Author Gunny376 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Upon self examination? I gave all for my children, there wasn't anything left to give, nor suck up? "The War Within" is the worse war one will ever fight!
Author Gunny376 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 I'm beginning to belive the "ALL OUT FRONTAL ASSUALT" is the way to go, would like more women's advice. No guts, no GLORY!
Author Gunny376 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 It's what you do Gunny, for your family and for your country.. which in an odd way is a huge extension of family. It's guys and gals like you that make the possibility of a pretty safe and easy life here in the USA. Feel some pride.. and now it's time to give all you can to Gunny OK? Its the burden of knowning,........................it matters not what I did and I gave as is that other's know not that is so grave upon my mind. It matters not what I did nor what I gave, but that they kno w what I gave and what I did?
ilmw Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Its the burden of knowning,........................it matters not what I did and I gave as is that other's know not that is so grave upon my mind. It matters not what I did nor what I gave, but that they kno w what I gave and what I did? It is strange how individual sacrifice can be sometimes seen as selfish. You give of yourself for a greater good.... but sacrifice your own happiness.. and that of those around you.... so that others can enjoy that which you gave up. To those who sacrificed, those you leave behind.... can look at you as selfish... as you are the one who left them behind.... while others had there fathers husbands/mothers or wives? Weird how that works.... but it is the price many pay for doing what the think is right. Still sucks though. ilmw
Author Gunny376 Posted January 22, 2009 Author Posted January 22, 2009 Thanks I I guessing that the thing to do and explain to her my side (I never have done so, because to do so I would have to bring up her mother's faults and down-comings, and I've been un-willing to do so) That is to say that she's a lying, cheating, two-timing, selfish, manipulating bitoh. And I'm just not sure how to go about doing that. Her older sister, who's always been there since she was 15, and took her in who has cancer and just had major radical surgery called her to mend a rift between them of the last fifteen years was rejected, cussed, and told never to call again.
ilmw Posted January 22, 2009 Posted January 22, 2009 Thanks I I guessing that the thing to do and explain to her my side (I never have done so, because to do so I would have to bring up her mother's faults and down-comings, and I've been un-willing to do so) That is to say that she's a lying, cheating, two-timing, selfish, manipulating bitoh. And I'm just not sure how to go about doing that. Her older sister, who's always been there since she was 15, and took her in who has cancer and just had major radical surgery called her to mend a rift between them of the last fifteen years was rejected, cussed, and told never to call again. Hey Guns A buddy of mine... experienced something similiar to this.... It seems his exwife from way back.... so poisoned there kids minds against him... she always would side with the mother. He accidentally slipped up... and called the ex a not so nice word... daughter flipped on him... and has not spoken to him since... Now this is the daughter who knows since he has not been living with her... has been putting money into an account for her education.... who has been offered to live with him on several occasions... The ex warped her mind.... She can do no wrong.. while.. he... can do no right... even if he bent over backwards.... Its a shame... some people can't let kids make up there own minds.... instead of filling there heads full of crap! Gunns... do you think by telling her about your ex... it would make a difference after all this time.... Maybe just keep trying to build bridges with her... with the new.... extended olive branch and all Ilmw
Author Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 I belive your right, the way to go is the persistent, consistent, "damn the torperdos, steady as she goes" in-direct (for now) approach. Showing and demostrating, being stallworth against any and all flying arrows. The XHEX cannot ultimately compete with me, I'm her worse freaking nightmare. I'm smarter, more intellegent, better trained, experienced, educated, read than either she or current "boy-toy" She and DHX3 buys toys and battery-operated four wheelers, I send savings bonds, checks for college funds, Coke-Cola, "Dow Five & Ten" Stock certificates. I took out a Life Insurance policy for him, (I'm not the beneficiary ~ his parents are ~ I just pay it each month ~ so he'll have that kicking for him when he turns 21. He's 5 (in April) I'm seriously thinking about bequething to him an annual dividend check from an electrical co-op that I receive from my Grandfather, (which would be his Great-Great-Grandfather). Its only a couple of dollars ($20) annually, but I thought it would be kind of cool to do so ~ its not like I need the money. Thanks for your imput ILMW, because I know you deal with this everyday. If I had to be a police officer ~ I'd have to be with the K-9 unit, because I'm not chasing spit! Rin-Tin-Tin would have to earn his supper! I'm not fron Canada, but thanks for what you do! Your my Bro ILMW, but I could really use some imput from the Ladies! Confussed? TwoTallLegs? MzPixie?
Author Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 Would really lie some female imput?
Author Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 Could use some women's input here!
Trimmer Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Guns - you getting any sleep these last couple nights?
Author Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 A lot of pent of Anger PTSD' Post Traumatic Syndrone Having being "intitionised" "Surivor's guilt" Shell-shocked, motored, bombarded,................... I'm stilll shocked that I'm still half sane! Shock and awe?
Author Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 "Surivor's guilt" That allone is two gallons of whiskey!
Author Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 I'm actually gaining from this thtread in my understanding! Thanks for my ramblings!
CastingPearls Posted January 23, 2009 Posted January 23, 2009 Gunny, I don't have any advice for you. I hope you can overcome whatever demons you're wrestling with. I'm a 49 year old woman and my dad was a Marine. He scared the bejesus out of me as a kid. He was big and strong with a loud voice and a short fuse. My brother and I hid from him when he'd been drinking. He put the clothes on our backs and food in our mouths but we hardly knew him. He and my mom never divorced, but they might as well have, they fought a LOT. My mom did bad mouth him, I don't think she meant for us to hate him, she just wanted sympathy for her own situation, but we didn't figure that out for a long time, and he would never say anything against her to us, which is pretty impressive self control. It's taken a lot of years. My dad is a different guy now. He's good with his grandson. He's relaxed and affectionate. He comes over for bacon and eggs. We go to car shows together. We have lots of regrets about stuff in the past, but it is what it is. Maybe your kids will figure things out too, and come to understand your actions, and the sacrifices you've made for them.
Author Gunny376 Posted January 23, 2009 Author Posted January 23, 2009 Gunny, I don't have any advice for you. I hope you can overcome whatever demons you're wrestling with. I'm a 49 year old woman and my dad was a Marine. He scared the bejesus out of me as a kid. He was big and strong with a loud voice and a short fuse. My brother and I hid from him when he'd been drinking. He put the clothes on our backs and food in our mouths but we hardly knew him. He and my mom never divorced, but they might as well have, they fought a LOT. My mom did bad mouth him, I don't think she meant for us to hate him, she just wanted sympathy for her own situation, but we didn't figure that out for a long time, and he would never say anything against her to us, which is pretty impressive self control. It's taken a lot of years. My dad is a different guy now. He's good with his grandson. He's relaxed and affectionate. He comes over for bacon and eggs. We go to car shows together. We have lots of regrets about stuff in the past, but it is what it is. Maybe your kids will figure things out too, and come to understand your actions, and the sacrifices you've made for them. I've never and would never speak ill of their Mother, (although she has a lot of weaknesses and short comings) to my children. She's my bitch of an ex-wife~ but she's their MOTHER! And yes being a carrer Marine apparently has something to do with it. I've a lady friend who didn't "get me" until her SIL joined the Marines and she went to live with them on a Marine base. Even most carrer Army don't get Marines? The toughest job in the Marines? Being a Marines's wife. And to tell the truth? I feel a lot like Clint Eastwood's character "Gunny Hiway" in "Heartbreak Ridge" that is until I started reading "Cosmo" on the bus? And apparently my "attitude" and approach toward life being a carrer Marine and former 2X's Marine DI etc ad nauesum causes problems with other civilian pukes out her in civilian la~la as I've been called in on the carpet and reminded that I'm no longer in the Marines nor dealing with Marines? (Hell I've even had that pointed out to me here on LS by Tony ~ and have had to tone it down for public consumption ) Seriously, thanks for pointing your perspective about your Dad out, now I'm going to have to give that a lot of thought. To my way of thinking Marines are normal among the general population? But apparently not?
Author Gunny376 Posted January 24, 2009 Author Posted January 24, 2009 Gunny, I don't have any advice for you. I hope you can overcome whatever demons you're wrestling with. I'm a 49 year old woman and my dad was a Marine. He scared the bejesus out of me as a kid. He was big and strong with a loud voice and a short fuse. My brother and I hid from him when he'd been drinking. He put the clothes on our backs and food in our mouths but we hardly knew him. He and my mom never divorced, but they might as well have, they fought a LOT. My mom did bad mouth him, I don't think she meant for us to hate him, she just wanted sympathy for her own situation, but we didn't figure that out for a long time, and he would never say anything against her to us, which is pretty impressive self control. It's taken a lot of years. My dad is a different guy now. He's good with his grandson. He's relaxed and affectionate. He comes over for bacon and eggs. We go to car shows together. We have lots of regrets about stuff in the past, but it is what it is. Maybe your kids will figure things out too, and come to understand your actions, and the sacrifices you've made for them. Your latest post has been on my mind a lot? Are Marines that different from freaking civilian pukes? I say such in jest, but I wonder?
Author Gunny376 Posted January 26, 2009 Author Posted January 26, 2009 I've considered the full frontal assualt, but taking into account the pyschological aspect of it all, discounted it. Thought about writing a letter about explaining this and that about her mother, the marriage, the seperation, and subsequent divorce. Doubt she could nor would absorb it all in one setting. Thinking about just sending a note saying "Can't we just hit the re-set button"
Mz. Pixie Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Gunz, I think I posted to you before about this same topic but then again I may not have. My mother constantly talked bad about my dad. My dad never about her. When I became an adult I was really able to see her for what she truly was- mentally ill. And that she could make a preacher want to slap her upside her head with her lies and manipulation. My dad has his own issues just like everyone else and right now we talk but we're not as close as we once were (long freaking story). But I could see that my mom really wasn't the victim that I thought she was. My dad's never been a nurturer- he didn't visit often (we had moved away) but he did call and send things for me over the years. Paid for my wedding dress when I got married. I wish I could have been "daddy's girl". But I never got the chance. I would love to have that opportunity now even but he just isn't interested. So both of my parents were extremely disfunctional as I've stated before but God has made up for it by supplying me with wonderful wonderful inlaws. Even my exinlaws. I would start small with your kids. I would tell them that I was sorry for the things that happened in the past, but that I would like to start over. That I knew that things weren't how either one of us wanted in the past but that you'd like to work forward to the future. That they may never think of you as "daddy" the way you'd like them to and that you understand that but that you'd like to start by being friends and getting to really know each other. Small things- phone calls, a card in the mail just to say you're thinking of them, a gift sent for the grandson. Heck, a visit when you can and if you can. All of those things would touch my heart. I know it smacks on you that you didn't do anything wrong- and honestly what you'd like to do is be able to be "right". Really think about that. What you'd like is for them to wake up and realize that mom sucks and spoiled things but that may never happen and you're wasting daylight waiting on it to. So, although you don't believe you're completely at fault this is the time for you to lay that aside if you want a relationship with your children. And I know you do. Short story- Christmas time I had the entire week off. I had the kids for Christmas this year and my dad- who is RETIRED and has a huge motorhome- tells me to look up the nearest campground for them near my house. So I did and called them and they said they thought they'd come up so I was questioning when and they said they'd let me know. I bust my tail cleaning and getting prepared for them (he and my stepmom). The next day they call and say they think they won't come- that they have alot of stuff going on. What stuff? You're retired- you never go anywhere and it's easier for you to travel than it is us with three kids- one of which I have to return to my husbands ex before the end of Christmas day. So, he skipped yet another holiday with his grandkids. And it breaks my heart. They are both in fantastic health and really do not have an excuse for not coming. We have four jobs between us and three children. So yeah, we're a little busier. :lmao: I know you want and need a relationship with them. That your heart yearns for it. Do not let that stubborn Marine pride ruin the relationship you could have with them for the rest of your life. Start small. Show them your heart.
tinktronik Posted January 27, 2009 Posted January 27, 2009 Gunny. Your answer is the same as always. Consistency. This is the rule we all learn for parenting and it goes for adults too. If you continue to be a presence, no matter what-- accusations, belittling, anger, guilt, the snubb off-- people get used to you. They get used to communicating with you, this goes for positive or nuetral opinions. Once a person gets used to including you into their lives and having glimpses into yours they become attached and interested. The anger softens over time and interest insues. Just don't quit being present and consistent. Make them a part of your existence and eventually your lives will be intertwined to the point where they will get to know you for the human you are. You are always going to be angry with your ex-W about the damage she has done, but in actuality she most likely did not realize what she was actually doing to your children and to you. Some people do more harm instead of less.
Author Gunny376 Posted January 28, 2009 Author Posted January 28, 2009 MzPixie & tinktronik thanks for your insight. And your right, "forgive them for they not what they do! nor say!" Keep on keeping on! No matter what! Consistecey! Peristence!
NoIDidn't Posted January 28, 2009 Posted January 28, 2009 Gunny you asked for female input. Here is some more. While I agree with MsPixie (I really liked your post ) and tink, I am a little stuck on all those deployments and the kids not seeing you that much. That's what allowed for her to do what she did. She was able to say "see, look, he's not even here" and that was all it took. But that's in the past and it seems you want more of a relationship now. They may bring it up though, so you may have to try not to be defensive. Unless your children are also military, they may not like hearing that you were defending their safety while they couldn't/didn't see you. Be available. Ask if you can visit and then do it. In fact, anything you say that you are going to do, even down to just a phone call, make sure you do it. Be consistent. Be reliable. Go to them. This is imperative. They must see that it is you reaching out to them and not feel that you are just demanding something. My story: my dad wasn't there for much of my young years but showed up more during my teenaged years. Good thing he did too. My mom spent years telling me how horrible he was and threatened to send me to him when she felt I was misbehaving. Thing is, my dad is all she said and worse. But it doesn't matter. He's my dad and I love him. He's regretted the way he's handled many things concerning me and told me so. It also helped that my (then) step mom told me of all the wonderful things he said and felt about me. Chances are they want a relationship with you too. You may have to listen to the complaints for a while, but eventually your being around will soften them - so long as their mother isn't actively trying to keep it from happening. My mom did this until I told her I was an adult that chose to have a relationship with her dad (this was recent too). I hope this helps. If not, I apologize for adding my two cents.
Author Gunny376 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 I'm going to post this for public consumption and consideration. and But, I'm basically ~ DONE! I've paid tens of thousands of dollars, (actually hundreds) begged, pleaded, gave away 12 years of marriage belongings to another man, suffered bankruptcy, had my children call another man that gave up his only child to keep from paying child support ~ Daddy. All to start over from scratch? From nothing! I did right! I've gave and gave and gave some more! I figure I've I've got some twenty to twenty five more years to live, and by God I'm going to live them for me! P.S. I'm PO!
Author Gunny376 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Posted January 30, 2009 Enough is enough! I'm inclined to go with a full frontal assult? And write a full disclourse letter with supporting documents? Thoughts?
skinman Posted January 30, 2009 Posted January 30, 2009 Enough is enough! I'm inclined to go with a full frontal assult? And write a full disclourse letter with supporting documents? Thoughts? Well Gunny, I certainly know how you feel friend... My first wife bashed me in front of my oldest daughter for years... it got to the point where she didnt want anything to do with me after the age of 10 or 11... But in the end once she grew up she eventually realized what her mother had been doing all those years... So in my opinion try to be there for them.. show them that you care like someone said above start with little things a call a letter let them kow that you are thinking about them.. If that doesnt get you anywhere then assault them from the front... Best wishes Gunny... I know this is eating you up man and I feel for you....
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