emotionalydistraugt Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 It's been a little over a month since I found out she had cheated on me. She was my highschool sweetheart and we dated for 3 years. When I went to college I had always told her we were going to be able to make this work and I was going to stick with her no matter what. We did well for a while then in my second year at college I began getting a crush on another girl. I told my girlfriend because not only was she my lover but she was also my friend. I told her I needed a break to see if there was anything here. I needed to make sure. But I never cheated on her. It was never more than talking. We eventually got back together when I came home over Christmas break that year and everything seemed to be going great. The time we spent together was awesome and I thought we were doing great. She graduated highschool and she had gotten a full time job while I was still at school. She started paying for everything because of her job and because all my money went towards school. I always told her I didnt want her doing that kind of stuff because I never felt right about it. Well anyways, we seemed to be doing great. We were spending time together more than we ever did at any point we did while I was at school. Then out of nowhere I couldn't get a hold of her for days at a time. I would get fed up and ignore her calls. I found out through mutual friends that something was going on behind my back and I made her confess she had been hanging out with another guy and been making out with him while I was at school. I blew up at her calling her unmentionable things out of frustration and hurt from what she did to me. I called her all the time and went psycotic. I wanted her back so that we could work out our problems but she would say she didnt want to be in a relationship, yet she would still hang out with this other guy. I tryed making her choose and she was never able to. About two weeks ago we talked on the phone for 4 hours like we used to when we were together and it felt so good. Then when we were supposed to hang out later in the week, she chose to hang out with this other guy instead. It was like she shot me in the heart all over again. I told her it was done and I called her a slut and I told her to **** off. I called her on Christmas to wish her a Merry Christmas but that was the last thing I said to her. Now I see that there are things I could have done differently and I have so many regrets because I feel like I took her for granted. I wanted to marry this girl and had planned on buying the ring for her next year. She had told me she didnt want to be married at such a young age and I understood that but I wanted a long engagement if that was going to be the case. I truely felt like she was put into my life by god for a reason and now I feel like my whole world is shattered. I have my good days while I try to get over her but then I regress 2 steps back. I want to have her back but I know it will never be the same. I feel like I've been traded in for a better model of myself. (she said this other guy is just like me) I'm just so lost. I tell myself it's better now that this happened then when we were married and that we must not have been meant for each other but I still want her to love me again and want to be with me and I want to spent the rest of our lives together. This is the first time I've been alone for the holidays in three years and I just feel absolutely alone. I want to be able to move on and find someone who is better than she was but I dont know whether or not that person exists. I feel like I shouldn't be thinking of her soo much after this amount of time but I still do. I have had a dream about her 3 nights in a row now and I'm afraid to sleep because I can't even escape from her there. Everyone tells me to try and get over her but I'm torn between wanting things to go back to the way they used to be with her and going back out into the world and dating someone else I feel so lost. I need help.
thegloaming22 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 yeah, man. i feel you. you're at that place right now where you know that waiting it out and finding somebody else is a better idea but you can't physically or mentally fathom how you're going to do it. it's just a matter of taking it day by day or sometimes even hour by hour. distracting yourself works for some people, thinking/writing/talking about it helps others. the main thing is just time. time will allow both of you to think about things. i personally don't think you guys should be together right now. you're at a time where you're looking life straight in the face (what with being in college and her starting full-time work) and that's a really confusing and mentally vexing period for most people. you probably just miss the comfort of having somebody. you might even just miss the physical aspect of having somebody to touch, etc. you have a lot of history, but don't let that convince you to keep trying to make it work. you were honest with her, she wasn't. you guys are young, just keep yourself and your education as your primary concern and you won't have any regrets later on. good luck.
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