thegloaming22 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 so this whole no contact idea is entirely new to me and the girl i was seeing. we have been on and off in the last month or two and seem to increasingly aggravate each other the more we see each other (though the situation has sort of developed into something much worse, but i put that into another thread on another board). so, after she alluded to not being sure if she wanted to see me anymore, i said i was through. we have "broken up" this way before, but usually one of us cracks and we see each other again. we have never, since we started going out, gone more than 48 hours without talking to each other. so, with this in mind, i knew it was going to be tough to pull a no-contact with her over any significant amount of time. i love her, but she's changed for the worse and doesn't seem to care about me anymore. the night after i broke up with her, she calls me at 2AM and tells me i was in her dream. i shouldn't have answered, but i did. i made the call short (thought we ended the call with "i love you"s) and decided afterwards that i would not pick up future calls. so i go three days. 72 hours, which is pathetically a record for us as far as no contact goes. she didn't call me, i didn't call her. but being that yesterday was new years eve, i BROKE no contact. i was honestly feeling very alone and was hoping that calling her would result in some big "oh my god i missed you too lets spend new years together". well, NO such thing happened. she basically said that the relationship was horrible and that she never wanted to see me again. she said that there was no way she was going to see me on new years at all. i know it was stupid of me to call her up after i broke up with her hoping she'd be glad i called her, but we've played this game back and forth so if anything i was just expecting a "we're broken up, we shouldn't be talking" but she ripped me apart. and not just me, but all of our memories. she said she can't believe she ever thought i was special, etc. she seemed like an entirely different person. this pretty much destroyed me. i wasn't expecting this kind of conversation, so i pretty much fell to my knees and choked up. and this is pretty rare for me to do. but i cried to the point that i was embarrassed to talk in fear of her knowing that i was crying. obviously she could tell, it was pathetic. but i have no support structure. no friends (my best friends have moved or i burned bridges with them), my car just broke down, got laid off my last job, etc. so i pretty much (stupidly) depended on her for support while i was on my last leg and she sideswipes me. anyway, while i was trying to calm myself down, she persisted in insulting me and the relationship we had. after we got off the phone, i felt WORTHLESS. i have never felt so low. but, yeah, breaking no-contact was a horrible idea. horrible. i spent new years alone. i figured since she already called me after we broke up that she was thinking about me, but i guess not. i'd like to think that the reason for her acting like this is because she recently stopped taking meds cold turkey and one of the withdrawal effects is aggression and "mania" (going from one mood to another like *that*). but she sounds like she really just hates me. you know how it is. when you're the one who calls it off, no contact is easier (though she wasn't upset by the breakup because she was mad at me anyway) but when the other person is the one telling you to screw off, it's much harder. hopefully this forum will keep me occupied while i look for jobs and try to get my car fixed. sigh.
Riffmeister General Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Ah dude, welcome to the club. We're all here in various states of despair, and know what you're going through, as unique as you think your situation is. For me, the situation sounds like she's over-reacted and she probably knows it. For her to go from ending a call saying she loves you to then giving you a proper ear-bashing - that's pretty extreme. I am absolutely aware of exactly how you feel; paralysed with grief, feeling utterly hopeless, crushed, worthless. This is the very first step, and for me, lasted 2 days. For some, it will last longer, but that's the individual nature of human beings. Hang in there dude. We're here for you.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Dude tell your ex she was fat and her stumach hangs out. Then tell her no one even thought she looked good at all, and people made fun of you constantly for dating her. Then tell her you couldn't help but laugh at how psychotic she is. Sure, by doing this, you'll be stooping down to her level. But my God, if she was that cruel to you, then she needs put in her place.
MWH Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Dude tell your ex she was fat and her stumach hangs out. Then tell her no one even thought she looked good at all, and people made fun of you constantly for dating her. Then tell her you couldn't help but laugh at how psychotic she is. Sure, by doing this, you'll be stooping down to her level. But my God, if she was that cruel to you, then she needs put in her place. C'mon man... Knock it off. That ain't right and you know it! A LOT of people "need put in their place". Life has a way of doing just that, on its own, in its own time. If you were to do this I grarantee you WILL feel worse than you do right now. Don't do it.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 LOL. Yes the above user was right. You shouldn't ever really tell her that. Disregard that advice. What you SHOULD do though is write down everything you didn't like about her and the relationship, and then keep it in an envelope. Don't mail it or anything, but just do it. Don't ever contact her again and say what I jokingly told you to say earlier.
Author thegloaming22 Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 Yeah, as much as I'd like to say mean things back, it wouldn't get either of us anywhere. It was a rough night, but I'm pulling through so far. NC seems pretty easy right now, but the day feels like it's gonna take forever. Oh well. Here's to a night of watching movies and playing music.
belladonna Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 That sucks man. My ex said some cruel things to me when I tried to work things out with him. I know he was mad at the time and not ready to talk but it hurt none the less. Yeah, just keep up the NC I guess for a while until you both cool off at least. Hanging out here helps too
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