rosary67 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Hi ,i joined the other week and have posted a few times since.i hadnt seen or spoke to my wife since she locked me out on 16th dec.I never seen her or the kids over xmas etc and have been struggling badly.Id done the usual txting,mailing etc but heard nothing.I got an email this morning from her and i now feel worse if thats atall possible.The last year or so has been the worst just constant arguing etc not getting on.no infidelity and weve been married 10 years .Anyway heres what she mailed me just looking for some input,advice etc. this is the only mail im going to send you before i delete this account so i hope your listening. there is no chance for us, i thought you would have realised that by now but you obviously need it spelt out. get your head out of the sand and in your mums words 'move on with your life'! i am not willing to put my kids or your family through anymore of this **** that we seem to cause so time to call it a day. the girls will always be here for u but that will be down to u to make right as the adult! no amount of talking or councilling will change my mind and u know that so u need to concentrate on getting yourself sorted instead of sitting there thinking that everything will be ok for us when it won't! i need to carry on going to work to pay the bills and look after the girls so i suppose it looks to u like im ok and dont have a heart but believe me u have done a lot of damage to my heart. i need to be a much stronger person from now on and if that means a hard heart then so be it as u keep telling me im on my own now and believe me i really am! i hope u are happy in whatever u do this year
Geishawhelk Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 In answer to your initial title question, I would say "yes, it's over". Now it would seem that the only thing you can do is to address the question from a legal standpoint (accces, visitation rights, division of property) and do as both she, and it seems your own mother, has suggested: Move on.
Author rosary67 Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 thnx for the reply.this has hit me like a truck and im having difficulty accepting this.im going through all the usual emotions that everyone goes through so no point in me going into it.i still love her and im pretty sure she feels the same although this isnt about love i can see that.right now i cant even think about children or anything tbh.that may sound harsh but i feel like my whole world has just came down on top of me.
wuggle Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Have to agree, don't know your full story but that email does seem quite final. The use of the phrase '...to make right as an adult' might be indicative of some of the reasons (just guessing, as I say I don't know your full story) but either way seems to be good advice. Try to move on and sort out practical issues with regards to maintaining contact with and supporting your kids, I know that will be hard especially if you still love her but if she has made her mind up there is no point in loosing them as well. They may be a source of comfort through this but try to make sure you don't use them for game playing etc as some people do, and take care of yourself.
Author rosary67 Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 tbh i was a bit unsure of that phrase she used aswell.yes it seems quite final.thats because it is i can see that now.just trying to accept it is difficult.nothing has changed for her other than im not there.ill need to sort out when to see the children etc but as for house/contents etc she can have the lot and she knows i wouldnt take anything from the kids,as its them who would suffer.position im in is i need to find a place to stay etc she knows im on ma knees at this moment big time.
Author rosary67 Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 for anyone thats interested.i cant stop blaming myself for all this.every fallout evry argument and now the breakdown.ive never felt this pain ever,its alien to me and im struggling to deal with this.i move to my parents today which is gonna be hell on earth.i dont want to be there,they dont want me there.just reminds me of my childhood and everything i hated about it.ifeel ill,drained and sick.sick of the mental torture that i keep putting myself through.i cant help it thats the way i am.one minute i had everything now nothing.im 36 but i feel like ive aged 10 years in the space of nearly 3 weeks.my wife has threw the towel in and it hurts.i just feel like running away from it all but the problems go with ye i know that.parents house is all reminders.kids,wedding pics,the lot.i cant take it much longer its driving me insane this.i feel like im dying.im not religous really but if there is a god i pray he shows me the way,the path if there is one.i need guidance here.
wuggle Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I know your having an absolutely cr*p time at te moment but honestly things can and will get better. 2008 has gone, and yes it does sound like the year from hell for you, losing your gran, job, wife. I know you want to run away from it all but as you already know, this won't work. You need to keep going, in the short term just keep going, keep eating, keep busy, keep going. Don't know your parents but I think if I was in your shoes I would not want to be living with mine, any sign of a job or possibility of getting your own place ? they may be well meaning but might make things worse, if you feel they are judging you etc. In the meantime try to be calm, if they have taken you in they probably care for you deeply and want the best for you. One piece of advice that was offered on your other post still stands IMO, I know your wife never wanted to go to counselling but can you find a counsellor just for you, someone to talk to during this cr*p time to try to help you make sense of stuff. I think if you are broke there are still good counselling services available. My advice, eat, sleep, keep busy, try to get your own place, get someone to talk to, stay calm and dont say or do things in anger (they really will just make things worse) and remember at 36 you seriously aint past it , think what you have done in the first 36 years, you might have another 60 or so left. Life really if wierd, and you really dont know what experiences are waiting for you. Stay true to yourself, try not to spend the rest of your life bitter and angry. take care.
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