nature Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 How far away do you two live from each other, and how did you meet in the first place? How old are you both? Is there no way to take this to a new level and move closer to one another?
Author Jay34 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 right now its very far, nearly 700 miles, we are both early 20's, i don't know how to take it to another level because a after this talk i realize even just because she is far away i don't want her as a friend, i would want her as more, i have a weird feeling today, like i don't know if what she put on was a big front because she tried so hard to get me to talk to her or if this is whats she really wants, she seemed to miss me a lot, but for some reason i felt she didn't really want me back, it seemed like she wanted to tell me how great i was because she felt bad how she didn't appreciate me, but its not enough to try to win me back, she made it like i was the one who would never take her back, meanwhile she never tried, i don't know where to go from here, i just feel like i helped her get over me by letting her tell me all that stuff, she didn't tell me to win me back, she told me to feel better for herself. i know deep down to be friends with her means i would probably not see her again, and for me thats not what i want, i want it all or nothing. when i talk to her today i don't know what to say, i really should have stayed no contact... i gave her 3 hours of my time to hear you can only have 2nd best, i miss you i think about you all the time, no guy will ever top you, what we had doesn't come along often, but if all that was the case she would have tried to make it work i think.... will she stil realize this stuff even though i was kind of cold to her and didn't let her know much about my life....
samspade Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 I even hated not being able to spill my guts like she did, to have to act like she meant nothing, meanwhile she means the world. was i right in doing this? i just don't think anything but being with her could be close to it. being friends and knowing otherwise would hurt to much, she has no one else shes with. honestly though how can you be friends when obviously she has feeling, you have feelings, to be honest we couldnt be friends in a friends sense. i want to be with her one day but maybe this gives me what i need to move on. That sucks, man. But look at it this way: Spilling your guts when someone else's actions demonstrate they do not want to be with you, well, you'll just have a floor full of guts. If one party has feelings and the other doesn't, friendship is not a viable option. It seems you are confused even more. Just keep these things in mind. 1. Actions speak louder than words. All of her sweet words don't change the fact that she's not willing to be with you. I know distance plays into that, but that's reality. 2. Women (and men, too) don't like thinking that their exes hate them. They often prefer to keep an ex as a friend to ease their guilt and boost their ego. Personally, when someone wants out of my life, I prefer to let them go 100%. That way, you avoid all of this b.s. They don't get to be rewarded with my friendship - I have plenty of friends and that's not why I dated them. When I read people's stories on these boards, I often have to filter out all the filler of "she told me this, she said that to me, etc., etc." What someone said is almost always irrelevant, when you examine their actions. Good luck.
Author Jay34 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 i went no contact again after the 23rd and i have been contacted 3-4 more times, one was how she was dreaming about me, another how she and her parents were talking and they think i was right for her and another was to ask me would i please talk to her, is this just the same crap again..... i told her friends wasn't happening, does she want more.....
samspade Posted February 4, 2009 Posted February 4, 2009 Sounds like more bollocks. If you had firsthand, concrete knowledge that a murderer was on his way to your friend's house, and you called to warn him, would you say that you had a dream about it? Or that your parents told you they think a murderer is on its way? Or would you leave a message saying "please call me back" without explaining? I know it sounds ridiculous, but the point is that if someone needs to deliver an important message, she won't beat around the bush. "I love you and I made a huge mistake and want to be with you again before someone else snags you" is not as urgent as the message about the murderer, but come on...it's been MONTHS. You think she's just waiting for the right moment to profess to you her love and sorrow? You should not be reading her text messages. It's getting you NOWHERE, clearly.
Author Jay34 Posted February 4, 2009 Author Posted February 4, 2009 yeah you are right, i guess im just getting caught up in looking for anything to show she wanted me back, but all im getting is the runaround, i think now i just need to stop caring, and go full no contact, because i told her i couldnt be friends and yet im only using that so she has to say she wants me back, i need to do it for me.
Author Jay34 Posted February 7, 2009 Author Posted February 7, 2009 i got a phone call from her and i didn't know it was her, we wound up talking for over an hour, for the first time she told me she wanted to be with me, she figured out that what we had is what she really wanted, apparently she had dated another guy a few times but that was nothing according to her. she was asking to see what i look like since i have hit the gym, all kinds of comments at me, i stayed pretty neutral but i didn't push her away, she asked me if i still loved her, i said i'm not sure because you could hurt me again, i basically was the way i always am with her, my old self, not a needy guy, none of that crap, she wasn't begging for me back or anything but basically said i want to be with you, maybe we can figure out a way for it to work, i kept things up in the air and didn't mention the guy or anything, i didn't say i will talk to you, i just left it at that, i gave her my attention but not my full attention, to be honest i don't know if she is serious, she even said she thinks the reason her parents like me so much is because i didn't go running after her, one thing i did talk too long and said a little too much about my feelings, no contact was the best thing i could have done.... it has made me realize that no girl is worth your pride, even though i made mistakes i feel like i can live with or without this girl now and that she has to prove to me that she is worth my attention, not the other way around. Thanks!
Author Jay34 Posted February 8, 2009 Author Posted February 8, 2009 i am still thinking though i should not start talking to her again until she really says she wants me back, i mean really puts effort at it, for all i know she is still dating the guy and just checking to see if i am still around, i didn't put it totally out of the question, but to be honest, i am still not sure i could be with her. does anyone have any advice on what to do.
samspade Posted February 8, 2009 Posted February 8, 2009 Yes. Remember, actions speak louder than words. She is still dating the other guy? Forget it! It's pretty simple. Who knows, she may just be getting tired of him and looking to use you as another transition.
Author Jay34 Posted February 18, 2009 Author Posted February 18, 2009 we talked again probably a huge mistake.... we talked for a long time again.... in no way does she seem to be trying to use me as a transition, she has told me that she feels like she is waiting it out for me, waiting until school is done, work is less so she can be with me, we got into all our history and she told me she loved me and called me babe, i said it back... because i did feel the same way, it seemed like she was being honest with me, it made me sad in a way to realize that it could be really over.... this isn't a girl despite how much i love her that i will put myself out there for 100%, i didn't want to push anything. but she kept talking about all the memories and had me sentimental... telling me she was the only one she loved, never has felt as comfortable with anyone, everything is still there, the feelings everything, but its harder.... now, i am so unsure what to do...
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