Then out of nowhere I couldn't get a hold of her for days at a time. I would get fed up and ignore her calls. I found out through mutual friends that something was going on behind my back and I made her confess she had been hanging out with another guy and been making out with him while I was at school. I blew up at her calling her unmentionable things out of frustration and hurt from what she did to me. I called her all the time and went psycotic. I wanted her back so that we could work out our problems but she would say she didnt want to be in a relationship, yet she would still hang out with this other guy. I tryed making her choose and she was never able to. About two weeks ago we talked on the phone for 4 hours like we used to when we were together and it felt so good. Then when we were supposed to hang out later in the week, she chose to hang out with this other guy instead. It was like she shot me in the heart all over again. I told her it was done and I called her a slut and I told her to **** off. I called her on Christmas to wish her a Merry Christmas but that was the last thing I said to her.

Now I see that there are things I could have done differently and I have so many regrets because I feel like I took her for granted. I wanted to marry this girl and had planned on buying the ring for her next year. She had told me she didnt want to be married at such a young age and I understood that but I wanted a long engagement if that was going to be the case. I truely felt like she was put into my life by god for a reason and now I feel like my whole world is shattered.

I have my good days while I try to get over her but then I regress 2 steps back. I want to have her back but I know it will never be the same. I feel like I've been traded in for a better model of myself. (she said this other guy is just like me) I'm just so lost. I tell myself it's better now that this happened then when we were married and that we must not have been meant for each other but I still want her to love me again and want to be with me and I want to spent the rest of our lives together.

This is the first time I've been alone for the holidays in three years and I just feel absolutely alone. I want to be able to move on and find someone who is better than she was but I dont know whether or not that person exists. I feel like I shouldn't be thinking of her soo much after this amount of time but I still do. I have had a dream about her 3 nights in a row now and I'm afraid to sleep because I can't even escape from her there. Everyone tells me to try and get over her but I'm torn between wanting things to go back to the way they used to be with her and going back out into the world and dating someone else

 

I feel so lost and I need some others insight

[EmperorR]

she cheated on you, to her she probably didn't make a mistake, cheaters are selfish human beings.

 

Cut all contact and move on you don't want a cheater. Your story is similar to me, as I was cheated on tried to contact her be nice forgave etc., and she just literally spit back in my face and was cold. I'm sorry but it's done it's over you don't want a girl like that and deep down inside you know it's true.

 

What you want is your old gf back who doesn't exist anymore, you have no children you weren't married cut your losses man trust me. You know you can't trust her again, you know if you get back together it won't be the same but the love is still there right? As you said you got back together over christmas break and look what happened, she won't change man maybe one day but not now. Andsorry, You can't make someone love you, you can't change her mind.

 

I was alone this holidays as well it sucks but that's life, it's a new year a new beginning the faster you let go and get over this the faster you will find someone new who is faithful. Cheaters are scum and vermin, when she's out late or doesn't pick ip her phone you know what you will be thinking about.

 

Sorry you had to go through this, I know how much it sucks, how the betrayal stings like crazy, and you feel like giving up but it gets better every day.

[carhill]

This is the first time I've been alone for the holidays in three years and I just feel absolutely alone. I want to be able to move on and find someone who is better than she was but I dont know whether or not that person exists.

 

Being alone is great. Relish it. Your mind is reeling from the drug fix that your ex had become, that's all. It's simple brain chemistry.

 

I can tell you that there are 3 billion chances that a better person than her exists, less those who are permanently incarcerated

 

If you resist contacting her or receiving contact from her or experiencing any stimulus which reminds you of her for 60 days, I can guarantee you'll be well on your way to recovery and either being happily alone or finding that women who you seek.

[emotionalydistraugt]

The only thing is that she has never acted like this towards me before. I think that's why I'm taking it so hard. She was absolutely in love with me, no more than 2 months ago and then this one act has thrown everything down to a level where I can't fix it. Every ounce of me wants to talk to her and just renew the way things used to be. And every waking moment I think of her with this other guy and it kills. It hurts so extremely bad. I can't get the image out of my head and I feel like it's preventing me from being able to move on

[carhill]

It was a facade. I know. I did it with my wife. Women are experts at it. Men less so. I'm gifted

 

Let her go; trust me

[emotionalydistraugt]

I really am trying to get over her because cheaters will always be cheaters and they aren't worth the love you gave to them. But whenever I have a great day or at very least a good day, I have a relapse and I just think about her and want her back. It's not as bad as what it was but the fact that I still have an inkling of wanting her back just sucks. I want to get over her and I feel like I can't.

And I feel like if she would be trying to contact me it would be easier to say no than it is to prevent myself from calling her. The fact that she doesnt even want to talk to me feels like she never even cared about me to begin with

[EmperorR]

I really am trying to get over her because cheaters will always be cheaters and they aren't worth the love you gave to them.

 

Yep spot on

 

 

But whenever I have a great day or at very least a good day, I have a relapse and I just think about her and want her back. It's not as bad as what it was but the fact that I still have an inkling of wanting her back just sucks. I want to get over her and I feel like I can't.

 

4 months I still get these relapses sometimes.

 

And I feel like if she would be trying to contact me it would be easier to say no than it is to prevent myself from calling her. The fact that she doesnt even want to talk to me feels like she never even cared about me to begin with

 

She will contact you one day, trust me they always do especially if you treated them well and with respect, be thankful it's not now when your "weak" still and she can get you back.

 

My ex is the exact same, look at it as a blessing in disguise trust me.